Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 5

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Welcome!

This is the latest instalment in a series of threads for those who are in abusive relationships, those who have left abusive relationships, and those gearing to leave.

Come vent, share, give and receive support.

The first question you may be asking yourself as a new visitor to this thread is:

Am I being abused?

Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.

Thank you for sharing that nettles

What the hell did he do to her? Good on his girlfriend for coming to see you

You never hear of women that have regretted their decision to leave do you?

Oh my Lord......I'm in pieces.

H came to see children, was loving father, tears about how mummy had made him go , didn't behave too badly other than that, of course as only had to keep it up for a few hours but plenty of digs that he is "trying to forgive mummy" still NO acknowledgement that any of this could be his fault.

Kids tell me he is gathering people that I know to try to persuade me that I am wrong...wonder if he will manage to find anyone?????

Just want to crawl into a hole and cry, forever.

Oh Crap fool that's horrid. Don't know what to say, I don't know how best to handle it- I'm sure someone else here is wiser. I guess you don't handle it? I think once the initial shock or pain has past you will feel better. Just tell the kids you had to make him go because he wasn't treated you nice. People who are married should take care of and respect each other. Tell them its nite their fault. How old are they?

oh foolonthehill. He is an arse. This is how my H will react.
Keep strong x

oldest girl is 10 all 18 months apart downwards from there.

They actually don't know that the fact that they told their school what daddy was like at home means that SServices are involved..I won't tell them that this is the case incase they take responsibility for the break up..which would not be fair or true....but i wish I could tell HIM that when they are all begging him not to go and crying!!!

wish I could see the future and know this is what is best.

Come on fool you DO know this is best. Otherwise they would have to endure his shite day in, day out. Thinking it is normal. You are showing them it is neither normal nor acceptable

Don't forget what has occurred for you to be in this situation you are in now.

Sorry- phone!

You don't want to go backwards from here. You won't stay like this forever. You need to go forwards. And you will

FOTH It IS what's best - we are unanimous in that (anyone care to disagree?)
You are right
You are right
You are right
You are right
Ok?

thanks for that...needed it..

.must keep telling myself that it is his behaviour that got us here, and there's no evidence he's taking any responsibility for his actions.........................

is ther a point when you stop crying every hour???

He had a go when he got up at 12pm because DCs grandad is supposed to be taking them out today. He hates my parents being around/involved with the kids. He then told me that he had plans for the DCs today. Involving downloading a film for them to watch while he ignores them most likely. DCs are ready to go and I said I was going to lie down as illness flaring badly. He told me I could just stay down with them because of what I'd done "underminding him"
DCs followed me upstairs. Older DC shared then that when I'm not at home or lieing down during a flare up he will say to her "don't mind your mother she's an idiot"

^^ Ha, projecting much?! How dare he do that? When you are in pain! Please tell your DC's that using the word idiot to describe someone is disrespectful, without mentioning you or him, and try to say this with absolute authority.

FOTH - Yes, there is a point where you stop crying. And then there's a point when you stop frowning, and a point when you start smiling...and so on. And you WILL get there.

oooh love that phrase "undermining me"...mine uses that at all times and in all places...2weeks ago we're sitting in church and DS was flopping about...after a bit of argy bargy with dad he came to sit on my lap...got the cold killing stare ( I was unaware he had been telling DS off...for nothing imo) and apparently giving him a cuddle was "undermining" he (H) went and sulked in the kitchen until we left!!!!!

Undermining!!!! Had he told you he was going to do something with DCs??? no and he's obviously not so bothered that he's going to call GPs and put them off so he can carry on and do it...ohhhh no...he's playing the victim, and guess what he's trying to split your DD's feelings too!

thanks

Oh yeah, you cant say anything
One time DD (not yet 1) was grizzling
Ex: What's wrong with her
Me: She wants picked up
Ex: Dont talk to me like that
Me:

Arrgh where to start with my story....This is so hard yet im compelled to tell

you all, to let you in on my life. I need clarification, obectivity and sound

advise. I know Ill get it here.....How have I ended up like this.....a sad piece

of nothing who can't make a decision about her own life.....Yes I know I had

the soul sucked out of me by an emotional vampire...but my light keeps

coming on and going off again....I think right im off!! then I think no why

should Me and my DCs leave? why should I put us through all that.

I hate my life. Im sure I hate myself too

scream...still think you hate someone else...not yourself really is it? You're just used to protecting someone else!

And really...could you be more messed up than the rest of us either are or have been???? I doubt it...we've all been there, felt stupid, felt worthless, felt nothing. Switch that light on...and come and share..no-one's going to judge you, and we're in cyberspace...you can run away anytime you like...we have no power, no control and no axe to grind...you can even name change and we'd never know!!!!!!

Yes scream, thats how I feel to a T. You're not alone. Whats more not only did I get rid of one pisstaking man out of my life years ago, I got out got strong and then fell for pisstaking twat number 2 and here I am still struggling to get out. In the inbetween years I was so strong an independent but obviously not enough because twat rightly sucked me in.

Hate is a strong emotion isn't it...I truly believe he "hates" me, he must

do....to do what he has done to me....his wife!! the mother of his children!!.

The things his actions have driven me to do.....not out of revenge...out

of pure insanity..he pushes my self destruct buttons so well..

I am ashamed to say I ve stuck my head right in the sand and left it there for

years. This is why its so hard to talk about it all (in real life too).

Its all got so mixed up and confused in my head im afraid it will come out that

way.

Thanks for posting, fool,and WOM, this is deffo making it turn from surreal to

real...iukwim. XX:)

Yes me too Break...:( second timer too....this time however I knew...I feckin Knew!! no good would come of it...Id just found out i was expecting DS 1...the rest is history.....

Make new history Scream!

It's okay Scream.
We're here.

Yes Madam I know and am soooo grateful....to you and all.

One day soon I'll talk to you and make new history. I do know that feeling of freedom...of waking up in the

morning with a feeling of peace and calm..like your refreshed and ready for

the day ahead. Atm I wake up and feel only panic and anxiety. I get up and

take my meds...a beta blocker to numb the anxiety...An anti depressant to

help heal my troubled soul. Thyroxine, had to have my thyroid removed years

ago. Colofac for my IBS...And nurophen for my erm...well...sore arse(

sorry)...cos of stupid constipation, God why have i just typed that...thats how

i live. Sad innit.

I wish dh would leave...but then id feel guilty for my DCs. So see! round and

round I go. Im really waffling on aren't I

nope...not waffling...just noticing where you are

...now since alien abduction of spouse is unlikely and he's unlikely to leave of his own accord as at the moment his life is probably very comfortable as you have all the stress (and stress-related ailments) for both of you...what's next.....??

That is a good observation re stress. Yes. They create the stress and you then suffer it. Mine would then just remove himself from the atmosphere/stress he had created and go and sleep, leaving me to pick up the pieces with the dc.