As rare as it is, ExH is a fantastic father in every way. Can't fault him. He is a good person and i'm sure he would do anything it took to protect his DC and maybe to a lesser extent, her. He already has his DC 50% of the time so there will be opportunity for her to this whilst they (the older DC) are away. it makes her harder for her to understand why her partner would want to take the baby away, surely she has a proven track record of giving fair access to children and not causing problems. She knows that fathers have every right to play an equal part in bringing her their children and has never used them as weapons or tried to place restrictions on their relationship with each other. It can only be because he knows it is the thing that will hurt her the most.
Someone linked on another thread 'signs you are dating a loser' and this man ticks every box. And yet she still trundled along putting things off because she was pregnant/it would soon be Christmas/had plans for something or other/it was just taking him time to get used to things/he was stressed at work/it was ok sometimes/he was misunderstood/etc etc etc. She caught herself doing it the other day, worrying that Christmas would be ruined and then realised that a Christmas spent with him would be ruined away so no point in making excuses. The only real excuse is that she is scared. She keeps thinking that she would miss his family, miss out on the nice things they do, but its not worth the pay off.
He has a vile temper. He can be happily chatting about one thing and in the next breathe is telling her she has ruined her DC, that she is a bad mother, that her DC are pussys and need to be men, that she ought to be doing this and that, that he doesnt get enough attention. He is dismissive of anything she says, she always says stupid things, says the wrong thing in front of people, has no opinion worth listening to. Its the looks he gives her, as if she is nothing. She doesn't make enough effort, always looks crap. He was drunk a few weeks ago and wanted to take the baby out, she stood her ground and refused, woke up the baby and held him so that he would have to take him from her to leave with him, and in the end he gave up but she hasn't been allowed to forget it. She has been warned that it is the first and last time she will tell him what to do with his baby. That she is skating on thin ice. When the older DC are away and he has had a drink she will sleep in there room with the baby if he has had a drink. Otherwise when he wets the bed she gets wet too. Sometimes he buys her flowers when he realises he has been especially bad.
She knows she is looking for an excuse, waiting for him to do something that can justify her leaving, when really just being unhappy is a perfectly good excuse. But she doesn't feel her own feelings are a worthwhile reason. She hopes he meets someone else, cheats on her, hits her even as then she has an excuse. People often think that because they can't see the bruises then it can't be that bad.
Logically she understands and knows the facts and figures, know why she thinks and feels the way she does. She would tell anyone else in the same situation to leave.
The womens aid website is scary, good advice, but very scary to read though - lots of stuff about how to protect yourself, I can't see her needing to follow the advice then the logical part of her tells her that yes actually she does. She has been waiting until she is alone to call them as little ears might over hear things they are not supposed to and innocently repeat it. Wouldn't be good. But she will call them this afternoon. She feels like a bit of an idiot phoning them though, whats she supposed to say? That hes mean? She doesn't want to waste their time.