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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To be angry at his abortion request?

792 replies

Breevandercamp1750 · 22/08/2011 18:02

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

OP posts:
Newbabynewmum · 09/09/2011 21:25

Hi Bree. Just read this thread for the first time. Not really useful but want to say how great you're doing - you might not think you are but trust me it sounds amazing everything you've done. Keep going. Your parents must be very proud & your DC will be when they are older. I hope this weekend is ok. Stay strong. (but keep crying, shouting and eating chocolate when you want)

PfftTheMagicDraco · 09/09/2011 21:34

Oh Bree :(

You didn't do anything wrong sweetie.

This is ALL him.

mathanxiety · 09/09/2011 21:56

Well done for talking with the school. Not easy to approach people who are strangers for want of a better word, and tell all -- having a third party for the children to talk with if they want to is a really great thing. You are such a rock for them.

You did nothing wrong. You and your baby just happened to get in the way of True Love Between A Pair Of Conscience-Free Zones.

ChippingIn · 09/09/2011 22:55

Bree - it all feels 'too much' at times doesn't it :( What you need to fully understand is the you didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Nil. Zilch. He is solely to blame. If he had any issues within your marriage it was up to him to discuss them with you - not run off and fuck someone else. HE is the one that is to blame 100%.

Dogs are great - make the most of those loving ears!! We listen just as well but we aren't half as cute Grin

Try really really hard to get some sleep - you will feel so so so much better for it.

I really am sorry you have lost the man he once was - but you have to remember, no matter what he says or does now - he's no longer that man :(

Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 23:11

Just want to echo everyone else Bree - you did nothing wrong. This is all down to him.

Re. the PILs - yes, they probably are a little torn - especially if it looks like the cock wants to come back and you reject his advances (completely understandably, btw). But keep talking to them, let them know how bad you are feeling - if they know how much damage their arsehole son has done, they might pass it on to him, maybe some level of understanding might dawn on him. Of course, you can still be strong and brave for them if you prefer to do so - but they need to understand that he has done real damage.

Make sure you eat and sleep as well as you can - it's hard but it needs to be done.

Glad you've spoken to the school, it's another level of support for the children that they are likely to need.

Have you been to the doctor yet? I would suggest you go, just to let the doc give you a brief check over and so that you have another back up - you might need to consider some counselling because in the end, we and the dog can only do so much - you might need a RL person to sit and listen and help you find ways to get through this and your GP might be the person to point you in the direction of a counsellor.

Remember - none of this is your fault. It was his choice to break his marriage vows, his choice to walk out on his famly, his choice to try and kill his unborn baby, his choice to have an affair - he is the one in the wrong. And it seems that he's not that uncommon either - there is another thread going at the moment where a lady is 4m pg with their second child and her OH has just walked out with no warning, just packed his bags and gone. And a few other posters have come onto that thread saying the same thing happened to them. :(

I don't know what goes through their heads when they do this shit but it is THE most selfish thing imaginable.

(((hugs))) for you my lovely - cry when you need to, let it out, and then deep breaths and keep going. You can do it, you know you can.

Breevandercamp1750 · 12/09/2011 18:33

Hi

I've not been very well the last few days. Feeling 'off' and tummy pains. I just don't feel right if that makes sense? I'm booked for a scan tomorrow morning to check on baby so fingers crossed. I'm terrified Sad

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 12/09/2011 18:38

Oh Bree, I have everything crossed for you.

It might be due stress or a bug that you don't feel 'right' and have pains - these things tend to hit when you're down because it's hard to look after yourself properly.

xx

Flisspaps · 12/09/2011 18:38

due to stress

TheOriginalFAB · 12/09/2011 18:39

Speak for yourself ChippingIn Grin.

So sorry Bree that you have this new stress. Do you have someone to go with you?

bananamam · 12/09/2011 18:42

Just read your story and wanted to say you are amazingly strong. I went through similar(very) and there is light at the end of the tunnel Smile

heleninahandcart · 12/09/2011 18:42

Bree you concentrated on being strong when this all started, you were formidable. You are naturally coming down a little from it all. It wouldn't be surprising if you felt physically rough right now, you've had your world turned upside down and pregnant.

Try and rest this evening, you have your scan booked and that will re-assure you. Do you have/want someone to go with you? Do ask someone close to you if that helps. Firmly in team Bree here, you never asked for this, you did nothing wrong, someone else made bad choices. Be kind to yourself as much as you can (sneaky hug)

CeeYouNextTuesday · 12/09/2011 20:52

Fingers crissed for you Bree, take care of yourself, get lots of rest, and dont worry. {{hugs}}

mistlethrush · 12/09/2011 20:59

I hope you've got someone to go with you tomorrow Bree.

Longtime · 13/09/2011 07:40

Hope everything goes ok today Bree.

TheOriginalFAB · 13/09/2011 08:18

Good luck today Bree. I wil be thinking of you.

ilovesprouts · 13/09/2011 08:43

gosh just read all this thread ,if it was me i would have nothing to do with him at all what a selfish man .

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/09/2011 11:03

"PIL are still being supportive but a little distant. That's to be expected I guess, he is their son which puts them in a difficult position. Feel quite sorry for them tbh."

Bree, it might be that they know he's trying to get back; and may reckon that if they're overtly supportive of you now, should you actually get back together then they will be the ones getting the frosty reception. It's more common for that to happen with best friends who have said "He's a bastard, I never liked him", but it may be their fear. Obviously I can't tell if that is what they are thinking, but it is a possibility.

My best wishes for the scan.

Breevandercamp1750 · 13/09/2011 14:25

Thanks everyone, I'm having a girl! She's fine! Grin

OP posts:
Longtime · 13/09/2011 14:27

Oh what a relief. And a massive Congratulations! {{hug}}

mistlethrush · 13/09/2011 14:33

Good news! Smile

How are the other children settling down in their new school?

Breevandercamp1750 · 13/09/2011 14:35

Thanks! Its such a weight off my mind.

The children have settled really well. Youngest is exhausted by the full day but he's getting used to it bless him. It's such a lovely school and the staff have been so supportive. Feels like things are looking up a little Smile

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 13/09/2011 14:35

Thank goodness Bree and congratulations on your DD. :)
Have you bothered to let your H know? I wouldn't, tbh - he's shown so little care for his children so far, it would only hurt you if he reacts in anything less than a thrilled manner, which is almost a given. :(

Breevandercamp1750 · 13/09/2011 14:39

No I haven't told H and I dont intend to. He hasn't bothered with the others since that one meeting so screw him. Angry

Have seen the accountant briefly and solicitor to move money around and ring fence things. He's lost everything as far as I'm concerned and I hope he rots. Grin

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 13/09/2011 14:41

You sound much more upbeat Bree - so nice to hear the spirit back! Grin

blackcurrants · 13/09/2011 14:47

A little girl! :) Congratulations.

You're doing so well, Bree - it's admirable.

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