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Original poster

To be angry at his abortion request?

792 replies

Breevandercamp1750 · 22/08/2011 18:02

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

OP posts:
Squitten · 08/09/2011 15:15

I don't think he understands how badly he has behaved TBH. The fact that he is telling your kids it'll all be alright soon and the text, the flowers - it's what you might do if you've had a little row.

I would find some way, either face-to-face or in a letter, to explain that the very fabric of your marriage is in tatters at the moment and ridiculous gestures like that will not cut it.

mistlethrush · 08/09/2011 15:43

Have you spoken to him at all since he left? (Sorry, have been following since early days but so much good advice, didn't have anything to add).

Has he really thought about what he's done to you and the children - and what he asked you to do?

If PiL are still around (did they come to help?) I would be handing them the flowers and asking them to be returned to sender with some choice words. How dare he think that a bunch of flowers will even start to repair any of the damage he's done when he's not bothered to speak to you - or tell the children exactly what's going on.

ChippingIn · 08/09/2011 19:14

Bree - a lousey bunch of flowers & a card - saying he's made a mistake??

Come on lovey - he expects you to take him back - look at what he told the kids. He sees this as nothing more than pissing you off about something mid-range. He has NO idea just how vile his behaviour has been, he has no concept of what he's put you through - none whatsoever.

Even if you wanted to - you could not successfully rebuild your relationship until he understands what he has done, apologises probably & begs for your forgiveness - but the main thing is that he needs to understand what he's done... and right now He Does Not - all he wants is his cosy family life back to normal with the least hassle.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2011 19:43

Pardon ?

A shitty bunch f flowers and mealy-mouthed platitude has made you reconsider ?

Are you crazy ?

AnyFucker · 08/09/2011 19:45

Has OW blown him out ?

Original poster
Breevandercamp1750 · 08/09/2011 20:11

Just spoken to him on the phone. Very emotional conversation, lots of angry words on my part. OW has dropped him but I'm not taking him back.

Off to bed now, too tired and weepy to post more. Will be back tomorrow.

Thank you all so much as always Smile

OP posts:
puzzlesum · 08/09/2011 20:21

Things do not seem to be going too well for him. What a shame.

Try and get some rest, Bree.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2011 20:24

OW has dropped him

hence his wholly inadequate attempt to get back in your good books

please do not fall for it

SansaLannister · 08/09/2011 20:25

So there's the heart of the matter: his plan A failed. You're plan B.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/09/2011 20:27

Bree - you sound so strong. Don't try and be too strong though. I am worried you are holding things together a bit too well. Take care of yourself.

mathanxiety · 08/09/2011 22:57

Yes indeedy, SansaLannister. Pithy and true.

mistlethrush · 08/09/2011 23:20

Look after yourself, your children and your baby Bre

HereIGo · 08/09/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fontsnob · 09/09/2011 00:03

What a complete cunt. :( so pissed off on your behalf for his vile behaviour.

CeeYouNextTuesday · 09/09/2011 00:32

Good for you Bree! why should you take him back, the shit!
How dare he come grovelling back to you, because his OW has dropped him! How dare he think that you actually would!

Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 00:37

Good on yer, Bree!! (sorry the Aussieness is creeping over me)
Well done, what a fucking cheek the lying cheating bastard has! "Oh, the affair didn't work out so I'll go back to my wife, she'll have me back of course". Well I hope he just got the shock of his life!

You are so strong, even in the middle of wanting to curl up and hide away from everything, you stood up for yourself and your children - he cast you away like a worn out glove the minute something else appeared on the horizon and he just expected you to come back to his hand when he felt like it - but you are worth SO MUCH MORE than that. And you have just shown him that.

Brava!

TheOriginalFAB · 09/09/2011 08:11

It just gets worse. He was willing to kill his baby for someone who wasn't even a long term relationship.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 09/09/2011 12:27

Does anyone else want to give this guy a good kicking talking to? Angry

Bree you are coping so well but if you do need to have a good cry or take to bed for the day please do - bottling everything up won't do you any good in the long term. Do you have a good friend in RL you can rant to?

I cannot believe how deeply deeply selfish he is, right to the very core of his being. He was willing to have you have a late abortion and kill your baby, so it would be easier for him to continue his affair or even leave you further down the line. Now OW has dumped him he sends you a measly bunch of flowers! Shock Angry Telling your kids what he did (after not even bothering to see them for so long) was also despicable.

I so want to come round and give you a hug and help you out.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/09/2011 17:58

Notice it took the OW to dump him for him to try to come back, seeing his family torn to bits didnt quite penetrate his head did it?.

Fwiw my sil exp cheated for years (17 to be precise) because he could always go home when he'd got bored of the ow. She aborted an early pg when she found out he was at it when their youngest was 6 months.

One of DHs colleagues (sp?) cheats and goes back, cheats and goes back. You get the idea.

Obv OW has him sussed out and has decided he isnt the man she thought. or she has realised he wont be so rich when you have divorced him and had everything off him.

Onemorning · 09/09/2011 18:00

(((Bree)))

Original poster
Breevandercamp1750 · 09/09/2011 19:07

Thanks everyone. I feel awful today. If you hadn't guessed, I internalize everything and remain calm and composed on the exterior. It's doing me no favours now though. I feel like shite. Run down, tired, weepy, flu like Sad just want it all to go away.

DC have been wonderful this week. We are talking lots about what's going on and I'm keeping daddy as a good person so that they feel ok to mention him to me. It's bloody hard though. I spoke with the prep school head who was fantastic. She took the time to listen to everything and had a chat with the DC explaining that if they ever needed anyone to talk to, be upset with etc then she was always there. DS1 was a little wobbly this morning but I think that's down to being tired more than anything.

PIL are still being supportive but a little distant. That's to be expected I guess, he is their son which puts them in a difficult position. Feel quite sorry for them tbh.

My parents have the children this evening so it's me and the dog. She's such a good listener! Grin

I just wish that it was getting easier but if anything it's getting harder. I want to cut all contact with him (apart from the DC) as I find it easier to put my head down and get on with things. Him sending wankerish gestures just gets my back up and makes me miss the man he was. My kind loving H of a year ago would have moved heaven and earth for me. What did I do wrong?

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 09/09/2011 19:30

delurking to say this, cos it's important:

You didn't do anything wrong, Bree.
You didn't change.
You didn't break any promises or vows.

He did.

You didn't do anything wrong.

(((HUGS)))

TheOriginalFAB · 09/09/2011 19:33

NOTHING.

Is there someone who could act as a go between so you don't have to speak to or see your H?

toptramp · 09/09/2011 20:14

Hi again. Listen girl. I don't want to be harsh but do you want to go back to a man who is grovelling because he got dumped by the ow? Will you EVER be able to forgive him? Have a long, hard think about this. You are worth so much better!

mistlethrush · 09/09/2011 20:44

Bree - tell the dog, they are so good at listening - let it out even if you can't to any of your friends or family. You know that she won't repeat anything you say to her, she won't judge you, and she'll still love you just as much tomorrow, whatever you say tonight.

Look after yourself and the children. Work out what's going to be best for you at the moment.

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