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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Restaurant Manager Flirting with my partner - Am i over reacting?

183 replies

JennaP · 19/09/2011 19:52

On Saturday 17th September, my partner and I went to eat at a restaurant in Chiswick, we have been there before and have usually enjoyed the food and good service. He arranged to go in advance and booked us a table for 8.30pm. We stood at the door and were greeted by the Manager/Maitre De.

We had to wait a few minutes for our table which she mumbled to me and then said to my boyfriend whilst placing her hand on his arm. She eventually sat us at out table and then proceeded to read the specials/ menu to my partner whilst completely ignoring me. I mentioned it to my partner and we tried to make a joke of it but he also noticed it when she came back later.

During the evening, she kept on coming back to clear his beer bottles and then when we ordered the bill from another waitress, she noticed that he had taken out his credit card and so came to collect the money, in doing so, she bent down far enough for me to be able to see down her dress and so I don?t doubt that my boyfriend could also see too. She also came back to bring our after dinner liquors. In fact, she spent more time at out table than the waitress did.

Given that it was a Saturday night and the restaurant was full, I think it?s interesting the disproportionate amount of time the manager gave to him. I would like to say the time she gave to serve us, but other than saying hello and goodbye she pretty much ignored me the whole time as she proceeded to be over friendly with him. As we left the restaurant, she said goodnight to me and said ?goodnight, it was nice to meet you? to my partner.

I was furious all weekend mostly because i did not say anything at the time! He's a typical bloke, he was so flattered by the attention that it didn't actually occur to him that she was being rude to me. I'm trying to workout if i am justified in my reaction or if my hormones have driven me crazy!!

Anyway, i was still made this morning and so I wrote a letter of complaint! Did i over react? Is this normal behaviour in London?

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 19/09/2011 20:35

You sound slightly batty, sorry hormonal. I love that you tell us you were in Chiswick!!

JennaP · 19/09/2011 20:35

To be honest, he also noticed that she was ignoring me but he doesn't know about the letter or that we will never be eating their again or even walking along that road! At the end of the day I think her behaviour was inappropriate, but i have somehow come off looking bad!

OP posts:
JennaP · 19/09/2011 20:43

DayDreamDolly - you are spot on, thank you. I don't mind him getting checked out at a party or walking down the street but we were having a dinner for two!

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/09/2011 20:43

Have you actually sent the letter? Shock

I think you have massively overeacted, especially as he thought it was a huge joke. Some women and men flirt - as long as your partner remains oblivious, or doesn't act on it, or laughs it off then you have nothing to worry about.

Without sounding too harsh I really, really think you need to relax, and be slightly less possessive of 'your man'

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 20:48

Gosh, you sound like a right Bunny Boiler

I bet that restaurant start locking up their pots and pans if you send that letter

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 20:48

Yeah it's rude. I hate women like this. People may think you were imagining it but you don't expect that sort of behaviour when you go to a restaurant!
We had a sticky moment on holiday when DH ordered me a Sex on the beach. Bar maid didn't see me as I was crouched down with 2 yr old DD and she said to DH, I finish in an hour meet you there Wink I was mortified. I stood up, and at least she had the decency to blush. And she knew he was with me and DD as had served us earlier in the evening. Angry
I know she probably wasn't serious but I felt so disrespected in that moment.

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 20:48

You lot give her a break!

bubblegumpop · 19/09/2011 20:49

I think you have come off slightly immature, and possessive yes. People do find other people attractive. You know, you can't control others.

It may piss you off, but the rest of your lives, you really think you may never see another woman "fancy your man".

As long as he is respectful, without being rude back and respects you, then move on he is with you. You'll face bigger issues in life than this.

It really has made you seem a bit nutty writing a letter because you felt someone flirted with "your man".

RedBlanket · 19/09/2011 20:49

You have massively over reacted. I would think it was a hoot!

buzzskillington · 19/09/2011 20:51

Was it for that programme where the woman presenter flirts like mad with some guy in front of his girlfriend?

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 19/09/2011 20:52

I think the point is about lack of professionalism. In a nice restaurant (this isn't a pub we're talking about) the maitre d's job is to be welcoming to everyone.

JennaP · 19/09/2011 20:53

well i have to take responsibility for writing it but i must admit i got some encouragement from a friend who has been a manager in a restaurant and said it was totally inappropriate!! whoops! But thought it was un sisterly and don't mind people flirtng with him in a social setting but not when we are out having dinner!

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/09/2011 20:53

Yes, agree re lack of professionalism - but the OP didn't come on here complaining about that, did she?!

bubblegumpop · 19/09/2011 20:56

I agree, but the letter should have been about professionalism, rudeness and the unwelcoming attitude. Like I said.

By making it about flirting only, op has just made herself look like a 12 year old, or bunny boiler.

The letter will be laughed out of the restaurant, I gte it.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:04

You have had your hat nailed on by this "friend" Grin

mercibucket · 19/09/2011 21:09

sure your friend's not after your dh? first step - make the partner out to be -mad- hormonal?

JennaP · 19/09/2011 21:12

The letter was about her flirting with him and about her acting like I was invisible when there were clearly two of us having dinner. It is unprofessional and it's not very respectful. Anyway, I feel pretty foolish now and yes, the email has gone!!

OP posts:
DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 21:13

Don't feel foolish, chalk it up to experience and forget it.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 19/09/2011 21:18

It's not that foolish. I've come round to your POV

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 19/09/2011 21:22

Oh no - you've sent the email! Just pray to goodness you don't ever meet her again - you know, at a party, when your friend introduces the 2 of you to her cousin, that sort of thing.... Wink

localcrackpot · 19/09/2011 21:28

I'm totally with you, OP. She behaved really unprofessionally. Perhaps she just gets a kick out of making less committed men spoil their dinners for two by staring down her top? I think you were right to complain. It's inappropriate and odd. She was out of line, I doubt her employers would expect to have 50% of their customers really pissed off and unlikely to return. In the words of some ancient Cuban poster "it is incompatible with being a good communist to see a problem and fail to report it".

Yes, you might sound a little paranoid, but equally they might want to know why dinners for two are down so much on previous months! Don't beat yourself up, she was in the wrong.

Laquitar · 19/09/2011 21:32

What do you want to happen anyway? Confused

In the best case they will offer you a free meal or wine, would you like to go back Wink

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:42

Perhaps OP wants this woman to get the sack for daring to flirt with her maaaan

Anyway, love, it's done now

But you might want to have a think about how unattractive possessiveness can be. Except to a certain kind of man, of course, who might get a kick out of a catfight between 2 women over him

But you're not with a man like that, are you ?

DaydreamDolly · 19/09/2011 21:51

AF that's really cutting and I dont think the OP deserved that.
To be honest my DH has, in the past, found it flattering when I've been pissed off at sad women making eyes at him. Not because he wants a 'cat fight' (please!) but because he says it's 'cute' when I get 'well jel' Grin
Walk a mile in her shoes before you judge too harshly.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:53

Not cutting at all, dolly

unless you are a very delicate flower, of course

and OP doesn't sound like she is that to me