Had a fling whilst away and feel sick

[regrettingit]

At the time it was amazing, total lust. But now I feel sick, not with guilt as there isn't much passion in my marriage but with the way the fling went on. I should feel guilty and maybe I will but not at the moment.

It lasted 2 nights and he was saying how much he'll miss me etc..and that he loved me I know it's a crock of sh*t but it was really getting to me. I fancied him like mad but this talk was way too much. He even cried ffs??

Has anyone else had this? I used to have the odd fling years ago but don't remember blokes talking this way?

It's hit me how mad it was and I wish I could turn back the clock but I can't, just feel like crap

It doesn't necessarily make her a dreadful person but that doesn't mean I have to think it's right. If it were my Other Half who was confessing to a fling, I would be devastated.

It's not "right" but it is human and doesnt deserve condemnation. I, too would be devestated if it happened to me.

She wasn't asking for our advice about whether she should have done it or not - or whether we think it is a fling or a crush.
She was asking whether the man she did whatever she did with was in his right mind or not - or something along those sort of lines.
She even says this is a warning to others not to do it - no matter how hot the guy seems.
Why is it necessary to judge her?????????

OF course anyone coming here should never expect to be judged!!

What would you all be saying if a woman posted that her DH had had a fling then? "Don't condemn him dear, he's only human"?

lol! A regular would certainly expect to be judged by the Court of Mumsnet if they'd read enough threads

It isn't necessary to judge her at all, but that's mostly what mn seems to do nowadays from what i can see.

Shame really, virtual stoning is v offputting

But she feels bad enough already. Why try to make her feel worse. I see no benefit in further condemning someone who already feels crap- male or female.

Well, I'm a regular mumsnetter, have been for years and I don't expect to be judged and I hope I try not to judge others.
Life is tough enough, without a whole load of 'holier than thoughs' making it worse.

wow
some sensible, nice people posting at long last.

all those who are being judgemental it would be more beneficial to regrettingit if you just didn't post at all.

go find someone else to hound

i guess some people would find this subject hard to understnd especially if been on the receiving end (like me)

BUT she does "sound" regretful and I guess thats something

my advice to you is try to understand how you felt while with this other person and try to work out how you can be her in your own marriage...if that makes sense

p.s
I have 2 brillioant books on surviving an affair which sadly I dont need anymore
will be trying to flog them at a car boot sale in jan

Chocolatemummy - no i don't think that makes you a slut and the difference here is yes you ackowledge its wrong but you are also able to understand why you did what you did and are aware of your relationship issues.

Sarah - agree - no one should be judged but unfortunately it is human nature which is why....

I am sure we have all done something 'wrong' morally speaking whether infidelitiy or not - she who cast the first stone and all.

But I think you have to accept if you start a thread on such an emotive topic you will expect to get a whole range of views - is that not the point of mumsnet - this was always going to be a tuff one - like many recent posts have said she knows she's done wrong she feels ill because of it - lets all help to move this person forward and limit the hurt to all involved.

Regret if you have been lurking hope you ok.

slut?weak?vulnerable? Are you 'avin a larf?

OK OK look I was the first person to use the slut word but it has been taken totally out of context (its like dealing with red top newspapers on here sometimes). The reason I said someone would become a slut in my eyes is if they cheated several times on there partner, in my original post I said that the person in question should get oever what has happened because it is done now and you can't change that and try and sort her marriage out instead of letting this happen again which would then IMO make her a slut.

She posted and she knew what answers she would get, surely?
Um if a husband had done the same then oh my gawd get rid of him, he's a decietful two timer etc etc.....

But oh no it's alright for women of course, silly me.

In that respect men and women can both be as bad as one another.
Both need a kick up the arse and why the hell they need to make it a triangle in the first place is beyond me.
If you aint happy then tell your spouse and leave - then feel free to fling! No one can get on their high horses and less people get hurt in the process.
It's downright selfisness TBH.

Lou, I have the boulder marks to prove it.

Totally agree with you Mary.

Sorry, but I hate that word "slut", no matter where it is used. We are talking about human beings after all.

Why assume that a man posting the same would get condemned? I wouldnt if it was the same post.

It is okay not to jump in and judge people you know.

i dont doubt you at all bauble

It is very rare that I jump in and judge anyone, and I have not judged the person who started this thread. I also think there are much worse words in the world than slut that I could have used, and I think that the majority of posters on MN would instantly condemn any cheating male (regardless of how far the cheating went) and they would generally refer to chopping off part of his lower anatomy. You must be in the minority where that is concerned.

It's not about male or female. I hate seeing threads slagging off men and judging them all the same. Lots of people accept bad behaviour from some men because they are men.
I think that's awful too.

Someone did something they know is wrong. Billions of people have committed far worse crimes. They feel dreadful too. What's it matter whether they are male or female.

Exactly, both as bad as one another in affair situations.

When a woman comes on here and says that her dh has done this or that, most people immediately say "Leave him" etc etc. She doesn't feel guilty about what she did and to be honest I think when she says she is feeling sick it is lovesick. I can't believe some people can accept this kind of behaviour. If a friend of mine told me that she had done this I would have exactly the same reaction. It is not acceptable. If you cannot resist the temptation which everybody has in their lives everyday then that person is not a very strong person.

Cant believe how judgemental this thread is. Must be some perfect people out there.

If your idea of perfect is someone that has cheated on their DH, then yes I am perfect.