Restaurant Manager Flirting with my partner - Am i over reacting?

[JennaP]

On Saturday 17th September, my partner and I went to eat at a restaurant in Chiswick, we have been there before and have usually enjoyed the food and good service. He arranged to go in advance and booked us a table for 8.30pm. We stood at the door and were greeted by the Manager/Maitre De.

We had to wait a few minutes for our table which she mumbled to me and then said to my boyfriend whilst placing her hand on his arm. She eventually sat us at out table and then proceeded to read the specials/ menu to my partner whilst completely ignoring me. I mentioned it to my partner and we tried to make a joke of it but he also noticed it when she came back later.

During the evening, she kept on coming back to clear his beer bottles and then when we ordered the bill from another waitress, she noticed that he had taken out his credit card and so came to collect the money, in doing so, she bent down far enough for me to be able to see down her dress and so I don?t doubt that my boyfriend could also see too. She also came back to bring our after dinner liquors. In fact, she spent more time at out table than the waitress did.

Given that it was a Saturday night and the restaurant was full, I think it?s interesting the disproportionate amount of time the manager gave to him. I would like to say the time she gave to serve us, but other than saying hello and goodbye she pretty much ignored me the whole time as she proceeded to be over friendly with him. As we left the restaurant, she said goodnight to me and said ?goodnight, it was nice to meet you? to my partner.

I was furious all weekend mostly because i did not say anything at the time! He's a typical bloke, he was so flattered by the attention that it didn't actually occur to him that she was being rude to me. I'm trying to workout if i am justified in my reaction or if my hormones have driven me crazy!!

Anyway, i was still made this morning and so I wrote a letter of complaint! Did i over react? Is this normal behaviour in London?

LeBOF - that BunnyBioler clip was fantastic and just about summed up my experience! Thanks

I don't understand why you would not even walk down that road again, as you said in one of your replies? What did the road do? Are you writing a letter to the council?

Haha no, i guess I feel a little embarrassed about writing the letter!

Nah, i'm brown and he's white! He looks pretty awesome for his age and when I say he's older - 11years.

Hello OP

I work as a waitress (as well as bartending) and I would be pretty horrified if I thought any of my customers felt like you! Whether or not she was flirting with your DP, you still felt ignored. The obvious thing to do would be to not eat there again and forget about it. If she is so bad you felt the need to write a letter of complaint, I am sure other people will have already, or will in the future, complain about her.

JennaP I take your word for it and think you did the right thing. You sound very reasonable and balanced to me and if that is the way the woman was behaving, it was unprofessional and she should be pulled up on it.

I wouldn't worry about others on here mocking your reaction to the situation - I think some people tend to default to an "oppositional" stance on here, instead of a supportive one. If you'd come on here presenting the perspective of the manager, saying how hurt you are that this woman complained about you flirting with her partner, you'd likely get slated on here as well! Your real-life friend is probably the best person to get perspective/ advice from.

SFTK - thanks, I will be avoiding the restaurant. I felt the need to write the letter because it's the only time ever that I have encountered this sort of service flirting/rudeness in a restaurant and she was so smug. I actually rang the head office first and it was someone there who suggested putting it in writing! At the end of the day, I can only manage my own integrity - i don't flirt with other people's partners but can't expect all other women to live in the same way.

"Nah, i'm brown and he's white!"

Ooh... do you suppose the woman had that horrible "you'd be better off with a nice English girl" shit going on? It has been my misfortune to meet the kind of person (my dad was one!) who thought nothing of commenting on a relationship that they thought was A Bad Thing because the partners were differently coloured. Thus she was ignoring the customer because being, "you know, one of them", she wasn't really a customer but an accessory.

I hope I'm wrong. Mind you it's not a lot better than thinking the man is the real customer on account of his superior maleness, like SCOTT said.

I hate to say this, but it did cross my mind and I actually mentioned it to my partner in the restaurant. At one point I was the only ethnic minority in there - this is London 2011! I did wonder if she thought that he deserved to be with someone like her rather than me - she wasn't English.

I think you are a nutter.

If you find other women flirting with your partner "hysterically funny" and feel the need to "take the piss for ages" when it happens, you are not doing a very good impression of a confident woman who is unthreatened by these approaches.

Feeling affronted at someone being rude to you (and blanking someone is rude) is just as chilled out a response as hysterical girliness and making a big point of how "cool" you are with the whole thing.

haha well you are entitled to your opinion!

that last message was for nickshick. I'm not nutter - i just don't like people being rude to me and was trying to work out why as it's never happened to me before.

.

Dear Restaurant Chain,

On Saturday, my partner and I came to your establishment for dinner and I was disgusted when the manager SERVED my partner. No apology was forthcoming even when I frowned at her.

At the end of the meal this woman came to our table so my partner could PAY for the meal!

I was disgusted.

Throughout the experence she was friendly.

I want this service looking at asap. It is not good enough!

Yours

Miss Crackers

Nutsville

hahaha actually throughout the experience she was very friendly to my partner but she chose to completely ignore me - brilliant service! I'll be coming back for more!

Why didn't you say something then? I would have. I would have coughed and said "I'm here! Over here! You can talk to me too!"

I would have you know...there's no point in putting up with things and then moaning later

i know this sounds pathetic but I was so surprised by it that I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to over react but at the same time I didn't understand why she was being this way with me and then being overly friendly with him. But it really bugged me all weekend and ended with this silly letter which probably does make me look foolish and probably doesn't do justice to what I was really pissed about.

Nobody has ever been rude to you before ?

Have you lived a very sheltered precious life ?

I was ok until she mentioned ''Nah, i'm brown and he's white!''......as if.

You sound bonkers and conkers (in a fairly nice way)

I mean, what's more likely - that a restaurant manager who probably serves seventy-eight hot men a week couldn't keep her tongue from swiping the table at the breathtaking sight of your partner ... or that you're just a teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeensy bit insecure and possessive?

Of course people have been rude to me. But i've never been to a restaurant and have someone flirt with my boyfriend and completely blank me. I don't think that professional or sisterly!

bonkers AS conkers