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Original poster

potential date big into S&M, I'm not, would it bother you?

184 replies

msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 19:11

Been chatting, speaking on the phone and texting a guy from POF this week, getting on like a house on fire, supposed to be meeting next week. The conversation turned to fantasies and he said he is into S&M, not just a bit of light bondage, the whole shebang.

I am not into this at all, in fact the idea of it turns me right off and really feel there's no point even meeting if we are already going to be out of synch sexually speaking. In all honesty, I'm no prude, but I feel kinda funny about him now I know this.

Am I being daft letting this stop me from meeting him? He's gobsmacked that it would bother me.

If someone is into S&M and role play, can they still enjoy "vanilla" sex with someone? It's a genuine question BTW, I'd really like to know!

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 29/09/2011 20:31

Oh my dearie me. I think you may have had a very lucky escape!

MangoMonster · 29/09/2011 20:31

AF. I can see that maybe he could be doing that, but I prefer to think he's just being upfront and allowing OP to decide. You can't protect wen who are venerable to that stuff. It's a dating site, you don't know who you are talking to, you should always be guarded and cautious. It's better to know before she's in his bed, so I think he's being responsible if not a little pushy...

Original poster
msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 20:32

BTW, we would have met by now if he hadn't been on nights this week....I won't be indulging in long protracted text/phone relationships before I've met someone again!!

On the other hand, I'd be clueless about the dungeon wouldn't I?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/09/2011 20:32

It seems I am not that out of date and old fashioned after all Grin

I didnt think I was to start with, but having never done on-line dating, I wasnt sure if discussing your sexual preferences was the norm before you even buy each other a white wine spritzer and half a bitter Grin

For what its worth, I have a few friends who have met and married their partners through dating sites, so I am not opposed to it in general. I think I am way too cynical to try it out though if I was to find myself single.

MangoMonster · 29/09/2011 20:32

Back tracking is not good...

tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:32

"he was willing to be the man in my life but not if I won't be honest."

I told you this wasn't about the fetish.

Sofabitch · 29/09/2011 20:33

And extreme analogy maybe. But if it was that important to him he shouldn't have been on that site. OP we could have some fun here Wink if you're chatting.

squeakytoy · 29/09/2011 20:34

E-harmony was the site that my friends have all used successfully by the way.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:34

MM

I don't wish to say "I told you so"

but...

I told you all so

why don't you lot ever listen to me ? Wink

tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:34

When I say "I told you" I mean something like that, but that makes me sound like less of a massive gloating wanker

Original poster
msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 20:34

The worst of it is, he was the most normal and sane guy who contacted me [shocked]

OP posts:
tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:35

Haha AF, xpost, you massive gloating wanker Grin

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:35

< links arms with teth >

Original poster
msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 20:36

Sofa, I don't think I want to wind him up any more, I imagine there's probably spittle and everything judging by the ferocity of his latest text Grin

it wouldn't be playing fair.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:37

teth, I have to blow my own trumpet, because people think I am a bitter old hag who wants to spoil people's fun for some strange reason

I am very often right though

tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:37
tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:38

I was right first, you know Grin

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:38

< caresses the flowerpot >

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:38

no, I was right first

mumblechum told me I was harsh waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ages ago Wink

MangoMonster · 29/09/2011 20:39

AF ha ha. Ok ok, you were kind of right! But I like to give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I can see that you have some insight but I just think it's hard to be black and white based on OP post sometimes. I know I have been often misunderstood and like to make sure I'm not misunderstanding others.

Original poster
msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 20:39

Ok, he's given up with good grace now. Still reckons the S&M isn't a biggie. Couldn't say why he mentioned it to me though!

Do I keep my profile up there and just resolve to meet anyone I like the sound of within a few days of mailing?

HELPPPPP ME PLEEAAASSSSE!

OP posts:
tethersend · 29/09/2011 20:40

MsS, tell him that winding men up is very important to you and part of who you are- you are just being open enough to share that with him. Tell him it's a shame, as you were prepared to grace his life with your presence, but since he is too small minded to deal with your preferences, you had better look elsewhere.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 20:41

it sounds like a cliche (sorry about that) but I do think women are worth more than having to put up with this kind of fucking drivel

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 29/09/2011 20:41

What are 'farah slacks'?

Original poster
msshapelybottom · 29/09/2011 20:41

tethers Grin

OP posts: