What should I do?

[babypusher7]

Im posting on here because Im at a place I dont want to be and need some advice

My oh making me so unhappy,I just dont feel anything anymore,he checks my phone all the time,he puts me down in front of people,takes money from me,things are really bad and getting worse latley,the thing is Im pregnant and I told him he went nuts,he kickes off at the little things a cupple of weeks ago I left the light on and he really kicked off big time,I rang the police but they let him go the next morning so he took it out on me.

I sometimes feel like most of its my fault and if I could try harder to please him it wouldnt happen,but the more I try the worse he gets

can anyone offer advice on what to do ? x

I just don't get it. I'm not being harsh either because I was in your position once.

I don't understand how the police have left you unsupported and not at least got ss involved. As it's twice now. I'd almost say that was negligent allowing you and your dc back there. If this is indeed the actual case.

You have a phone, dial 999 get the police around and tell them, phone this copper who left his number. They can get wa involved for you instantly, the dv unit and everyone.

What about phoning social services yourself? I'm on phone (at work) so can't look but you or someone should be able to search for Nottingham social services

Or setting up an anonymous free gmail or hotmail account that he doesn't know about?

phone who back? they offerd me numbers I didnt take them x

I have worked with the police and I too am amazed they haven't informed SS, they have to, its routine in these situations.

That's what I mean loopy. Something is really not sitting right with me on this thread. Either the police are negligent or it's something else. There is NO WAY with 2 call outs the police wouldn't have got ss involved and told op they were doing so under the guide of support and someone to talk to.

Which is what they are actually there for!

I dunno, I've been here and it's just not sitting right with me, so all the best op.

Op I don't know why you don't just ring the police again and come out with it, they can get you seen to by wa and the dv unit.

If you message one of us we can forward it

You can set up an ID as well via hotmail, presumably that wold be safe as long as you do not tell him. Easy, takes two minutes on hotmail website.

Police may well have notified bubble; they're not always good at communicating that it is aprt of their procedure as it scares people but they do it anyway.

OP- I want to be supportive and really nie but I want more for you to get hell out. Are you aware this man could kill your unborn child? That chances are he will one day start on the otehr one? How could anything be worth that? I remember aged about ten sitting in the living room screed as hell whilst my Mum shouted 'help me he's raping me' and I can assure you that you do not want that for your children. And that these days people know the shitty outcomes for kids raised in that environment and will take action.

www.nottinghamshire.gov.uk/home/social_care/ss-main-contactss.htm

Nottingham social services

www.ndvf.org.uk/

nottingham domestic violence forum

And after that I really wish you luck and hope some more patient sould can stay and support you becuase you absolutely deserve that but I am not sure where the line is between supporting and enabling here so will be keeping an eye but withdrawing.

Please call someone.

babypusher have read your thread.

Just to reiterate. He is an abuser, he won't change. Most likely it will get worse and eventually he will extend it to your child(ren). If he hasn't already

You have been ground down by abuse and have NO faith in yourself, or in anyone's ability to help you. This is not your fault.

You are not the only one who has felt this way. We KNOW it is not your fault...even going back is not your fault, but you need to go again and to stay away.

he has tried to take away everything that is you....but you are still in there, you just need the chance to come back. Give yourself and your children that chance

I can't tell you how to go..

....but in Nottingham there is women's refuge, the police can take you there, your midwife/health visitor can take you there.

Maybe in real life you feel you are so alone that there is no-one but him, but we are all out here, in real life, and lots of people like us...we want to meet you, we believe in you and we want you to be free.

please gather all the strength you can from all of us...we are out here for you, and lots more like us.

Get out, please get out...it won't get better.
Get out for the children if you can't for yourself. What if you have a daughter....................?

Are you ringing the WA national number or your local WA? You may well find it is a lot easier to phone your local refuge direct, this is the route I took and they had me out of my situation within 24 hours. It would have been sooner if I hadn't had things I needed to sort first. HTH

what do you want to do Baby? What will make you comfortable? x

im phoning the 0808 number on their website, thats why i didnt want to post tmi on here.

baby, you will have much more success by phoning your local refuge. They will offer you a floating support worker who will meet with you and discuss your options, there will be no pressure to do anything or make any decisions, but you will have support.

I said i wouldnt and I will go now but how about rape crisis

Nottingham Rape Crisis: 0115 941 0440

they are fabulous and rape in amrriage IS rape

thankyou, im going to ring refuge first x

midlands womens aid 0115 925 7647

they are great, the refuge is OK and they can get you somewhere far away if you want.

love you baby, love yourself a little.

got to do school run now, will check in a little while

Im am going to ring the police again, I just carnt speak,so Im thinking they will KNOW without me having to say to much.

you can set up an anonymous email with gmail or hotmail or yahoo

if you dont say whats happening to you, the police or social services cant help you and your child. Dont be ashamed, its not your fault. But even if you think it is your fault, then get help for your little child, tell yourself you are doing it for their safety.

If you cannot talk, could you show someone (police, WA etc) this thread? Good luck.

please listen, this is something Reality posted some time ago, and it's all true. Read it as many times as necessary until you believe it:

Every person deserves to have a relationship where they are treated with respect, love and equality. There is never an excuse for verbal, physical or financial abuse.

If you partner treats you like shit, it is their fault. It is not because of something you have done.

You can't change an abusive man by being 'better' or sticking by him where others haven't, or by changing yourself.

Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their partner, or skirting round issues that might upset him.

It doesn't matter how much he says sorry and makes it up to you, if he continues to abuse you those apologies are worthless.

Don't be fooled into thinking the abuse isn't 'bad enough to leave'. If you are treated in any way less than cherished, loved and respected, it is bad enough to leave.

There is never a reason to stay with an abusive man. He won't kill himself if you leave him, he won't take your children, and yes, everybody will believe you.

done it,on way x

Good luck babypusher. Stay strong!

Tell them everything. Don't worry about them, they're trained and ready to help you