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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What should I do?

244 replies

babypusher7 · 24/09/2011 16:25

Im posting on here because Im at a place I dont want to be and need some advice

My oh making me so unhappy,I just dont feel anything anymore,he checks my phone all the time,he puts me down in front of people,takes money from me,things are really bad and getting worse latley,the thing is Im pregnant and I told him he went nuts,he kickes off at the little things a cupple of weeks ago I left the light on and he really kicked off big time,I rang the police but they let him go the next morning so he took it out on me.

I sometimes feel like most of its my fault and if I could try harder to please him it wouldnt happen,but the more I try the worse he gets

can anyone offer advice on what to do ? x

OP posts:

CactusRash · 26/09/2011 10:30

Please son't worry about paperwork. You can replace all of them.
But you won't be able to replace the days of fear you will spend with him if you are not leaving.

If it helps, please post about what has happened. Even if you think it's tmi.
You said talking about what is happening is helping you, Please carry on.

NettleTea · 26/09/2011 10:33

just another coming to offer support xxxxx

catherinea1971 · 26/09/2011 10:45

Hi babypusher, I have been following your thread since the start, you have had some really good advice from other posters, just wanted to let you know that there are lots of us all cheering for you hun, walk out of that door with your head high, on the other side of that door is your new and happy life, one that your and your baby deserve. Good luck. xxx

pinkchoccy · 26/09/2011 10:48

Hi babypusher,

have you got anybody that you can trust i.e. a friend. Maybe you could use their phone to find help. Maybe you could have a "word" that you use in conversations on the telephone to warn people that you need them to call at your home or to get help for you. Could you use a care of address to apply to housing in another area or somewhere you could feel safe and move to. Maybe seeing a solicitor when you can and taking out an injunction. I know fear can be overpowering but this is awful and you need support through this. Hope that you can find the strength.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 10:53

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. You have already had some top advice on here.
A man who rapes any woman is disgusting. A man who rapes a woman who is pregnant with his child is just beyond vile. He is not a man who you want to be around either yourself or this baby.

Get out your house as soon as you can. If you are scared could you perhaps take your packed bag with you to your police station and tell them what you have told us. Your first priority needs to be getting yourself to safety. Do not listen to anything he tells you. You will be so much better off when you are safely out of this.
Try to get out today. Perhaps other people may know better than me if it is a good idea to turn up at the police and get them to take you to safety with Womens Aid.

SirSugar · 26/09/2011 10:59

You could also Private message a poster ( click on message poster in blue bar above each post ) with your mobile phone number and some details about where you are. Not for them to call you but if your number comes up on their phone at any time day or night they know to call for help on your behalf.

ask whoever not to message you back via MN as MN messages you an email to say that someone has left a message ( you said hes checking your emails)

IWantWine · 26/09/2011 11:01

You are not stupid!!! And the police will come back to the house with you if you cant take everything with you when you leave.

Just go. You will get so much support.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 11:08

Also if the police have been sending him back to kick off again when you called them before, it sounds like they are not aware of the full extent of the abuse he is putting you through otherwise they would surely not be happy for him to be under the same roof as you.
When you phone or go to them, please make it 100% clear that it is absolutely not safe for you to be living there any more.

babypusher · 26/09/2011 11:34

Thanks for all the support,hes just been back now? he does all the time and now hes gone again,
Last night he forced me,in more than one way,then after he kicked me,slapped me then laughed,he made threats to,he wasnt sorry last night? he always is,this is imposible,hes took my phone too,well I carnt find it and Im sure it was on the side? Ill have another look for it.
Just dont know when hes coming back,I rang my hv this morning,I wanted to tell her everything but I couldnt speak,I know I sound stupid,it just wouldnt come out.
I think the doors open now do I just run??? If I dont post again for a while it means I have,Im going to see? x

AbbyAbsinthe · 26/09/2011 11:40

Babypusher, please, just go. Go now, while you have the chance. Go to the police station and they will help you. Please.

SirSugar · 26/09/2011 11:40

Go straight to police

babypusher · 26/09/2011 11:42

ok Im going,scared to death but if I dont go now I wont ever,x

IWantWine · 26/09/2011 11:42

I dont know what anybody else thinks, but I think the OP would be totally justified in dialling 999!

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 11:46

Go go go. If you can't get all the way then get to a phone box and dial 999.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing. Don't look back.

SirSugar · 26/09/2011 11:47

You are doing the right thing for you and your child.

I don't often urge people to leave, but in your case its absolutely the right thing to do. Your OH is so awful words fail me. You are not stupid, he is x

AbbyAbsinthe · 26/09/2011 11:48

Lot's of luck, OP. Let us know how you get on, we'll be thinking of you starting your new life xx

SanctiMoanyArse · 26/09/2011 11:49

Good luck baby.

phineasnigellus · 26/09/2011 11:53

Hi Babypusher, just want to add my support, you are so very brave, hope you are ok xx

IWantWine · 26/09/2011 11:55

I hope she gets away the police come and arrest him

CactusRash · 26/09/2011 13:35

Go Go Go.

I wisk you all the best baby. You deserve it.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 13:37

Just checking back. Hope that OP not being online for 2 hours is a good sign and means that she has got herself to a place of safety.

loopylou6 · 26/09/2011 13:49

Do you have another child op? if not, you'd be best speaking to your midwife rather than a hv.

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 26/09/2011 14:07

Baby, I truly hope you're with the police or wa right now!

babypusher · 26/09/2011 14:52

Im so sorry,your all going to hate me, I picked up my son,walked out the door,crossed the road,turned the corner and his van pulled up at the side of me, I knew he would,I told him I was going to the shop,he said what,without the pushchair,so he went with me and we came home.
I have sat here crying for hrs,looking at the same walls that I thought I wouldnt have to look at any longer and now Im back here again,for a few mins I thought I was free,He told me to go upstairs and you can guess the rest then he walked out like nothing happend,I havnt got the strenght to fight him anymore,looks like hes won,I know you are all hating me too for letting this man treat me this way ,sorry for that.

Hes always a step infront and I guess Im not cleaver enough for that,he saw it coming,he knew I was going so thats why hes back and forwards all day,thank god he hasnt taken the internet way from me to,otherwise I dont think I would be here.

I look at my son and I think how will it be with another baby to,can things get any worse than this?,I guess if they do ,well I wont see it,

Hes driving past now I can here his van, I know that noise and its the worst noise in the world.

I was neaver ment to upset anyone by posting to much info on here,but I had to get it out,theres things I still want to say but Im holding back.I need my babies to have a better life than me,I know that for sure,they need to know not be like their dad,they need to be happy.

Im trapped in these walls again,so sick of looking at them,who know what the answer is and Im sorry for messing things up when all of you have tried so hard to help us,I carnt get anything right anymore,so Im not going to try anymore.

I think,the game is over ,hes won and I lost,10 points to him.

so so sorry x

cestlavielife · 26/09/2011 14:56

you can leave again baby, this time you will make it .

remember ho you felt free?
you can do this.

is there police station nearby?
neighbour?
friend?
someone one you can go to?

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