Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 4

[MadameOvary]

Hello everyone - end of last thread kind of took us by surprise!
Will copy in links etc

Leaving these people is a little like having our ears pierced.

Sharp pain when the little prick goes through, but once it's done, you are surprised at how quickly you start to feel better!

Great analogy HH

I found that there were times when I felt I'd made it all up. In my head I mean. I felt like it was all me and not him.

But of course, that was what he wanted me to think.

It's as if they know how you feel inside. They take away your strength. They take away your soul and crush you into the shell of the woman you used to be.

They hold your heart in their hands and slowly squeeze the life, the passion and the love out of it.

It hurts to realise what you have let him do to you.

But it hurts far less over time.

You will find yourselves again, and when you do, you will see the true you. The better, stronger you. xx

Hello Mouse - how are you doing?
I believe the dolls are on their way
Hissy - I might have to steal that

oh steal away! it's free for everyone!

Have you seen the new MN expression?

"well Woof to you, lady!"

PMSL on the AIBU flaming thread! Fair dos to the woman, she has seen the error of her ways and admitted her twattishness, anbd her flounce lasted about 30 seconds!

I'm going to develop the woof into What the Woof? and Woof You! etc!

Down day today Madam. I'll be grand though, thank you. xx

You know where I am Mouse xx

jesus christ - just stumbled across this post of mine, the first one after got rid of x...

have a look

A different Hissy there wasn't I?

speaking of which, there are a couple of very sad posts on Relationships today.

Being vague, and the MIL driving a wedge ones....

Can I join you?
Anyfucker sent me to this thread from my post www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1288539-Pretty-sure-DH-doesnt-love-me-anymore

After the computer/me chucking incident of a couple of weeks ago I made an appt at the local women's resource centre for today just to see what's on offer, they have a domestic abuse drop in and a job advice drop in so am aiming to go to those at the very least, going to find out more about the freedom programme which they offer, I have heard of it but don't know much, anyway, the funny bit, told himself I was going, had to phrase it carefully but there was no kicking off, I don't lie so wasn't going to make up a story to go out and am not going to brush it under the carpet any more. I can see I can't get out immediately but I need to try to move my own life on whatever.
Got back..
him: so how was it?
me: ok they have a domestic abuse drop in one day a week so might check that out
him: oh and is there somewhere I can go?
me: what? you mean about domestic abuse?
him: yeah
me: you mean you think you are suffering from domestic abuse?
him: yeah feels like it sometimes, but I suppose it's just arguments really
me: arguments are normal everyone argues
him: ok right I think we better stop this now or there'll be an argument

Here you all are, well the end of that third thread certainly did take me by surprise. Number 4 eh, amazing and sad it's needed at the same time.

Finishing stuffing late dinner down me so nothing useful to add atm but ready with new tickets for the utter twats some of you courageous people are fighting right now!

Welcome Allboxedin
reasons - FFS what a twat. I've been rewriting convos recently. I dont know if you read the end of the last thread but if he wants to know where he can go I suggest you buy him a ticket to the Far Side of Fuck.

Glad you made contact with a DV resource centre.

X-posted Bibi!

Ex has found out about DP (I accidentally sent a couple of texts meant for DP to ex - oooops) and has gone ballistic, telling everyone I dumped him for this other man, I was having an affair. Sigh, I KNEW this would happen. Now saying he doesnt want to see DD if he has to see me also - result!

oh well! No HE knows how it feels to be replaced!

Don't even respond to him, let him stay away from DD, it's FINE. DD will be fine.

Just tell him

"My life is no longer any of your business."

bloody hell Allboxedin, just skim read your thread!

You are having a tough time of it love!

Anything we can help you with on here, please let us know, or else, just dive right in and talk about whatever you wish!

