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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just kicked me

125 replies

Help1 · 02/08/2011 15:35

DS came home and was GRUMPY, I started unpacking the groceries and I had a go about the fact that he is miserable (AGAIN) when he walks in the door. He walks out the kitchen, I have my back to the door, he walks back in and kicks me from behind!! Full force on my back. I have no idea how to handle this. I yelled but the kids were there ( :( ) He is now sitting on the pc like nothing happened :( This happened about 15 minutes ago. Please, please help.

OP posts:
mumsamilitant · 02/08/2011 15:39

Sorry, but a bit confused, who kicked you? Your son or your husband?

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 15:39

Not at ALL acceptable. At all, ever. Both the physical assault, and now acting as though nothing untoward has happened.

Has he ever been aggressive to you before?

name-calling?
put-downs?
belittling your achievements or opinions?

shesgotherlipstickon · 02/08/2011 15:41

Erm call the police? What would you do if a stranger came upto you and booted you in the back?

He has assaulted you and seems rather complacent about it.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 15:41

Can he accept full responsibility for what he has done, as being unacceptable and never to be repeated? Without blaming his own actions on you?

Original poster
Help1 · 02/08/2011 15:41

sorry my DH

OP posts:
Original poster
Help1 · 02/08/2011 15:42

Yes he name calls and has pushed me but only once in 18 years and now this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Help1 · 02/08/2011 15:43

It feels so surreal. Kids are sitting doing homework, DH has now gone for a nap and I am sitting here thinking WTF just happened and what do I do?

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 02/08/2011 15:44

Call the police - tell him to leave and change the locks.
seriously, that's horrible - what a nasty thing to do - and from behind to where you couldn't see it coming.

fastweb · 02/08/2011 15:47

Coming out of the blue, with that level of force makes me concerned that you could be in for a repeat...I'd take the kids and go to the nearest safe place you can.

A friend, a relation, even the nearest shopping centre. And call in the people you care about to come help you.

Right now.

You don't need to think about what's next right this second, but you do need to put physical distance between him and you (and the kids) in case this out of character sudden violence decides to show its face again today, with no warning.

All the details about why etc come later, ditto the details about what next. For now the only consideration needs to be physical distance. And you need people around you that you KNOW aren't going to suddenly lamp you one.

Don't keep this a secret, tell the people you can lean on, let them help you put space between you and him till you have had time to catch your breath, think and work out what comes next.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 15:47

OK, so you are experiencing both verbal and physical abuse.

Time for some RL help.

Your options are many; here are some for you to consider:

  • talk to a trusted friend who will listen to you pour out your feelings
  • phone Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
  • go to GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor so you can talk your emotions through with a professional and decide what you want and what you need for your safety and happiness
  • call the police and report him
Winetimeisfinetime · 02/08/2011 15:48

What a despicable thing to do to you. I agree with Nancy, that would be a deal breaker for me.

PhilipJFry · 02/08/2011 15:50

This might be the first time but I very much doubt it will be the last. I'm really really sorry. He booted you, he's ignored the fact that he's done it, what does that say? That he doesn't care that he just physically assaulted you! He doesn't have a problem with having done it.

He will pretend it didn't it happen, you will be in shock, the silence about it will continue and then it will happen again. It's an awful pattern.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 15:54

I am very very sorry for what you are going through OP.
You did not deserve what happened. No-one deserves that kind of treatment.

You sound in shock (understandably!). I agree with PhilipJFry that your shock and his complacency may combine to make this incident get swept under the carpet -- is this what happened when he shoved you previously?

Please call Women's Aid, now. They will listen and help you talk through your feelings of shock. They are also well placed to give advice and help, if you want it.

The number is 0808 2000 247

VelvetSnow · 02/08/2011 15:54

I'm sorry this has happened, you must be so shocked right now.

I agree that you need to put some distance between you and DH right now.

Is there somewhere you can go - I bet he'll shit himself if he were to wake up and find you and the kids gone.

Horrible behaviour, I'm so sorry for you OP

Whatmeworry · 02/08/2011 15:55

I would call him somewhere private now, ask for an immediate explanation and apology, demand he takes some form of medical/counselling advice, and tell him the next time it happens the police will be called, the relationship is over and he is out.

Whatmeworry · 02/08/2011 15:56

oh...and if he storms out, change the locks.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 02/08/2011 15:56

Oh wow! OP this is serious. I would take the advice of fastweb and ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow then getting you and your children out of there ASAP. Give yourselves some time and space to consider your options in a safe environment.

From what little you have posted it sounds like escalating violence and your DH is a person with a problem.

shesgotherlipstickon · 02/08/2011 15:57

WA, won't speak to you if he is in the house. I'd just call the police tbh, whilst he was in bed and get him arrested.

If it came out of the blue, he could do it worse, later. What a nasty man.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 16:09

OP, is there a friend whose house you could go to with DC, and make a call to Women's Aid from there?

If you think you cannot turn up on a friend's doorstep like this, and that they surely would not want to get involved in your personal problems, think again: any good, decent person will be GLAD to give you the help they can, and very glad that you turned to them for help rather than stay on your own with this horribleness.

I speak from experience, if that helps. Never hesitate to ask for help: it is never an admission of weakness; it means you have the strength to know what you need, and to know who to ask it from.

We're here rooting for you.

TheOriginalFAB · 02/08/2011 16:13

Bloody hell Sad.

I have no idea what to advise you to do.

I am imagining if dh did it to me, would I kick him out and I feel I woulnd't BlushBlush. Very hard to just end things like that.

You must take some time and space to think about what you want to do.

Take care Sad.

walkersmum · 02/08/2011 16:22

Please put some distance between you now, take the children and go somewhere safe.

Confrontation may make it worse. It doesn't matter why he did it. Leave quietly, just pop out.

Think about the children and go.

Hugs

PeppermintPasty · 02/08/2011 16:34

Are you ok right NOW OP? Hopefully talking to the police? Tell us you're ok when you can. Echo everyone else, absolutely totally unacceptable, he needs kicking out. And that's not meant to be a pun btw. Hope you're ok.

essexmumma · 02/08/2011 16:38

Tell him to get out or you will call the police. Show him you will not accept that behaviour- hopefully the shock will make him see he can't act like that.

Big hugs!

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 02/08/2011 16:45

This is one of those threads where I really hope we get an update.

Crossing my fingers for you OP.

barbiegrows · 02/08/2011 16:47

If he's there, tell him you have to go back to the shop or find an excuse to leave. Report what has happened to the police - by phone or in person. Don't tell him you have done this. Contact Womens Aid and they will give you more advice 0808 2000 247.

This is completely unacceptable behaviour, he knows this and that's why he is pretending it hasn't happened. Report it now or he will deny it in the future.

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