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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What should I do?

244 replies

babypusher7 · 24/09/2011 16:25

Im posting on here because Im at a place I dont want to be and need some advice

My oh making me so unhappy,I just dont feel anything anymore,he checks my phone all the time,he puts me down in front of people,takes money from me,things are really bad and getting worse latley,the thing is Im pregnant and I told him he went nuts,he kickes off at the little things a cupple of weeks ago I left the light on and he really kicked off big time,I rang the police but they let him go the next morning so he took it out on me.

I sometimes feel like most of its my fault and if I could try harder to please him it wouldnt happen,but the more I try the worse he gets

can anyone offer advice on what to do ? x

OP posts:
CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:28

If he is hitting you, raping you or anything like this, please call 999.
This is an offense and you should not be putting up with it. You are wiorth so much more than that!!!

Could you try and get the local number of WA where you are and ring them during the day?
Rape crisis could be another option.

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 25/09/2011 21:29

That's any sexual act, not just penetrative vaginal sex...

babypusher · 25/09/2011 21:38

Its not easy to put it all on here,I just want to go,tommorow Im going to try,its a mess,but talking is making it clearer,thanks

babypusher · 25/09/2011 21:42

I will ring the police if he kicks off x

CactusRash · 25/09/2011 21:43

Good on you!

Please stay strong. You can do it!

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 25/09/2011 21:55

Keep talking. You're among friends.

Make a mental list of all the things you really can't bear to leave behind - photos, jewellery, keepsakes, address book - as well as the essentials like passport, bank details, birth certificate, cash, keys, spare pants.

I would imagine this is the hardest part? Once you're out and have RL support (Police, WA support workers etc) then a large part of the responsibility that's weighing you down will vanish.

You are not responsible for other people's behaviour. The only way to change how someone behaves towards you is to change your reaction to that behaviour - he can't hit you if you're not there allowing yourself to be hit.

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:02

Thankyou, I dont think I would be thinking of doing this without this help,Im so so scared,been sick just thinking about it,I have just moved a few of my things I need, hid them from him, but hes got my passport carnt find it.

I feel bad for leaving him,It is the hardest thing I have ever thought of doing,x

AbbyAbsinthe · 25/09/2011 22:09

Whereabouts are you? Is there a MNer somewhere nearby who could maybe help you? You sound so defeated. Please, please stick to your guns - you sound like you're wavering a bit, and you just can't. Your life can be amazing, OP, please believe it.

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:09

My hearts going so fast ,dont think I will sleep tonight x

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:10

whats mner ?

AbbyAbsinthe · 25/09/2011 22:15

Mumsnetter - someone that posts here & might be able to help you with something? Which region of the UK are you in?

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:16

I dont think Im wavering,I have to go because of last night,I know I do,I feel a mess,tired scared worn out, I wish it was over x

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:18

keep crossing posts, notts

babypusher · 25/09/2011 22:21

I have to go now,will be back on in the morning x

honeyandsalt · 25/09/2011 22:27

baby you're in an abusive relationship. When he is nice to you, it's just as much a part of the abuse as the rape and control, he's pulling you back in for more.

Do you have no friends? Family? Neighbours?

I'm seriously worried for you and your baby, please get out of there. You have a choice - you can stay and be beaten and worse, or you CAN leave (on the quiet, or with someone else there to protect you!!!). You can do it. You have to do it, for your baby, and for you.

HerHissyness · 26/09/2011 00:35

please pop back to us in the morning, let us know you are OK?

we are all very worried for you love.

ShoutyHamster · 26/09/2011 00:38

Thinking of you babypusher - will check back in tomorrow, stay safe x

inatrance · 26/09/2011 01:44

You are doing the right thing Baby, keep posting, you CAN do this. I know how hard it is and how scared you must be but there are people out there (and on here) who will help you to escape. Keep reaching out, you don't have to live like this.

SirSugar · 26/09/2011 09:30

are you alright this morning?

babypusher · 26/09/2011 09:46

Hi Im ok,thanks

Why is this so hard,Im shaking but I am going to try to go,things are getting worse,I didnt think they could,thought that was it. x

Its helping loads talking on here x

CactusRash · 26/09/2011 10:07

What has happened last night baby? Are you OK?

It is very hard to leave like this but it will be best. Nothing will be worse than staying where you are.

Take a few clothes with you, the paperwork yu can find. Don't worry about passport if you can't find it. You will be able to have another one done if you need to. And regsiter that one as 'lost' so he can't use it.

You can do it

babypusher · 26/09/2011 10:16

hi I dont want upset anyone,by posting tmi, Im trying to be carefull how I put things x

Im ok,I have got a few things in a bag,still looking for stuff,I wish I could think straight, im scared to go out the door I know Im stupid,I look a mess,
didnt think it was going to be this hard????

Yes hes got my passport /birth c all that stuff I carnt find it. x

honeyandsalt · 26/09/2011 10:19

Don't worry you can get new issues of your passport and b/c and so on.

The most important thing is you leave without further violence. Don't feel like you need to hold back what you post, if people are upset it's just that they feel bad for you, it's not your fault, and you're not stupid.

purplepidjinawoollytangle · 26/09/2011 10:26

Don't worry about tmi, if you want to tell us then do. I. A care worker and there are posters here who have been in your shoes x

ShoutyHamster · 26/09/2011 10:29

Don't worry at all about your passport and b/c.

Once you're safe, you just inform the passport office that your passport has been stolen, and they'll cancel it. No problem.

BC - just order a new one for a couple of quid.

Essentials: really, it's anything you can't bear to lose. Photos, jewellery, letters?

You CAN do it! You are nearly there. Don't worry a moment about looking a mess. The police and WA will have seen this all before. Easily packable changes of clothes, a big warm jumper/coat, and essential personal items.

Post what you like - you are being VERY brave.

you can do it!