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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had a fling whilst away and feel sick

162 replies

regrettingit · 15/12/2005 22:10

At the time it was amazing, total lust. But now I feel sick, not with guilt as there isn't much passion in my marriage but with the way the fling went on. I should feel guilty and maybe I will but not at the moment.

It lasted 2 nights and he was saying how much he'll miss me etc..and that he loved me I know it's a crock of sh*t but it was really getting to me. I fancied him like mad but this talk was way too much. He even cried ffs??

Has anyone else had this? I used to have the odd fling years ago but don't remember blokes talking this way?

It's hit me how mad it was and I wish I could turn back the clock but I can't, just feel like crap

OP posts:
bsg · 16/12/2005 21:32

ooops hasn't cheated on dh.

hercules · 16/12/2005 21:33

err no, my idea of perfect is someone who has never done anything wrong.

notasheep · 16/12/2005 21:37

Arent we human?,cant we be attracted to other men? I have just watched a gardening programme on TV and fancied the presenter Diarmuid-and i told my dp too which he took as a compliment as i said they were alike.Wouldnt shag anyone else though

bsg · 16/12/2005 21:37

There are probably plenty of people that have done something wrong but it may not necessarily have affected another person. Her dh doesn't know yet, but how will he feel when he does. If he was to then come on here and post, what would you say to him."She made a mistake, get over it" I don't think so!!!!

hercules · 16/12/2005 21:38

No I wouldnt. Please dont assume you know what I would say to people!

bsg · 16/12/2005 21:48

For all we know the person that initially wrote this post could have changed back to their original name and then gone on to defend themselves.I have nothing more to add.

hercules · 16/12/2005 21:49

eh? DO you think it's me?

Must the only reason anyone not like stones to be thrown because they are the original poster?

bsg · 16/12/2005 21:52

No I don't think it is you but she disappeared quite quickly and hasn't been back to defend herself.(under her changed name).

hercules · 16/12/2005 21:52

maybe she's gone out.

bsg · 16/12/2005 21:55

We could always change the subject and discuss something else!! not much else going on tonight.

hercules · 16/12/2005 21:55

True.

bigbaubleeyes · 17/12/2005 00:17

Flutter - dear me people just havn't read your posts latr where you clarified your use of the word slut - nevermind

Hercules - yeah must be very perfect people on this thread.

bigbaubleeyes · 17/12/2005 13:25

BUMP - well after all the advice, support and encouragement people have bothered to give......

monkeytrousers · 17/12/2005 14:33

4

Original poster
regrettingit · 17/12/2005 18:03

hi, just popping in to say thanks for the messages.

I've never spoke about my marital problems on here before as far as I can recall? and to be honest it's only dh's very low libido that's the problem. We get on very well but more as brother and sister.

Coddy doesn't know me as I don't get into dialogue with her as a rule. As for the word hurl I've never used it on here (AFAIK?)

I know I was very selfish and don't think for one minute that this guy is in love with me. He'd been in a long relationship and I think he's a bit f-ed up now that I've had time to think.

I'll live and learn though. Have been with dh for over 13 years and never even fancied anyone in that time so it did come as a shock to be so overwhelmed with it.

anyway thanks again and please don't argue about the word slut or anything as everyone is entitled to their opinion IMO.

I know how I'd feel if it was a RL mate of mine but then again I'd probably know her situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
regrettingit · 17/12/2005 18:03

meant spoken

OP posts:
hercules · 17/12/2005 18:04

A nice post

SackAche · 17/12/2005 21:37

HAHAHAAAAAA fraudian slip BSG????

There a few MN'ers on here that I'm so glad I don't know in real life! I'd probably have skelped you one across the face!!

I have 'strayed'..... wasn't proud of it, but don't particularly regret it. My marriage was shit. My DH (DP at the time) was being a total shit. It made me feel alive again.... and I was given a choice: Carry on and leave DP or end it and try to make it work with DP. I chose to end the 'fling'. DP found out anyway and we both decided that the problems in our relationship that resulted in me straying were both our faults.

Thats was 3 years ago. Now I think my DH would disagree with the 'black and white' throw away, niave and arrogant comments like "anyone who even thinks about sleeping with someone else should leave their partners"!!!! EH?? Most times DH and I have sex I'm thinking of Brad Pitt!

For better or for worse.... isn't that how it goes? Many people drift apart from their partners...... perhaps 50% will carry on drifting..... but then 50% will work hard to get things back on track and get over whatever has happened in that bad period. Isn't that worth something???

MY GOD there would be waaayyyyy more divorces out there if people split up coz one had lewd thoughts about someone else!

SackAche · 17/12/2005 21:39

...oops.... should have said my relationship was shit. We weren't married at the time.

flutterbeedreaminofawhitexmas · 17/12/2005 22:16

OMG I had no idea that this thread had now slipped into the "just thinking about other people means the end of a relationship" That is totally ridiculous. I still stand by everything I have said previously on this thread but for the record I am happily married but still fancy the pants off an X of mine and several strangers a day.

SackAche · 17/12/2005 22:24

Flutterbee - Can't believe you would class me as a slut. Perhaps I am! Thats what I was when DH met me.

BTW do you realise Regrettingit didn't sleep with anyone else?

flutterbeedreaminofawhitexmas · 17/12/2005 22:30

OMG OMG OMG I am going outside to shoot myself (only outside so that I don't mess up the carpets ) I never ever ever called her or you a slut (deep breath emoticon) I said that if she continued to have flings with other people (whether she had sex or not) then in my eyes she would be a slut, however she knows she has made a mistake and needs to sort it out and not go down the route of cheating anymore. AND FOR THE RECORD, my Mum cheated on my Dad whilst they where married and then left my Dad and re-married the man she had had the affair with and they are still married now 20 years later, this does not make her a slut however if she had continued the have flings with the same man or other men then even though she is my Mum I think she would have come under the slut catergory.
Does that make it any clear

flutterbeedreaminofawhitexmas · 17/12/2005 22:31

Anyway maybe you are a slut and that's the way DH likes you I know mine does

flutterbeedreaminofawhitexmas · 17/12/2005 22:32

***My DH doesn't like you because you a slut he likes me because ... oh god I'm rambling now.

Shutting up and walking away

SackAche · 17/12/2005 22:33

I was only kidding Flutterbee!

But in my thinking a slut is someone that sleeps around.... with anything really.... knickers fall down just with the whiff of a nice aftershave? We obviously have different standards! Someone that enjoys the attention of other men...but doesn't actually shag them I would think was more of an attention seeker.... or 'cock-tease' not a slut/slag/tart etc.

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