I am being deliberatly vague sorry.

[PrisonerZero]

Say, for example a person was in a bad relationship, a non violent (as yet) but highly critical, verbally abusive, mentally abusive, controlling relationship where the male partner drinks to excess and the female partner dreads the afternoon as it gets closer and closer to the time he will be home. As well as having her own older DC she also has a small baby, her current partner is this childs father and on the birth certificate.

The female realises she needs to end the relationship but is scared to do so - mainly because he has told her repeatidly that he would take the baby away (baby is less than 3 months old and breastfed). She believes that he would 100% take the baby. He would take him from her arms even, or the second she turned her back. He would take him from his bed in the middle of the night, or from the pram when out walking. If he was locked out he would find a way to get in. He is on the babys birth certificate and has parental responsibility. He wouldn't hurt the baby.

What could the female do to pre-emptivily stop this happening? How could she be sure that she wouldn't lose her child? Is there any way of getting anything down on paper saying that he can't take the child away without him knowing that she has done it?

How about getting yourself and your children to a shelter now, and wait for the 21st from there?

You have a bag. You have the documents you need. Shelters are safe and welcoming places with all the professional advice you need.

and set the wheels in motion to have him removed from YOUR house while you are away. I am getting concerned by his threats, being specifically about taking the baby, and when you seem to be getting stronger. Maybe he senses that you are picking yourself up, and knows he is a twat, so that you will inevitably leave him.

also get to work on taking out an injunction so that he cannot come near you/your house/the baby. The threats are surely enough for them not to allow unsupervised contact.

I thought this might happen.

call WA, read out what you have written here. It's descriptive enough.

They will help you and they will tell you how they can help.

Now is not the time for posting, now is the time for getting your DC and you to a safe place.

No-one will alert any authorities, everything will be done at YOUR pace.

I think you really need to get away from this man now even if it means going to a refuge for a bit whilst he is removed from the house.

Speak to WA - read your last post to them if you can think of anything else to say.

Log his threatening behaviour with the police so if he starts getting difficult they already know you are potentially at risk.

sorry
"if you can't think of anything else to say"

So he actually said that he would inject you with drugs and force alcohol down you, in front of his friend? Blimey! What did his friend say? How did he react to this?

I suppose at least you have a witness. :(

Zero - was he drinking when he said all of this to you? In front of his friend?

He sounds utterly vile.

How would your XH feel if he knew your children were subject to this? Do you think he might help you if you told him just how awful your DP is to them and to you?

Would he help you to get out before 21st, or even let the children you have together stay with him whilst you get DP out of the house?

What about your close friends or do you have two people [forgetful emoticon] that can help?

I can't believe how nasty he is, saying those things to you, about trashing the house and injecting you with drugs, forcing drink on you! The mind boggles as to where he gets these ideas from.

Did his friend say nothing at all?

Please don't tell me he sat there laughing along with your DP.

Where were your older children? Were they in bed?

Could you try to get into somewhere as an emergency do you think? Today? Maybe before you have to do the school run? Keep trying WA, they will listen and they will believe you!

It must be so very hard for you having to wait for the help you so desperately need and want. Having to live in the world that you do, trapped and alone in your own thoughts.

Your head must be spinning with all of this, trying to remember what is said so that you can tell the solicitor.

I'm certain that if you spoke to your XH, he'd be supportive. I don't think he'd walk away, he'd help you.

How about trying to talk to Shelter? Or maybe try here helpline www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Please, you can't stay with him, you can't risk your own and your children's safety.

The mind boggles as to where he gets these ideas from.
He certainly doesn't live in the real world.

Please, put an end to this. There must be someone who can help. It's awful to read about this man. He sounds like a real piece of work

Wow, it's very unusual for a man to abuse in front of witnesses. It does happen of course, but it's not the norm.

He said the stuff about the baby in the kitchen whilst his friend was in the living room - but everything else the comments about me etc were infront of his friend. He says it in a jokey way though, so his friend thinks he is kidding around. He is worse sometimes when his friend is here, he shows off I think. But always makes out that its all just fun. Previously, he has mushed cake into my face when he has been here and i've said I didn't fancy it etc. Yes, this was after he had been drinking.

Last night was one of his better nights. He only ranted on for a short while, usually he goes on for hours leaving me crying and exhausted. His favourite subject is how I have ruined my children.

My DC were away, only the baby was here. I am sure exh would help me but P knows where he lives and would make his life hell.

Shelter, then.

It's your life he's making hell as it is. And your children's.

Is your exH aware of how this twat is abusing his sons?

Please, just take the baby and go. You have nothing to lose. He won't get the baby.

He knows that they are not 100% happy, because when Social Services were involved they also spoke to him and left them in his care for 2 nights until they had a chance to speak to me and P. It was put down to teething problems of settling into a new 'family' and we were given a no further action. The DC were questioned and said that they didn't like P because he didn't play with them etc - nothing that would be deemed as a problem. I should have spoken up then but I was scared. ExH obviously asked me about it and believed me when I told him it was all fine, he even went so far as to say he trusted my judgement etc - I am so ashamed.

