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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What should I do?

244 replies

babypusher7 · 24/09/2011 16:25

Im posting on here because Im at a place I dont want to be and need some advice

My oh making me so unhappy,I just dont feel anything anymore,he checks my phone all the time,he puts me down in front of people,takes money from me,things are really bad and getting worse latley,the thing is Im pregnant and I told him he went nuts,he kickes off at the little things a cupple of weeks ago I left the light on and he really kicked off big time,I rang the police but they let him go the next morning so he took it out on me.

I sometimes feel like most of its my fault and if I could try harder to please him it wouldnt happen,but the more I try the worse he gets

can anyone offer advice on what to do ? x

OP posts:
kat2504 · 26/09/2011 14:56

It's not over. well done for trying today. Now you have tried you will be able to try again. I didn't realise you already had a child in the house. But this man is dangerous, he has been raping and assaulting you and keeping you prisoner in the house. All of this is totally totally illegal.
You can tell us whatever you like, you don't need to worry about that.
I think you should dial 999 as soon as he is out of the house and ask the police to come and remove you to safety. You must tell them all that he has done, don't play it down so they think it's "just a domestic". Say you tried to leave to get to the station this morning but he stopped you.

If you stay there he will keep on abusing you. If you stay there tonight he may abuse you to punish you for trying to get out.
Ring 999 as soon as you can and it will be over soon.
He has not won yet. Don't let him. Be strong for you son and your unborn baby.

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 14:57

You didn;t have much of a choice did you in that situation? Why would anyone hate you?

You are not trapped but he ahs you so well imprisoned that it will take a lot of support to get out. Where are you? there might be someone lcoal who can pull up outside your palce whilst you jump in and roar away; or
take you to the police, whatever.

Call the police; dial them NOW and tell them you are scared for your safety and can they come, nowt he can do when they are there and just insist on leaving with them. You will never have to see him again. You can meet someone nice, someone HUMAN if you want. In safety. So many people dial 999 for graffittti, just call them, say you ehard hinm outside and got scared can they take you NOW.

Please I will beg you if I have to don't give up. This man could kill you and your children. your self confidence is low of course but is it worth their lives?

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 14:59

Also nobody on here hates you! You are going through the most awful time and we are here to help. But you must realise how bad your situation is and get someone to help you in real life. Once you are out the police or WA will take you to safety and you will have the rest of your life without him ever hurting you again.

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 14:59

As youa lready ave a child your HV or social services can also help.

Before he takes inetrnet- and he will- email someone on this page with your details and they can call SSD and tell them: they will get you out.

Imagine if the baby is a girl and you found out she ahd been raped by her H and was putting up with it becuase 'you did Mum'. That's what happens. I know this to be true from personal situations.

Good luck.

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 15:01

Feel free to message me BTW

I'm plenty searchable on here for some kind of reference, under the name Peachy. I would merrily call your loal SSD and police and tell them to get around to you. I expect most people on here would.

But 999 is fastest.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:01

That's a good idea about PMing details.
I think the situation is more urgent that HV to be honest. She needs to be out of there today before he does any more harm to her and the baby. He will probably beat her and rape her tonight if she stays.

Please ring 999 as soon as he is out of earshot.

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 15:03

Kat HV can call police and SSD (SD are very definite about DV) and get her out of there whilst making calls on her behalf, it might be something she can do without raising suspicions IYSWIM? Routine check etc?

Whichever though do it NOW

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:04

if i phone 999.will they come fast?,scared hell be back? its not an emargency,

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:04

Yes it IS an emergency. They will come straight away. DO it please.

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 15:05

Yes

tell them you heard him outside and you are scared

It's an emergency then. It really is.

Easy enough to say he drove past or you made a mistake but he raped you and he will hurt you get me out NOW when police are there

Just call them.

Even if you can't speak just shout help then hang up: they will find yopu (on a landline) and come anyway.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:06

It is an emergency because you are being held prisoner in a dangerous situation that you have already tried to leave today.
Tell them what he did to you last night. Say you are scared. Say he is violent and you are pregnant and have a young child. Tell them to remove you and take you somewhere safe.

buzzskillington · 26/09/2011 15:06

If you've been raped and cannot leave your home because of his threats/control, it is an emergency.

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:07

ok

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 15:07

I have to do teh school run now I am sorry

I will keep this up and be back very quicjkly indeed.

If I get abck and read you called 999 and are awaiting police you will have changed around what has been a shitty week: if you can;t do it for you do it for the children, for some random bod on the internet.

Please.

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:11

i have done it

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:12

Excellent. will stay on while you are waiting if you are scared. Hope they are coming quickly.
Is your front door unlocked? If not can you open the windows?

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:13

Do not let them leave you there. INSIST you can not stay and get them to take you to a refuge.

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:13

talk to me please

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:14

iv opend the window

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:14

Stay strong. you will be gone from there forever soon. Your children will have a lovely life with you where they never need to be scared.

catherinea1971 · 26/09/2011 15:15

Has he locked you in hun, stay strong.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:15

It will be tough for you at first to start again with nothing, but it will be so much better and you will be so relieved to be safe again. You are only a few minutes from safety.

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:16

its taking so long,what have i done

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 15:16

when you get out, can you call your mum or something so wherever you are, you have a real voice to talk to you tonight?

babypusher · 26/09/2011 15:16

yes the doors locked