Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wife has just left me and I'm trying to workout what's happend.

262 replies

John39 · 26/09/2011 15:46

My first post here. I just want to talk about what's happened, I haven't spoken to anyone else about this.

I met my wife in '94. I was 22, she was 18. We married in '97 and spent the next 8 years working, traveling and sharing our lives. We had our first child in '05 and now we have three kids, two girls and a boy.

She has always been quite moody and difficult to workout what she's thinking. When we first got together she was venomously jealous of anyone who I came into contact with, especially women! I basically had to say goodbye to all my friends and devote all my attention to her - she now admits this was the case.
In '98 here parents divorced after 30 years and she took it hard. On top of this her sister moved to Oz with her husband and son. She went to the Dr and was prescribed AD. I decided she needed a change of scenery so I applied for a job in Oz and got it. We went out there in 2001 and stayed with her sister for a few weeks then left QLD for NSW to start my job. She hated it and despite my boss giving her a job too she was determined we left. So we went back to her sister's where I got another job for a few months then came home to the UK. However, while we were there we had fun and she came off the AD and returned to her normal self.

Back in the UK I got another job that was well paid and she started working too. Then she got pregnant and than during her pregnancy she was pretty neurotic, but tried to reassure her and do my best. It all went well and she had a healthy baby girl. So we had two more over the next three years! Just before the third was born I left my job because of the silly long and antisocial hours. I wanted to be there for the kids and her and give her the opportunity to run a small business which she had started on Ebay to earn a bit of extra cash and keep her mind sharp. We shared the work, looking after the kids and housework. We were both much happier. Then about 12 months ago she decided she didn't want to do the business anymore, wanted to look after the kids and wanted me to work instead. I agreed as I always do and started on my own and it's been going really well. We don't have money worries, live out in the country in a lovely spot and have three lovely children. However, since our eldest started school my wife has been more involved with other people and made friends, the first time since I've know her. She goes out often and leaves me with the three kids- I don't mind. I haven't got many friends anymore because of what she was like early in our relationship, but I don't mind, the family is more important. She's also got involved on every committee in the village, does fundraising for the preschool and PTA and this takes up a huge amount of both our time - but it seem to mate her happy to I go along with it.
Apart from all this she's still breastfeeding our 2yo and sleeps with her in our bed so there's been no room for me. I've been sleeping in the single beds with either of the other two kids since the youngest was born.

Anyway, out of the blue two weeks ago she handed me a letter saying she wanted to separate and went to live with her mother. The reasons? She says she's changed and so have I - and that's it. No discussion, nothing. No regard to how it will effect the kids - nothing! Luckily her mum lives a stones throw from us and my 4yo boy wants to stay with me, so that's some support and is keeping me going.

Sorry to go on, I just had to get this out somewhere. I've got absolutely no one in my life to share this with.

OP posts:
GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 29/09/2011 18:37

It so saddening - this kind of thread makes me really suspicious of responding to male posters. Too many turn out like this

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 29/09/2011 18:37

AF - exactly

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 18:44

I made an effort with this one, GAFHYB

I have a certain {undeserved} rep for being nasty to men on MN

So here we are < shrugs >

AbbyAbsinthe · 29/09/2011 19:25

Loving Tyr's posts today. Listen to this man, John, he speaks sense.

Tyr · 29/09/2011 21:18

Abby and AF,

Thank you for the kind words.

However, I have a feeling that Elvis may now have left the building, so to speak.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 29/09/2011 21:25

Ladies, please don't get cynical because of one misfit. Some of us blokes have received a lot of support here and could do with more. The oddballs show their cards and get outed fairly quickly.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 21:25

I think Elvis has died on the bog, in fact

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 21:26

GMSS, don't worry about that

not gonna happen

AbbyAbsinthe · 29/09/2011 21:32

I always take posters at face value anyway. Occasionally they're twats, just like life really!

I agree that the OP is unlikely to return. He believes he's made his point Hmm

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 21:33

as long as he believes it...all is well in his world, eh ?

Tyr · 29/09/2011 22:12

Whatever the motives of the OP, the responses and advice stand. If he came on these forums with that story, hoping to attract a lot of bigoted responses, he failed. As far as I can see, he got sympathy and support until he went off on one. Even then, most folk were pretty gentle with him.
I?ve seen a few of these posts now and they all have one thing in common- they are all hopelessly one-sided.
They remind me of those chain letters and I wonder if someone is producing them to post here just to see what reaction they get. This one is also strange in the sense that the OP does not ask for advice on how to proceed which is usually the first thing someone in a situation like that would do.
Anyway, I think the majority of the posts are a credit to those who placed them.

mycherubs · 29/09/2011 22:13

John you have so much going on in your life right now which must be incredibly draining, dont waste any time on here 'arguing' blimey lifes too short! hope u get everything sorted ... good luck

Grannyof6 · 30/09/2011 10:08

Personally, I'm thrilled about being called a 'militant feminist' Seriously, I'm quite the scone-baking old bore in real life.

The most feminist thing I've ever done is listen to "Women's Hour'!

Dozer · 30/09/2011 12:27

Grin grannyof6!

DuelingFanjo · 30/09/2011 12:30

oh, so this turn out to be a thread with a not so hidden agenda?

We seem to have loads of these 'if this had been a woman posting all you feminists wouldn't be replying like this' threads lately. Is there some kind of invasion going on by people trying to prove some point?

AnyF · 30/09/2011 12:48

DF, yes

madwomanintheattic · 30/09/2011 14:35

and oddly when they were called out about (not so) hidden agendas for posting solely on the fem board, now they are riding roughshod all over the place. it's a real treat.

but at least it means that some non fem posters will see what the fem board has been repeatedly subjected to of late. wait for the stalkers, they're real fun.

Hmm
GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 30/09/2011 16:22

GMSS - no, I won't let cynicism triumph

littlesue · 30/09/2011 19:18

What happened here - scanned the last few pages. Feel so sorry for poor John...it's like a witch hunt. I think he's genuine and came on here to get sympathy and have a rant. Remember he has no one to talk to in RL. Give him a break, his life has just turned upside down.

Good luck John.

LoremIpsum · 30/09/2011 19:44

Probably best to read the thread, littlesue. A précis of what led to the last few pages would just fan the flames.

AbbyAbsinthe · 30/09/2011 20:30

Honestly, littlesue, it's not unjustified.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/09/2011 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 30/09/2011 20:34

littlesue - with all due respect, can you really comment if you have not read the whole thread?

madwomanintheattic · 30/09/2011 20:36

it's apparently ok when it's tidied away neatly and only affects the fem board. if it's splashed all over the site, it might actually get dealt with. i'm not holding my breath though.

madwomanintheattic · 30/09/2011 20:37

when i say 'the fem board' i mean 'users of the fem board' - apols for utter incoherence.