The school have also called me in before as my younger child was repeating bad language he had heard at home and when asked about it had said that he had heard it from P. The head mistress said she wouldn't be taking it any further as long as I sorted it out (or words to that effect)

I threatened to leave him over that - I was pregnant at the time but he promised everything would change etc. I thought I was shielding the DC from it as he has never gone into one of his rants about them when they have been up, but I guess they may have heard it from their bedroom. I so desperately want to say that they couldn't possibly have, but they pick up more than I think they do so of course they know. It is very very hard to admit that.

I've spent so long making excuses for him that its become second nature now and I have to stop myself doing it even in my own head. Accepting it is very hard.

So in a nutshell, I have made even believe (or at least convinced myself that they believe) that everything is fine. I don't generally talk about our relationship with anyone.

Thank you for the link and the advice, I am feeling a little over whelmed at the moment so will make calls and look at the websites in a little while, I am off to the shops but will be back to post this evening probably.

I have made the decision that if he starts, even in a small way, I am going to tell him to leave, my DC wont be back for a couple of days which is one less thing to worry about.

I hope MouseFace and HerHissyness don't mind, but if it is ok I will PM you my RL name and his RL name just incase anything bad does happen and you see me on the news or something and the relevant people could be directed to this thread then and see that it was very probably him that burnt down the house or something (over dramatic I know, but if he did do something I wouldn't want him getting away with it) but I will wait for permission from you both first.

Leave today. See it as making good your long-ago threat now. He's certainly broken his end of the bargain.

I'm sorry but enough is enough.

He has you defending him now, can you see that? Re-read your posts, look at the words.

He has got you to the point where you are now finding reasons not to leave.

What will it take Zero?

I'm sorry to sound mean and cruel, like I'm having a go at you, I'm not, I just want you to get yourself and your children OUT! He will never change. There are so many people out there who can and WILL help you break free from this animal.

Did you try and contact the people on the link I posted to you?

Why not try WA now? Have you tried to call them? Keep trying. Please, for the sake of your and your children's safety, if he is really so bad and so cruel, of he is saying all of these things to you, at some point, he's going to up the ante.

Trust me, he will get worse and soon

X posted Zero, it's like you knew what I was going to post to you.........

When you're out, take some deep breathes and try to let some of this go for a while. Try and switch off just for a while.

I just wantd to add that many years ago the samaritans helped me very much when i was in a dangerous situation.I rang them desperate and they stepped up. Apparently they still do this so its just another option you can explore if you werent comfortable with womens aid.
I am a sw and it doesnt sound as if he would legally get the baby and a lot of men threaten to take the children but the reality is that they dont.
There is a better,calmer more enjoyable life for you,if you can tolerate living like this then you can certainly tolerate life without him.

Yes of course. PM me whatever you need to. But please, please, stop this now. There are a lot of people here who have given you the very best advice and provided with links etc........

There are people reading this, lurking, who are in your shoes, who are just as scared as you are, who live in fear each and every day.

Show them that they can get out. Like so many of us, show them that you can do it too. Give them and yourself a reason to believe that there is life after abuse.

Because there is life. A wonderfully safe and warm life. Only YOU can make that happen Zero by taking that first step, the rest will fall into place and you will have all the support you will need.

If you take away the fear, he is left with nothing.

No power. Fear = power.

I've been cheering you on from the sidelines as I've not had much to add.

Please contact anyone you can, rather than waiting for the 21st or waiting to get through to WA.

Your comment about PMing your names had me in tears.

There's been lots of good advice and ideas about orgs that can help upthread. I hope you can speak to someone useful soon.

You are doing very, very well. I think he may sense a change, although it's not clear if his comments are much different from before you posted here

Another lurker cheering you from the sidelines. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you and the baby. Your H sounds truly horrible, please be very careful. Would you consider going to a shelter until the 21st. It just seems so worrying that he can sense something's up.

Please mind yourself and your baby. xx

Surely, if nothing else can persuade you to leave, that last post, where you supposedly joke (?) about PMing your RL name in case he burns down your home, MUST do????

What are you waiting for? Not the 21st. That's not a reason. You've got what you need. Just GO.

This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. He sounds so horrible and you must be so tense keeping it together with a young baby.

Great idea about pm'ing your name to your supporters on this thread. Do remember to clear your history, cookies and the cache in case he finds this thread. If you can get your head around Twitter it could be a very quick way to contact someone directly if you are in need of help. You can do it from your phone, lots of Mnetters are on there and you could alert someone in seconds. Please take lots of care of yourself and your children.

I just wanted to add my message of support, you have been so,so brave Zero but really now is the time to leave, please don't wait till the 21st, can you go and stay with one of your friends/your exH and call the police/WA from there? I really think that enough is enough and you need to go.