Hi. He's gone out again, to see a friend, which I'm really pleased about - he's by far my favourite of his friends and the one I hoped might be there to pick up the pieces. Don't know how I feel, really. Like I could just kind of ignore it. Does that make me horrible and callous? He is really (seeming to be) listening to everything I've said. Says he will do anything, his heart is aching, how can I even think of splitting up our family, what it would do to the girls. He admits he's in a shit place and has low self-esteem and agrees that he is leaning too much on me. Suddenly he's really grateful for me supporting him for the last 2 1/2 years; suddenly he's really remorseful and admitting some of the things he's done. He still totally misrepresented the argument we had four weeks ago (which ended in him asking if I wanted to separate), but other things he's listening to. He says he can't understand it and it can't really be all about mess and claustrophobia. He hasn't really admitted he talks to me like shit.

I have agreed to go to counselling - basically because I don't want to be accused of not doing everything I can. I don't think it will make a difference and I've kind of told him that. I feel so sorry for him now - where's my rage of last night gone? I do feel like I'm nearly there, though.

Fuck, will it be really hard being a single mother???? am I living in a bubble with no idea of what I'm really doing?

I do still have that kernel of . Maybe I am just a massive psycho sadistic bitch and it's just never shown itself in 33 years of life...

Sitting outside on the concrete path with the cat because he won't come indoors while the weather is still good-ish. Wine Glass and MN in hand.

Someone come and put me in a white jacket please :)

MO (lazy abbreviating, sorry) - that sounds like an excellent outcome ie not having to see the git at all!!!

Hissy, I like your ear pearcing comparison a lot!

Aaargh, Mothra's attacking me from every angle.....

Thanks herhissyness, just being here on mumsnet has helped me loads already :)
Where theres a will theres a way!
Helpme, I am asking myself the same question about being a single mum, Its the financial part which worries me I think.

Oh it is relentless! He said I was watching Prince Harry's expedition with the wounded soldiers because I think that they're 'sexy'.
I've been looking for a psychotherapist for him/us, but it's a tough subject to bring up as he's very reluctant to seek help, won't even take tablets, won't eat properly etc so even mentioning it takes courage.
He's Italian and I think it would make a massive difference if the doctor were Italian too, only thing is they're all in central London and we're on the south coast and they cost a lot. I might try telephone/email.
My god this is so much easier to write than to say, the amount of times I've wanted to tell our GP and it's like having a stammer when the words just don't come out, and anything that does is just brushing the surface so people say 'oh yeah well of course, he's depressed and hasn't accepted his illness so he's taking it out on you, so you're bound to argue' etc!
I'm not that bothered even if nobody's reading this, it's just nice to get it out of my head.
I get panic/anxiety attacks when it all builds up, and I find the easiest of tasks, like the washing up, unbearably overwhelming, and spend the day exhaling like I'm in labour and shaking.
But that's not everyday, the bad thing is that when I have an OK day I tend to forget how bad it gets when it is bad, and the OK day seems a breeze, almost as if there isn't a problem. It's a habit, it's become me.
I'm tired, I'll carry on blabbing tomorrow......night night.

I know an Italian GP in Portsmouth? Does that help? I can ask him if he knows any psychotherapists? Then again, the south coast is quite long...

He's still out. Had a long chat with the friend who introduced us. She was lovely.

Hello, can I join too please? I've been out of an abusive relationship for years now but have a DS and so it does creep its head round from time to time. I still find it hard to accept that it was my ex and not me that was the abusive one, even though friends and family have been telling me that he was for years. It took a professional to tell me before I would believe it. I can't understand why he remained with me for years but didn't show me any love, emotion or empathy during that time. As I'm typing I'm thinking it was my fault. I'm usually an independent, confident and outgoing professional woman. Why on earth am I still going on about this. Sorry for rant.

Me again, I cant stop eating

Not attention seeking, but if you have time, look at the tentative post I made back in Feb when I had just dumped shithead, see the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty.

Posting on that thread, and here has helped me enormously, and one or 2 others hopefully along the way. The Lundy Bancroft book was like a bolt of lighting (but a good one!) really woke me up to a whole lot of stuff, and gave me total understanding of the situation I was in.