potential date big into S&M, I'm not, would it bother you?

[msshapelybottom]

Been chatting, speaking on the phone and texting a guy from POF this week, getting on like a house on fire, supposed to be meeting next week. The conversation turned to fantasies and he said he is into S&M, not just a bit of light bondage, the whole shebang.

I am not into this at all, in fact the idea of it turns me right off and really feel there's no point even meeting if we are already going to be out of synch sexually speaking. In all honesty, I'm no prude, but I feel kinda funny about him now I know this.

Am I being daft letting this stop me from meeting him? He's gobsmacked that it would bother me.

If someone is into S&M and role play, can they still enjoy "vanilla" sex with someone? It's a genuine question BTW, I'd really like to know!

Thoughts please?

God, I can feel the love on this thread. Bless you all!!!

Lots of 'vanilla' sex relationships probably already have a bit of kink in them anyway. Bit of role play, dressing up, bondage and these people do not consider themselves to have a 'kink' as such. It can, for some people, just liven up their sex lives. Nothing wrong with that.

This guy is obviously just taking a chance hoping that he can meet an inexperienced woman who might be interested or who he can convert. Why he is on PoF is ridiculous really and if the OP has stated she is not interested in that kind of thing he should move on.

If you are into things kinky then you absolutely have to discuss them upfront (probably a lot) before any meeting. This is crucial to make sure you both want the same thing. This is totally imperative and makes it 'dating the wrong way round' but for those with a preference for alternative sex or relationships it is cruicial. I find it actually makes things easier and I only wish I had discovered it earlier in life.

Kinky people are not freaks - I have met more sane, amusing, loyal and lovely people in the BDSM scene than in the smug married, dinner set, school gates crowd.

Now I'm going to be totally flamed. Do your worse.

Thanks mrsc for putting that way better than I could have.

mrsc, I don't disagree with anything you have said there

not sure where you saw people into kink being painted as "freaks" though

it's the before you've even met bit that bothers me. unless of course you are on a special interest site in which case yes it's clear that that sort of thing is going to come up. but this guy wasn't.

Aurynne did use the word 'freaks' tbh
Mrsc you are completely right. Which is why people with fetishes/kinks should fish in their own pool rather than try to suppress it by dating 'vanillas' or fishing around for people to convert or something.

Eric, maybe she did (can't be bothered to scroll) but I don't think people's general objections to the behaviour of this man was about that at all

The bloke sounds like the sort of knob who gives the rest of us perverts a bad name. Mind you, were I a vanilla heteromonogamist approached by anyone who expressed a liking for BDSM on a mainstream dating site I would simply shoo them off to Informed Consent, which is for BDSMers to find likeminded playmates.

Don't forget: vanilla men can be abusive arseholes too.