potential date big into S&M, I'm not, would it bother you?

[msshapelybottom]

Been chatting, speaking on the phone and texting a guy from POF this week, getting on like a house on fire, supposed to be meeting next week. The conversation turned to fantasies and he said he is into S&M, not just a bit of light bondage, the whole shebang.

I am not into this at all, in fact the idea of it turns me right off and really feel there's no point even meeting if we are already going to be out of synch sexually speaking. In all honesty, I'm no prude, but I feel kinda funny about him now I know this.

Am I being daft letting this stop me from meeting him? He's gobsmacked that it would bother me.

If someone is into S&M and role play, can they still enjoy "vanilla" sex with someone? It's a genuine question BTW, I'd really like to know!

Thoughts please?

What is a vanilla relationship? is it just normal sex? God, I'm getting old.

As a PoF guy myself, I can't imagine discussing my sexual preferences with a cyber lady I'd never actually even met!
He's clearly on there to get his end away, no wonder most women on there think all PoF men are like this!

Swallowdafly, you've put into words exactly why I feel weird about it. The fact that sex (for me) should be about the energy at the time, not just about one person.

I am totally stealing "kinkster"

Yeah. Vanilla. Plain old fashioned sex.

yeah. fetish potentially = selfish to me.

as in not really seeing a person but a puppet to play the fantasy role.

Why on earth are you even discussing fantasies when you have yet to even meet? Blimey

It seems a bit odd that he is looking on pof. There are other sites that would meet his needs much better. ?

plain old fashioned sex? well i guess it would seem that way if you needed someone to piss on you or beat you with whips to get off

Thanks sofabitch :)

shall we get him to pm you sofabitch?

He'll probably be on those sites as well, SB.

It's a kind of joke a play on words. Vanilla is the standard flavour. That "most" people like.

I met someone who assured me it was ok that I wasn't into all things 'alternative' as much as he was...but over time he started to groom me and then beg and I hated it. It was awful. We lived together for 16 months before I couldn't take it anymore. His whole life revolved around bondage. Reading stories, talking about it etc and later I found out he'd been going to see pro-dommes. In the end I'd had enough and went on my way. Your guy may not be like this and I really hope not, especially if all else looks like it has promise...but be warned...sometimes they fool themselves (and others) into thinking that they can cope with a life of vanilla. All the best!

Haha no thanks you can keep him. send him in the direction of his local munch

Pof??????

i don't like this vanilla label. it seems to imply that the kinkster is normal or outgoing and creative whilst the person who likes a full range of sex and positions etc etc but not into hardcore fetish stuff has something wrong with them or is naive or puritan or something. i call BS on that label.

This whole thread makes me glad not to be looking for a partner.

I would so much rather be single than have conversations with randoms about him eating my shit.

Plenty of Fish. I know this because of a previous thread title along the lines of 'AIBU to be annoyed with this man about Plenty of Fish?'

It confused me.

laurie - me too.

in fact i think i'd prefer to stay single for life than have sex/snogs/oral with a man who ate my shit.

i could possibly pack it in little bags and sell it to strangers with the burning desire to eat it for the right price though.

Vanilla is just basic, plain. Surely most people have tried some very, very light bondage nowadays? Involving that horrible chocolate body paint? Or a sleep mask over the eyes?

Or positions other than missionary?

sex doesn't have to be 'basic' or 'plain' just because you're not into fetishes though. i don't think light bondage counts as fetish or anything out there does it?