Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 4

[MadameOvary]

Hello everyone - end of last thread kind of took us by surprise!
Will copy in links etc

< looks confuzzled at all the german & promises to read back & decipher at a much more godly hour > :O It's enough bother deciphering stbx at the moment! ;) yesterday, quite good by our standards, wander round the shops, DC's on park kind of day, yesterday was a pretence to today, where he's spent the last 7hours out with his mates 'watching football' I'm no fan of the game but even I know they don't last that long! I have the GP 1st thing as haven't been feeling well, caring man he is isn't he?

"as haven't been feeling well, caring man he is isn't he? "

Glad we're back to the real purpose of this thread! Hello Misspixie, have quoted that part of your post as don't think such twattery deserves a snigger, it deserves a kick in the soft parts!! (not critising you, just trying to express my dismay at what feels like you trying to cover up your hurt at his thoughtlessness)

What kind of bleedin match was that, seven hours indeed!

Hope GP's goes as well as it can!

thanks bibi oh no he's still not home, I often use humour to cover up how i'm feeling I know just feel so down at the minute I could bloody well cry! I've got to Iron DD's uniform tomorrow morning now as I've had to make myself go to bed i'm exhausted. I've text him and told him I've locked the door, is it just me or do some of you find that half their mates are -absolute twats- too? long story but said mate tried to get him to take him home the other night when he was over the limit!!!................

warned him that if he had two wits about him he'd hand me his car keys and walk his friend home or I'd ring the police on his arse myself, he handed me his car keys :) Didn't go down too well with said friend but wtf should I care his lazy arse only had to walk 4streets home! need to remember what I said before about no longer being frightened of upsetting him and on that note i'm getting my head down, not before i've locked the door for real mind! :o

Yep, pixie, it's one of the things I've realised post-disasters. Twats hang out in bunches like piles. They reassure each other that they're Right and women need to Know Their Place.

See, it wasn't that he was such a sweet guy, he overlooked his mates' twattery. It was that he was such a twat, he thought it was normal.

Don't minimise your own discomfort, you've got him to do that for you!!

Sweet dreams :)

I know, I do the same with the humour thing, hence the cavourting through this thread.

Not got that much experience with twattish mates leading x partners astray but the saying does go 'it takes one to know one' so that would fit here.

Nice for him to be out cavorting while you're forced to take care of school things.....etc etc.

I'd be keeping that door firmly locked if I were you, one of his twatty mates can put him up.

GROW up FGS, springs to mind!

Not much help an internet stranger swearing at the problem but you do deserve better than this Misspixie.

Hope you get some restful sleep!

and thanks you are right, weren't criticsing me at all just giving me a gentle reminder :) apologies for the multiple posts by the way! x

Piles time to get the Preperation H out

You can tell a LOT about someone by the company they keep. This is SO true, for all of us!. One of the nicest compliment I have ever been paid was by someone at the end of a party at mine, telling me what lovely frinds I have. I have never forgotten, and these days it means even more.

One of the things that really had started to change with h was this. He was really pulling away from the other narcissistic, eating disordered, mysoginists in his life. Oh well.

home at half past bloody three this morning kicking shouting screaming in the garden for me to undo the door, and then when I let him in just to shut him up he decided to have a go at me shut the -fuck- up you drunken arse twat! couldn't care who's aunty's uncle's sister's brother you bumped into! apparently there's nothing more sobering than a young kiddy so I've heard, so made stbx (with a v.sore head) watch ds whilst I took dd to school and went to the GP's, now on Iron tablets and some skin cream....

for some kind of -lurgy- rashes i've got going on, apparently it's caused by stress, say no more then............

OMG, last dc went to school this morning.
I feel very very odd indeed. This is the first time I have been alone all day for 13 years!!!!!!
But I feel very proud of myself
I can feel the head space clearing already. I'm sorting paper work, corners and it's soooo much easier dealing with my twat when I have a clear head.Of course the twat didn't bother getting up to see his youngest off to school.
I'm nearly ready to write down the stuff that has happened over the summer.

When he talks to me I hear this(thanks for that MO it really works!!!!)

awwww hugs BigButtons! bet you feel v.odd but a nice odd, put your feet up with a cuppa and watch all the daytime (crap) telly you can today, it's the law! :o hope she has a lovely day at school x I must admit I laughed a little at the piles comment but even more at how we affectionately refer to our respective twats as well....twats! hehe you must excuse me, stbx has took himself back to bed after i made him say sorry to the Neighbour's, I have an overwhelming urge to hoover the fcuk out of upstairs ;)

bb - snap! The 13 years bit, the twat not getting up to see her off bit, the head clear bit. And yet the second day he was furious because he had decided to walk her in and she didn't want him to (too cool).

