Does the violence ever stop?

[ash6605]

I find it hard to put this into words, things aren't good right now. I had my dh arrested last night, he punched me with full force in the head. I did slap him first so totally deserve it and don't know why I rang the police, I feel bad I did now, he spent the night it the cells and is out on bail now. The violence isn't a new thing it's happened before, usually me first and then he takes it too far and hits me harder. It's wrong of both of us I know that. But I love him dearly and don't want things to be this way.
Does anyone have any experience of this and did it stop, can it be overcome?

Also, I just wanted to add that in this country it is legal to slap your children, but not in the face. It is only illegal if the slap leaves a mark after 3 minutes apparently. Maybe someone legal knows exactly where the law stands on this. I am not saying I agree with this, by the way. I am simply stating it as a fact and to illustrate that, in the eyes of the law, a slap is considered acceptable when it comes to reprimanding children. Therefore, the law recognises that a slap is not as bad as being punched/hit in the face, presumably because a slap would not, in general, cause serious bodily harm.

I would never slap a child, by the way, I abhor any kind of physical or verbal abuse and violence. I mention this purely to emphasise that there ARE distinctions between types of physical attack.

Exactly tadpoles.
Ash finally slapped her H after what I imagne was a sustained verbally abusve assault.

He punched her full force in the head, after a fairly long pause (i.e he had time to think and it wasn't a knee jerk reaction). There is no comparison.

She sadly thinks she deserved it and is very sorry. He isn't remotely sorry and is minimizing it.

Sorry but I think its pretty clear who is being abused here.

beachcomber -

Confidence if you are wondering who reported your posts on this thread - it was me, although I suspect I was not the only one. Bit late for sorry really isn't it?

Shame you felt it so necessary to have a last little dig, when I'd already apologised to the OP for how the thread had gone and bowed out. I wasn't even aware that my posts had even been reported - presumably MN only feel it necessary to contact people when the reports made about their posts are valid criticisms. And presumably making the outlandish claim that domestic violence against men is just as inexcusable in all circumstances as that against women, doesn't count.

On an objective level, I stand by every single word I've typed in this thread, and would be intrigued if MNHQ were able to find anything remotely offensive or contrary to the rules amongst what I've written. At the same time, I understand there's a time and place for things, and the objective debate about DV in general took over unfortunately from the OP's desire for a support thread. I never intended that to happen any more than anyone else - but there you go.

So for the second time I'll leave it at that. Of course I can't answer for what happens if you insist on continuing to see the thread as a points scoring exercise. So I suggest you save your sanctimony for someone who gives a toss.

Confidence nobody on MN gets told when their posts are deleted - neither do they get an explanation. MNHQ just delete and let the person who reported the post know that they have done so.

If they don't think the post necessitates deletion (according to their guidelines) they do not delete and send an email to the person who reported the post saying that the post does not deserve to be deleted.

They only delete posts which break the guidelines or which they consider to be offensive.

This is depressing. The OP is by her own admission both a victim and perpetrator and there is probably more to the story from both sides.
OP, if you haven't given up in despair, you and your OH need time apart while you get anger management lessons. You could both see your GP's and ask for a referral for CBT.
The posts on this thread trying to apportion the greater part of the blame on one party are a disgrace and, as for reporting posts, some of you need to grow up.