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Original poster

Restaurant Manager Flirting with my partner - Am i over reacting?

183 replies

JennaP · 19/09/2011 19:52

On Saturday 17th September, my partner and I went to eat at a restaurant in Chiswick, we have been there before and have usually enjoyed the food and good service. He arranged to go in advance and booked us a table for 8.30pm. We stood at the door and were greeted by the Manager/Maitre De.

We had to wait a few minutes for our table which she mumbled to me and then said to my boyfriend whilst placing her hand on his arm. She eventually sat us at out table and then proceeded to read the specials/ menu to my partner whilst completely ignoring me. I mentioned it to my partner and we tried to make a joke of it but he also noticed it when she came back later.

During the evening, she kept on coming back to clear his beer bottles and then when we ordered the bill from another waitress, she noticed that he had taken out his credit card and so came to collect the money, in doing so, she bent down far enough for me to be able to see down her dress and so I don?t doubt that my boyfriend could also see too. She also came back to bring our after dinner liquors. In fact, she spent more time at out table than the waitress did.

Given that it was a Saturday night and the restaurant was full, I think it?s interesting the disproportionate amount of time the manager gave to him. I would like to say the time she gave to serve us, but other than saying hello and goodbye she pretty much ignored me the whole time as she proceeded to be over friendly with him. As we left the restaurant, she said goodnight to me and said ?goodnight, it was nice to meet you? to my partner.

I was furious all weekend mostly because i did not say anything at the time! He's a typical bloke, he was so flattered by the attention that it didn't actually occur to him that she was being rude to me. I'm trying to workout if i am justified in my reaction or if my hormones have driven me crazy!!

Anyway, i was still made this morning and so I wrote a letter of complaint! Did i over react? Is this normal behaviour in London?

OP posts:
SheCutOffTheirTails · 19/09/2011 21:55

I love it.

Woman treated rudely by restaurant staff BECAUSE OF HER GENDER, complains, gets accused of being a "bunny boiler" (one of the most sexist insults about) by a load of women.

Flirting with a man and ignoring his partner is obnoxious. It's an outrageous thing to do when your job is to make both of them feel comfortable and have a good time in a restaurant.

If I were the owner of an establishment like that, I'd want to know if someone who was responsible for hospitality was behaving in such a crass and unprofessional way.

And I would fire them, if anyone took the time to bring it to my attention.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:55

"sad women" dolly ?

pot, kettle comes to mind Hmm

some people just don't play games in their relationships...don't apply your TOWIE principles to the rest of us

bubblegumpop · 19/09/2011 21:58

What kind of man enjoys his partner getting "well jel". Anyone who uses language or watches that drivel, lacks any standard of maturity, I can's stand it.

Eugh.

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 21:58

Haha! I love that you 'get' the Towie terminology but not the irony Confused

I'm not going to argue with you, can't be arsed.

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 21:59

Play games?! What part of that is playing games? Oh dear. I think you sou d far more bonkers than the OP whoops I said I wasn't going to argue but it was too tempting

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 22:00

then don't < shrug >

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 22:00

oh, you did

Laquitar · 19/09/2011 22:03

'walk a mile in her shoes...'
Are you saying that AF has ugly man? Grin

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 22:04
Biscuit

Of course not, was merely trying to stick up for the OP, didn't expect a bun fight.

Laquitar · 19/09/2011 22:05

I was joking.

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 22:07

I realise that. As was I with my Biscuit

Then worried AF wouldn't get the joke so clarified!!

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 22:15

Dolly, did you imagine no woman has ever thrown herself at my husband ?

Why would you think that ?

I might have walked a marathon in the OP's shoes, for all you know Smile

dreamingbohemian · 19/09/2011 22:26

I've worked in restaurants for years. OP I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your letter is not going to be taken at all seriously, and your friend was way out of line to encourage you send it.

On a busy Saturday night, managers will pitch in to help serve tables, and it would not be at all unusual to be taken care of by a manager instead of a waitress. So you are already off base in assuming the manager was taking care of you for nefarious purposes.

It also sounds like you were not happy with her from the beginning, and I wonder how obvious you may have been about it. If I were serving a couple, and I was getting the stink-eye from the woman, I may have avoided her gaze in order not to antagonise her, and just focus on the customer who seemed to be okay with interacting.

I could be wrong, but in almost ten years of restaurant work, I've never seen someone openly flirt with a man in front of his partner. I have, however, seen a number of insecure women think that normal friendly server interaction was ill-intentioned.

