advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

I sound sorry for myself........... ignore me. I imagine lots of people on here have a lot on

Jews, this is the time when your exh should've willing to take on more, not less. Want to put him forward to the MN HitSquad?

Jeeez, not Jews - apologies!

I have decided to look into counselling as I feel I am becoming a RL bore. I am on my own in the evening and that's when its worse. Where can I find out about them. My doctor just offered me anti- depressants.

I would LOVE to put exh forward for a hit. He is a real disney dad to the other two and I am boring mum that keeps everything ticking over.... moan moan rant rant

Maryz if you ever come to Kent feel free to come for a cuppa lol :}

Oh god that sounds just like DS!!!

In his CPA they wrote he challenges them every month when they read him his rights. I can imagine that happening too. He can't let it go! And he will never win.

They are like a dog with a bone when they get going............

Have a big glass on wine on me as I understand totally. You have my sympathy

all round - you so do deserve it and I'm always up for a glass cup that cheers...

I feel extremely concerned for you, wannabe. Your body is giving you a very powerful message that it needs a break. Please, honey, take your foot off the pedal and ease up for a while because the last thing you need is another hospital stay.

Looking at your schedule for today it's difficult to see where you can cut down, but this is a time for microwave meals, paper plates, a laundry service - anything that can lighten the load and relieve you of some of the daily druge.

You also need to get some of the stress you have been living with for so very long 'out' and, to this end, ask your GP to refer you for counselling - your first appointment will be an assessment to work out what will be the be most effective therapy for you.

Of course this means that you will be visiting another mental hospital or psychiatric unit albeit this time for yourself but, heigh ho, you gotta laugh at the irony of it all - they have ways of driving you mad

Reading your posts, Maryz & wannabe, I'm reminded of the playwright Nathaniel Lee who spent 5 years in Bedlam (Royal Bethlem) and who commented 'I called them mad and they called me mad, and damn them, they outvoted me'.

O for such insouciance in face of shrinks. It seems to me that's always the elephant in the room; even when our anger is righteously justified we have to constrain ourselves in their presence for fear of being restrained by the men in white coats

Don't fret, Maryz. From where I'm sitting you have every appearance of a swan effortlessly gliding across a lake in Hades

Sounds like he's going to be the next Jeremy Paxman, Maryz. Can't wait to see him interviewing politicians on Newsnight

That's not so very different to what Jeremy does... I reckon your boy's got a future on the Newsnight team

'daily druge' WTF??!! 'daily drudge'

Thank you Izzy and Maryz for continuing to make me chuckle. I had around two hours sleep. Feel like a zombie today.......... not great in school.

I have been recalled to St Thomas' in May as my results aren't great so will be getting an MOT. Will also attend Doctor and ask about counselling.

Am LOVING the idea of paper plates, microwave and a cleaner :}

Life is hard work generally at the mo.

DS is really bad at the mo. Med refusing, paranoid, ill again. Threatened with another child to barricade the door in a room and beat a member of staff to death. I mean WHAT THE HELL!! He has NO concept of his actions, I am so tired and fed up. I going to see him saturday.

I have FUCKED up my tax credits and I think will be left with FUCK ALL to live on.

Social worker sent me an email to say ' we can maybe facilitate helping you to see him as when you bother to visit he improves' WHAT THE FUCK!!! I go when I am allowed and they can refuse a visit as they have. It is NOT my fault he is in Birmingham 326 miles away.

I am ill, due in hospital monday and so so so tired and fed up.

End of rant.........

WTF???!!! when you bother to visit???!!!

I'm gobsmacked. If this is an example of how s/he views you, that social worker is thoroughly unprofessional and needs to be drummed out of the service.

There is so much still to be done for your ds and I've held off from adding more to your thread because of my concern for your health.

The common problem in these cases is that it can virtually be a full time job for one individual to bring 'authorities' and/or 'institutions' to account, and the health and wellbeing of many previously hale and hearty souls has been wrecked in the process.

I suggest you pass this particular communication to Bindmans and ask them to make the necessary complaint - don't bother to respond to it yourself at the present time; you need to rest up as much as possible and try (jeez, I know I'm asking the impossible) not to let the stress get the better of you.

If only we had remote controls that would allow us to switch off the endless churning of our thoughts - and zappers that would instantly remove twats like this social worker from our various equations.

Btw, are they paying for your trip to Birmingham - and, if not, why not? O godalmighty. I feel bad for asking this question as it may be yet another 'issue' for you to have to take on board.

((((hugs))) and honey. All things must pass and you will get through this.

Quickfix time, honey, If you haven't already done so, get yourself a prescription for sleeping pills.

You don't need to take them every night but 5-10mg of temazepam or similar will ensure that you get 4-5 hours of the quality sleep that you deperately need to replenish and restore your reserves - which I suspect are running on empty.

Social services said they would try and facilitate it....... that's when she made her crass comment. It has deeply upset me that someone would think that about me. I have NEVER turned my back on him or not been there for him. I am battling long term illness [have an appointment at Guys on the 14th] and all this. I am literally out of energy and over loaded.

When will someone give me a break. God that sounds self pitying but I just want to cry. I will pass comments on to Bindmans though, the social worker spelt my name, DS's name wrong too. May sound petty but think she could get that right when you are passing judgement on someone. Bindmans want money up front £400 - so am worried about tax credits etc as am scrapping to find that before they can/will do a lot more.

Feel so upset and battle weary today. Palpitations are bad. Will try and see doctor. Thanks Izzy

I thought Bindmans were acting for ds in which case their work will be legally aided - why are they asking you for money?

You deserve a bloody good wallow in self-pity honey. Don't be scared to immerse yourself in it for a while; it's the only way to process the feelings that are aroused by the slings and arrow of, in your case, outrageous and prolonged ill-fortune.

Twats like this sw need shooting. Have a good weep for yourself, and for the fact that incompetents like her are free to pontificate over the lives of others.

Try and facilitate? This twat should get off her arse and do the job she's overpaid to do.

They have to start by working for me apparently and THEN they can apply to work for DS. So I have to stump it up. I am nearly there but as I mentioned in another thread I fucked up my childcare costs by working it out sept to sept instead of the tax year. I will owe them a lot so I reckon my new award will be low and god knows how they will try and take back the money I owe. I have been told I could claim exceptional circumstances due to situation with DS. Its so unlike me to balls this sort of thing up but I had so much going on. I am such a fool.

I am not saying this for affect nor would I act on it but I am so so low and everything feels insurmountable.

You have to fight for every tiny thing.