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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What should I do?

244 replies

babypusher7 · 24/09/2011 16:25

Im posting on here because Im at a place I dont want to be and need some advice

My oh making me so unhappy,I just dont feel anything anymore,he checks my phone all the time,he puts me down in front of people,takes money from me,things are really bad and getting worse latley,the thing is Im pregnant and I told him he went nuts,he kickes off at the little things a cupple of weeks ago I left the light on and he really kicked off big time,I rang the police but they let him go the next morning so he took it out on me.

I sometimes feel like most of its my fault and if I could try harder to please him it wouldnt happen,but the more I try the worse he gets

can anyone offer advice on what to do ? x

OP posts:

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 28/09/2011 14:55

Tell them everything. Don't worry about them, they're trained and ready to help you

CactusRash · 28/09/2011 15:12

baby just to say that you can do it!!!

I can promise you the outer world is much much better than hwere you are just now.

If you struggle to speak, show them this thread. PLease show them. You don't have say anything else. There is plenty enough on here to get you the help you need.

You deserve it! Stay strong and show them this thread
Everything is there. You won't have to say a word.

AbbyAbsinthe · 28/09/2011 16:17

Please baby, stay strong. You can do this. Everyone is rooting for you, you can get out of this shit, shit life. Think of your children, and what you are potentially saving them from.

foolonthehill · 28/09/2011 16:28

yeay well done babypusher. Stay strong...they've heard it before they've seen it before...

you deserve a life without fear ...this is your way into that life.....

show them this thread...yes? do it...so much easier than saying the words sometimes....

love going out to you from all of us

foolonthehill · 28/09/2011 16:29

keep strong, get out, stay out...be free..........................take one hour at a time

PeachyWhoCannotType · 28/09/2011 16:32

If you don't want to show them this thread write it in a letter to them and just hand it over. if you can't call them post the letter (use your name and address so they know): it might be unusual but who cares? Do what you need to in a way that works for you.

kat2504 · 28/09/2011 16:58

I know it is hard to talk to someone about horrible stuff, I am sure it is really hard to blurt it out. I think you should get a pen and paper and write down what you want the police to know. You can just hand it to them if it is too hard to talk about. I have had to do that regarding something totally different that I just couldn't get out in words and it was the only way I could ask for help that I desperately needed.

You must tell them and you must get yourself, your child and your unborn baby out of this situation. I know it is a hard thing to do but at some point you are going to have to take responsibility for providing a safe environment for your children, as you have a choice but they don't. He will never be a safe person to live with, in my opinion he has already abused your baby when he decided to rape you whilst pregnant.

All I can really say, is get out, tell the whole truth, stay out. This man should be locked up. If you tell people what is going on they have a responsibility to keep you and your child safe. If you don't tell, nobody can help you properly. Your child can't make this choice and is dependent on you doing the right thing.

kat2504 · 28/09/2011 17:01

Sorry I missed a page, I see you have been in touch with womens aid. Wishing you all the best. Please stay strong and don't turn down offers of help/useful numbers. take all the support you can get to stay safe.

foolonthehill · 28/09/2011 17:10

love going out to you...hope they are with you and you are OUT and SAFE.

Be good to yourself,

[

bigbird80 · 28/09/2011 18:23

Just sending love and support. You have inner strength that you are not yet aware of. Your children will be so much better off without this bully in their lives. They need to know this is not normal behaviour in a partnership. Hugs to you x

flimflammery · 02/10/2011 14:16

Hi babypusher. Just wanted you to know I've been thinking about you and wondering if you're OK. How are you? (realise you might not be in a position to post - or even see this)

babypusher · 02/10/2011 15:00

Hi Im ok thankyou,Im trying to take each hour at a time,Its not easy,very scary,but we are out and Im safe,I getting loads of help,I am starting to see how bad it was there tbh I couldnt see it,I thought I was not justified to ask for help.

My old scholl friends been helping me,shes with me now,

SS are involed now,the first time I phoned the police was 11 years ago,thats why they wernt involed on the second call.

Im trying to keep strong,sometimes Im ok,the next Im not but Im not looking back now,forwards now,I still think I have got to go along way,and not having family to helps not easy ,feel like I dont know anyone,but at least my friends here for me now.

I was very very low one day,and I posted on here,but you ALL got me over the first step so thankyou,I dont think I will be able to use the internet again for a long time but I will come back when I get the chance x

NettleTea · 02/10/2011 15:28

really pleased to hear you are out and have both support from real life friend and the professionals. Dont beat yourself up about having rough days - you are suffering from the shock of having realised the extent of the abuse you suffered, so its perfectly to be expected. have you thought about some councilling to help you through it all? Its very useful when coming out of these situations - an outlet for all that has happened, and like a mental 'reboot' to help you recognise the signs in the future. I know I found it invaluable

Onemorning · 02/10/2011 15:29

baby I've just read your thread, you've done a really brave thing. I'm glad you're safe xxx

flimflammery · 02/10/2011 15:31

Oh babypusher, I'm so glad you're OK and very very glad you're out and getting help. You've made that crucial first step and that took great courage, so well done (hope that doesn't sound patronising). You're beginning a new chapter in your life - where you start to get your self-respect back. No-one deserves what you got from that piece of shit. You are a beautiful strong loveable person, you deserve a life full of love and laughter.

I hope some of the others, who have more personal experience than me, will be along later with some practical advice and encouragement, and I hope you get a chance to check back in - if you have a bad day, come and post, maybe you can get online at a public library, with a hotmail or gmail email address. In the meantime - you go girl!

Chrononaut · 02/10/2011 15:32

Im so happy for you baby! your so brave for getting out! I wouldnt describe it as anything less than heroic!, big mumsnetty hugs to you! xx

flimflammery · 02/10/2011 16:17

[bumping this so the people who were posting earlier in the week see the good news!]

IWantWine · 02/10/2011 17:34

Thanks for bumping.

I am so relieved! Such great news. Definitely definitely go for the counselling babypusher and take all the help you can get, you deserve it and so many more good things also.

Dont ever see or speak to or communicate with that evil man again! Ever! Never!

TimeForMeIsFree · 02/10/2011 17:48

Well done babypusher One day and one step at a time. When you have a day where you think you should go back, or you miss him or want to contact him, don't do it, tell yourself you will see how you feel tomorrow. And keep doing that, keep putting it off until tomorrow and you will keep moving forward and away from him. Stay strong sweetheart

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