Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had a fling whilst away and feel sick

162 replies

regrettingit · 15/12/2005 22:10

At the time it was amazing, total lust. But now I feel sick, not with guilt as there isn't much passion in my marriage but with the way the fling went on. I should feel guilty and maybe I will but not at the moment.

It lasted 2 nights and he was saying how much he'll miss me etc..and that he loved me I know it's a crock of sh*t but it was really getting to me. I fancied him like mad but this talk was way too much. He even cried ffs??

Has anyone else had this? I used to have the odd fling years ago but don't remember blokes talking this way?

It's hit me how mad it was and I wish I could turn back the clock but I can't, just feel like crap

OP posts:
OnTheFlossDayOfChristmas · 15/12/2005 22:22

He's either a slimey sod or nuts. Sorry, no offence to yourself but thats my summation. I think you need to re evaluate your current relationship too, quite urgently.

hunkermunker · 15/12/2005 22:23

Oh, yuck. To all of it, really.

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 22:27

double yuck to all of it

Original poster
regrettingit · 15/12/2005 22:28

He was amazing looking and foreign. He was such a laugh but looking back must be off his head or like you say slimeball.

Got loads of stress in my marriage but never done anything like this before and won't again. Stress is work related but affects us. No excuse I know.

Just want to hurl but can't.

OP posts:
welshboris · 15/12/2005 22:29

Why tell the world wide web about it?
Dont you feel dirty enough?

fireflyfairy2 · 15/12/2005 22:29

I hope you used protection or you could be hurling for more reasons before long

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 22:30

takes two to tango

OnTheFlossDayOfChristmas · 15/12/2005 22:31

Can't help but feel all Sherlock on this one - anyone else?

Sleighmenere · 15/12/2005 22:32

Look, try to take heart in the fact that he cried and said he loved you. He is obviously a bit unstable and not in anyway suitable for a long term relationship. Put this down to a wake up call and try to sort out your problems with your dh - even if your marraige is passionless you still owe your dh the effort to try and either sort it out or end it honorably - good luck.

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 22:33

deffo

Original poster
regrettingit · 15/12/2005 22:35

No didn't go that far so didn't need protection but far enough. God, there's no way I'd have done that.

I'm a regular poster btw.

My mate who was with me is very sympathetic but I know how wrong I am.

Christmas is already shot because of major stress, bereavment etc.. so I was already going to be putting a mask on for the kids etc..

OP posts:
Original poster
regrettingit · 15/12/2005 22:36

no I swear it's true I hate trolls.

anyway I've got it off my chest now and hope it's a warning to anyone else not to do it no matter how hot he seems. I never will again

OP posts:
gravity · 16/12/2005 00:16

regrettinit - you should to sort your current relationship out before ever proceeding with something like that. if you had stressprior to this, surely there will be more after?? the stress of perhaps dh finding out, the stress of you having to bottle up these new emotions.
being on the receiving end of finding out about infidelity is soul destroying, girl. please dont put dh through that.
how "HOT" a guy may be does not mean it is open season. it definately is not a good enough excuse, (mind you there is no excuse when it comes to this) i am sorry if i offend.
think your relationship through before acting, please. for the sake of you and the sake of dh

Alipiggie · 16/12/2005 01:31

Think I know how your ds would feel if he found out. Just emigrated to US and found out that Dh has been having an affair for about a year with a colleague in his new job. So gutted is an understatement. I could kill him, but I love it her and why should I give up my marvellous dream life and that of my two ds's for his inability of keeping it zipped. I'm a SAHM so not worked for four years and going back to UK would not be an option. Like the others if your current relationship's not good. Leave it. The sad thing is I thought mine was good, just Dh was too busy for me. How wrong was I.

Alipiggie · 16/12/2005 01:32

Meant DH would feel sorry

carla · 16/12/2005 03:53

Message deleted

bigbaubleeyes · 16/12/2005 04:43

I agree use as wake up call - look at yr relationship if you. Feeling this bad is the consequnece f your action and I don't think its fair to off load onto your DH you need to be tuff to get thru this why shud you hurt him?

Evaluate why you did it - then move on -eother work at your relationship or get out either way you don't have to confess to your DH spare him the hurt.

lou33 · 16/12/2005 09:07

This man didnt love you and you dont love him, he was a distraction from your real life. Put it down to a quick fling that made you feel good, and have a think about how you ended up in that situation in the first place. What is missing between you and your h that made this holiday romance seem so easy to have? There would be nothing to gain from telling your h tho, imo .Good luck.

expatinscotland · 16/12/2005 09:19

No, I've never 'had' this. I respect my husband too much. I respect me too much, too, and how far I've come in life. There was a time when I didn't - when I was single and getting over a divorce. But now I really can't imagine risking marriage to such a terrific man, and risking my family's happiness, for some bloke.

Do yourself a favour and get some counselling.

SackAche · 16/12/2005 09:31

Welshboris - The same reason why women seem to want to talk about their vaginal discharge on the world wide web..... disclose personal details about their violent husbands..... FOR ADVICE!!!???

Regrettingit - I'm inclined to say that its not that big a deal! You didn't even have sex with him! Anyway.... its done (not sure exactly what you've done though), you regret it.... your DH doesn't know and I assume will never find out so its damage limitation time!

Its as big a deal as you make of it. In my mind (warped as it maybe) I would say it wasn't really a 'fling'!

gravity · 16/12/2005 09:35

sackache are you saying deceiving a partner is cool?

SackAche · 16/12/2005 09:37

Gravity - Eh?? I can't see in my post where its cool to do it!!

I just don't think in this instance its that massive a deal!
I'm only suggesting she moves on and limits the damage her guilt will cause!

gravity · 16/12/2005 09:44

sorry sackache - sensitive topic for moi!
it may not be a "massive" deal but there is an issue when someone in a relationship does something that she constitutes enough as a fling, unless we are talking about an "open" relationship which I dont think we were.

noddyholder · 16/12/2005 09:47

When your relationship is going a bit pear shaped it is not rocket science that a bit of attention elsewhere will boost your ego.She didn't sleep with him nor does she sound like she is seeking to carry it on Life isn't always black and white

bigbaubleeyes · 16/12/2005 10:08

I don't think this was a huge deal either but i do agree with expats - lesson is don't ever do anything to put marriage at risk - but of course this does come back to... What was your motivation for having this 'liason' in first place why did you potentially risk your marriage?

You don't go into detail about the current state of your relationship (which is fine its your thread!) and a lot of these posts are 'face value' comments and aren't able to take in the whole picture.

I think some of them are quite direct - but least you are getting no nonsense/waffle and honest opinions which you can't always get from people close to you.

I don't envy your situation and hope you can get closure on it - let use know how you are