Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 4

[MadameOvary]

Hello everyone - end of last thread kind of took us by surprise!
Will copy in links etc

Mouse, everyone should read Lundy, even if they aren't or never have been in an abusive relationship, just so they know how to help someone who gets into one. And how to stay out of one forever.

Mouse, I would have nightmares about my abuser (same recurring dream) while I was still afraid of him. I'm not anymore, and no longer having those dreams.

I'm no expert, by far, but to me the dreams sound like you still believe he has the power to hurt you. But he can't, because he's not important to your life anymore: you have love, you have Nemo and DH and many good and honest friends. They count in your life. Your ex does not. You need not care about him in any way.

Sorry Mouse, re Lundy, - definitely! Yes yes yes! x

EVERY woman should re lundy, every single one. I shall be passing mine to my daughters when they are older, simply so they know what to look out for.

and 'sorry' to everyone here. I know I've posted asking for help and I've got such brilliant support. But atm I am finding it very hard to join in here. I lurk, but posting anything is painful. It seems to yank all my gaping wounds even further open than they are already.
My youngest starts school tomorrow and I hope I will be able to get some sleep during the day and find more space to post on here and actually give back rather than take.
xxxx

I had recurring nightmares about the green witch "mother". Two sessions of CBT did the trick. EMDR can help with PTSD, which is probably what it is Mouse.

Everything happens at the right pace for you Buttons.

Bibi...thank you. Humbled, really.

buttons - sometimes that's just the way it is. No apologies necessary.

bigbuttons I am also lurking, feeling horrible, and generally cowardly. Had a lightbulb moment 10 days ago when I finally realised what is going on in this relationship but now am being completely cowardly. he has come back from his trip abroad and i am back to my old amenable powerless self!!! Have even cancelled an appointment with marriage councellor 'cos i just can't cope with the energy needed to anticipate a change or even a decision. Like you my youngest ( of 4) is starting school but I'm not sure this will give me extra thinking time...know this doesn't help you....but just to let you know that you are not alone and perhaps we need not to beat ourselves up about this as well as everything else?? Hopefully eventually we will have the space the time and the energy to do something, whatever is necessary for us to get back to being ourselves again.
{hug}

Thank you for the replies, I shall get myself a copy. Sorry to see that some of us are really struggling right now. xx

Well done, Mouseface. x

Here's a self indulgent question to distract you all - think I've decided I def. want to go visit my long neglected family in germany in ca. October.

Now that I'm no longer focused on the man-child in my life I'm re-discovering a lot of things

I've cobbled together a FB message in my by now pidgeon german (bless, my mid-60's aged parents have been reduced to having to message me on there)

Not bad for people who only got a video recorder last year

For some reason I'm absolutely bricking myself though - shall I send the message and ask?

Thread members vote now for your 'tight uniform wearing, thread clown'

I thank you

Ja ja, BB! Du muss ihn besuchen! Ausgezeichnet dass du dein Selbst wieder zu entdecken anfangst :) :)

Haven't spoken or written German since 1979, that's probably Scheiss

oh, slightly new name btw.

Ja Ja! sicher BB! Gute Reisung!

new name, garlic, same old breath mints!

Oh, hang on again ... Are your parents of the problematic variety? I seem to remember they 'helped' you become a target for Crap Controller boyfriends. If so, maybe a rethink. Visit your nice aunties or something instead?

Hissy
Think I could market them?

Bett und Frühstück BB!

just to allow them their space and you your sanity. Insist on it.

Stinks of garlice in here

Sehr gut Ja mit dem Deutsch garlicnutty!

You vill have to go wiz me to visit ze mozerland, Ja!

Well, yes there are issues there too but think of all the photographs stuck in the attic of me as a dorky pre/teen - it'll make priceless viewing for you lot :)

If my foster parents are still as fond of a party as they were when I left then it should be ok (lots of alcohold to help with the return of the lingo)

That's only half joking....mmh......

Ha ha ha - sorry - just seen your german language skills as well Hissy!

What an educated bunch you all are - Bett & Fruestueck (extra e's to compensate for missing umlaut's) indeed!

That'd be funny. Hissy, BB and Garlic cutting a ferocious swathe through hordes of Germans with our Anti-Twat light sabres, while necking Steins of foaming beer and munching garlicky sausages.

You'd be right at home with the necking of garlic sausages then....err....garlic

Flight leaves at 10.30 am on 13th October, all going to plan. Be zere or be square!

Good lord, a week stuck in a tiny one horse town......I hope they've got broadband cos when it all gets too much I NEED to be whining to you all on here :)

Check out one of the local shops - THAT'S the sort of standard of entertainment awaiting me!

Actually, the shopkeeper of that place was murdered last year (nasty, not joking about that, obviously) but it's a pretty out of character 'exciting' thing to happen to the sleepy old place.

Only laugh at the display of the shop window - NOT the murder (for those that speak the language and can decipher the article I mean)

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=brakeblog.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/mord-berne-ladengeschaeft-brakeblog.jpg&imgrefurl=www.brakeblog.de/aktuell-mord-in-berne-tatverdaechtiger-im-mordfall-harmsen-festgenommen-artikel3608.html&usg=__HgiXDTw6t2fsSHjGPp7dyl4KHKY=&h=398&w=600&sz=214&hl=en&start=1&zoom=1&tbnid=ddIyrmRBva-fkM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=135&ei=GzZtToHVN8iV8QPqo-Qs&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dberne,%2Bwesermarsch,%2Bmorder%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1W1SNYK_en%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=brakeblog.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/mord-berne-ladengeschaeft-brakeblog.jpg&imgrefurl=www.brakeblog.de/aktuell-mord-in-berne-tatverdaechtiger-im-mordfall-harmsen-festgenommen-artikel3608.html&usg=__HgiXDTw6t2fsSHjGPp7dyl4KHKY=&h=398&w=600&sz=214&hl=en&start=1&zoom=1&tbnid=ddIyrmRBva-fkM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=135&ei=GzZtToHVN8iV8QPqo-Qs&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dberne,%2Bwesermarsch,%2Bmorder%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1W1SNYK_en%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1

Is headgear compulsory there? Are you travelling in your ticket-collector's uniform? I'm sure that comes with a snazzy cap.

Ja, snazzy caps won't really impress the overly officious germanic race I fear, garlic :)

Perhaps I could take an official looking rubber stamp they love a rubber stamp there, as do I......

Feeling very guilty about de-railing this wonderful support thread so much now (if piglet stuck her head in now, I dread to think what she'd make of it all!) so I will shut ze F up......