Original poster
JennaP · 19/09/2011 23:04

SCOTT - thanks! I have eaten with my partner in many restaurants and have been served by many attractive women without being treated the way I was treated on Saturday. I'm not threatened by attractive women and generally go out of my way to make conversation with whomever i'm being served by.
Just for the record, i'm not that unattractive myself and my partner is actually a lot older than me. In 20 years of eating out in London and in restaurants around the world, i've never experienced someone behave like this woman did. She ignored me from the get go and instead of talking to both of us, just chose to talk to him. If she had flirted with him but also spoken to me i wouldn't have been that bothered but she completely blanked me.

Whatever her employers choose to do with my letter is their problem, I just wasn't prepared to let it go - she was unprofessional.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaP · 19/09/2011 23:15

It's boring and irritating having your partner get hit on in front of you by girl who thinks she would do a better job of being his girlfriend. I don't entertain attached men flirting with me out of respect for other women, i don't see why I should have to suck it up when someone openly flirts with my partner in front of me. I'm not a bunny boiler and i'm not possessive; I work hard during the week and don't think it's too much to ask to have the specials menu read out to me and have eye contact with whoever is serving me rather than having them only talk to my man.

OP posts:
ChuffMuffin · 19/09/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

looner · 20/09/2011 00:35

OP, I don't think you were being unreasonable. I watched exactly this happen to a couple at a nearby table just a few weeks ago when we were out for dinner (not in Chiswick :) ) - female maitre d - spent a lot of time flirting with the man, ignored the lady (who looked more and more uncomfortable as the evening progressed). I thought it was extremely unprofessional and a very insensitive thing to do to a couple who were obviously out for a romantic dinner for two.

LeBOF · 20/09/2011 00:45

Did she look like that woman off Balls Of Steel?

LeBOF · 20/09/2011 00:53
looner · 20/09/2011 01:03

LOL - I would so dump that guy :)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 20/09/2011 03:38

we will never be eating their again sic

You may not but will your dp?

Morloth · 20/09/2011 04:38

JennaP "It's boring and irritating having your partner get hit on in front of you by girl who thinks she would do a better job of being his girlfriend."

Is it?

DH is a pretty good looking guy, tall, very muscular and well built, looks a little like David Boreanaz. He gets flirted with all the time.

I find it hysterically funny and take the piss for ages.

In your situation, I would have had him ordering for me and really playing up the situation for maximum effect.

I hope you didn't leave a tip.

aurynne · 20/09/2011 05:23

Well, if as you said the woman was the restaurant manager, your letter will arrive directly to... her. Who will probably laugh her head off, feel smug because she has provoked exactly the kind of reaction she was looking for, and finally stick your letter on the restaurant staff board for every waiter, barman, chef and sous-chef to read and laugh at you. If you pass by the restaurant ever again, she will probably point at you in order for everyone else to put a face to the silly girl who had a tantrum after she perceived her boyfriend was been flirted at. Congratulations, you've made an ass of yourself.

Her behaviour may have been inappropriate, but writing a letter of complaint was downright childish.

BranchingOut · 20/09/2011 06:33

I think that the OP was there, so we have to take her word for it when she says there was flirting and she was being ignored.

I think that when it is happening you just know, even if the evidence looks pretty slim when it is written down.

Pretty foolish behaviour on the part of a restuarant maitre d', as part of the whole idea of a restuarant is to make guests feel comfortable and to facilitate 'romance' between couples having dinner. Why else the candles, nice music and attractive decor?

I am not sure that writing the letter was the best move, but for what it is worth I did complain when someone showing me round an indpendent school virtually ignored me and chatted nineteen-to-the-dozen to the only other parent on the tour. It was that awful feeling of being a gooseberry in a party for two.

Original poster
JennaP · 20/09/2011 06:41

I send the email to her boss who may well laugh but if he has commercial sense and wants repeat business would be concerned about the impact of her behaviour. I go to a restaurant to eat good food, enjoy good service and ambiance and to have a relaxed evening. If the food was bad, i have a right to complain, likewise if I think the service was bad, which for me it was, i have the right to complain. To be honest, she may laugh at my mail which to be fair was a bit of a rant and maybe perceived to be childish but she was out of order. I wasn't just pissed that she flirted with my boyfriend, I was pissed that she provided me with a bad service by ignoring me the whole evening.

OP posts: