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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After divorce, trying to move on is like doing a square dance with both feet tied together. Update.

860 replies

Wisedupwoman · 07/08/2011 09:06

First came to MN (a life-saver) in March:

Then DH, now XH (very quick divorce) was into second OW which I found out through his deceitful, sloppy and disgusting attempts to take the cowards way out. Could not believe the man I loved for 20 years had spent 4 years lying and cheating his way through life and who then went on to try and manipulate all our DC's (and still is, divorce doesn't change anything).

We are now into mediation, I have a sol who is waiting in the wings to advise on settlements. I have, despite all the turmoil, secured a better job on higher salary and our DD has a place at 6th form. XH has been living with OW since he left, and I went no contact within 2 weeks of his leaving. He hates this as he is unable to control the situation so interrogates DC's - my adult DS's have cut him out, yet XH still tries with eldest DS, who finds it hard not to feel sorry for XH despite his awful behaviour. All our friends have cut XH out, none of them liked him it turns out and his colleagues have long called XH 'the artful dodger'. So this was a man who led a double life and I have been trying to come to terms with this and move on.

This thread is about that - trying to move on and deal with the reality that whilst I am trying to hold my chin up and tits out, XH is going to be a part of my life through our DD whether I like it or not.

I want to give my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to everyone who has thus far been so wonderful and unstinting in their MN support for me - who have walked the journey with me even in the midst of their own sadness.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 06/05/2012 12:11

Change it to WisedUpAGAINWoman!

Moreshoesthanimeldamarcos · 06/05/2012 12:24

Excellent annie will do. Grin

izzyizin · 06/05/2012 18:46

Have got Wine, roll-ups, selection of appetisers, and Krispy Kremes... all I need now is the location of the other place Confused

izzyizin · 06/05/2012 18:48

No I don't Grin

catsrus · 06/05/2012 19:10

ah - that was you was it? damn. Had hoped that NM was a keeper Angry

I've just celebrated the 1st anniversary of my decree absolute and I have to admit that I had a few speculative moments about new relationships at the start - but once I gave myself a slap realised it was just a reaction to exH and OW I pulled back from the precipice and am happily single. Maybe one day - but not for a long time!

WisedupAGAINwoman · 07/05/2012 07:13

Haha! have finallly worked out how to do this naming thing.

It's all ok. I'm fine. Had a wobble, recovered, went shopping Grin.

The BEST thing is I didn't spiral downwards and I'm so pleased I survived to tell the tale!

Thank you again. Hopefully in the next few days there'll be good news about the settlement and the absolute, then it'll be chin up and tits out for a whole new life adventure!!!!!!

Saffysmum · 07/05/2012 07:58

I'm proud of you Wisey, because you saw the signs. You got out in time. This shows how far you've come. Good luck with the settlement and absolute. It seems such a long time (just over a year) for both of us to wait, but I keep telling myself I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang on in there, there's a great future for you just over the horizon.

x

Dozer · 08/05/2012 10:19

Ooooh, missed these updates, damn RL!

Wisey, not seen other thread, but like saffy think it's good that you took action when you realised he wasn't all you'd hoped. Onwards and upwards!

Brew xxx

Dozer · 08/05/2012 10:20

Love the gentle telling off you're getting for sneaky failure to disclose. MNetters must have total disclosure and have all-seeing eyes, not to mention THE FORCE, hee hee.

Dozer · 08/05/2012 10:37

Just read other thread Shock

You're well rid wisey. Please don't get back with NM, and change the locks. Adjust your twuntometer.

More red flags than a rally in China!

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