Life can go forward now.

barbie Yay for forward!!!
My twat has never bothered with special days. I am now on the sly offensive. Am reading some very informative parenting books, I want my babies back, the tactics are working.
I'm actually going on the school run ON MY OWN, no toddler in tow, no shoes to find, toys to search for, not feeling like I've been clubbed over the head.
Of course, give me an hour and it'll all go tits up!
MP I found myself leaping and dancing round the house today, just because I was ON MY OWN, well until the twat came in then I hid in the sitting room and carried in dancing once he'd left. When I get my own house NO ONE will be there and I can dance all day if I want!!!

Thanks everyone for letting me just rant. I'm not supporting anyone else much at the moment but it has really helped just looking back at some of my posts.

They confirm that this is EA and the only way to change it is to get out. I have realised some other things about myself in the past, how I set myself up to fail sometimes (nothing to do with EA - happened BT (before twat)) but how, rather than reduce this tendency to self destruct as a loving partner would, he watches me fail and then uses it against me. Usually, at first, he will side with me but then when there is an argument he brings it up, conveniently out of his pack of aces, to trump me.

I'm making so many excuses for us at the moment.

Annie thanks for what you said about me not being insignificant, it makes a lot of sense that it is precisely because I am strong that there is more for him to break down. My conflict threshhold is far too high. Anyone else would have left years ago.

Dear Barbie, on advice of my counsellor I read Women Who Love Too Much - it goes some way to explaining how our backgrounds set us up to interract with abusers - it takes two to tango -. I found it a useful new perspective. And as for conflict threshold it makes sense. If there was dysfunctional stuff in the past then you have a steely coping mechanism and ideas of what is normal/tolerable would be off the radar to most. We may see the red flags but we are have coped with worse in the past, so we cope where others would just walk away and of course the DCs make that much harder especially if your childhood centrered around a family that coped with some level of dysfunction.

agh, he's being a right knobber today

and he's being a nobber too

Just vent buttons.
I've just had a cry for being such a failure (how I feel). Made cake for DCs for tea and still don't feel any better. Thank god sun is shining here as can put on sunglasses for pick up.

None of us are failures.

(Far from it, frankly, given the wealth of open-hearted generosity and sheer talent on display here!)

We are all human beings many made vulnerable to abuse because of previous experiences in childhood and early relationships whom life happened to. It's a bit shit, but it doesn't make us failures.

By becoming aware of the abuse we received and doing our all to get shot of it, in hugely difficult circumstances, we are in fact a collective of raging successes.

Oh yes we are.

notsorted your far from a failure. You're an amazing woman who is battling with your very own twat. The fact that you are here, writing and battling means you are a fighter. You are trying to make things better for you and your dc's, how could that possibly be failing in any way?
Chin up xx

Women Who Love Too Much, was one of the first books I read in a forlorn attempt to understand.

It makes valid points. I had an emotionally unavailable father. He hid in a book rather than face up to the fact that he'd married a green faced witch. Witch pretended I was his favourite, but I wasn't. Nobody was as he wasn't "there".

I suppose it justified her goldenchilding older sister.

That book whilst explaining the tip of the ice berg, puts all the responsibility onto the woman though. We have to be the ones to stop loving too much, nothing about the men who take advantage of that!!!

It's always the woman who has to take responsibility, to change, to take shut up and stop moaning tablets. How many women in the seventies and eighties...after the so called feminist revolution, were "depressed" and dosed up n bloody valium!?

Couldn't possibly be the men could it? They don't have to face up to the fact that they are disconnected emotionally, with the emotional intelligence of a two year old!

I don't see many books out there for men, expecting men to put themselves right! They don't think that they are wrong you see, do they?

But it's the treatment meted out by these very same men that cause the need for the "shut up drugs" in the first place.

Is it really THAT hard to be nice to your wife? Bollocks it is. They just have such a massive identity problem going on, it's untrue!

And not our problem! THEIRS!

!!!!!!!! and ! He ruined the morning routine made everyione cry before school then just got a hard time for trying to run my business in a business-like manner...twat lef for the city because no food in the house ( I shopped yesterday)...".but i don't like that sort of bread" !!!, didn't pick up kids from school, left me with all 6, double buggy, musical instruments.......!!!! Just when i thought there was a little bit of humanity.......silly, stupid me.