DH just kicked me

[Help1]

DS came home and was GRUMPY, I started unpacking the groceries and I had a go about the fact that he is miserable (AGAIN) when he walks in the door. He walks out the kitchen, I have my back to the door, he walks back in and kicks me from behind!! Full force on my back. I have no idea how to handle this. I yelled but the kids were there ( :( ) He is now sitting on the pc like nothing happened :( This happened about 15 minutes ago. Please, please help.

There are many more experienced people than I on here but just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of taking your DC and getting away. Even if you have to go to a Travelodge or something. It's the holidays so you don't need to worry about school. You need time to think and some space to reset what is normal.

This is not normal and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Any woman can end up in an abusive relationship - rich or poor, posh or not, professional or minimum wage. There is no shame in it for you, the only person who should be ashamed is him.

As you could cause someone severe internal injuries by kicking them in the back and without making them bleed, I'm not sure I think that's the best measure as to whether this assault was "not that bad" . I suspect if you'd kicked him the knackers without drawing blood he would not be saying "oh well, no harm no foul. As long as you're sorry, eh?".

Help1, are you bruised or sore today? It's very important you get yourself checked out medically if you are. Never mind any misplaced sense of embarrassment, this is too important, even if you choose not to pursue things with the police.

OK Help. If I went to my Dad (or Mum) and said my DH had deliberately kicked me in the back and hadn't really apologised they would be at my house as soon as they could taking me and DS away. This is not acceptable and you are not getting the correct messages from those around you.

It is NOT your job to placate your husband and de-stress him. It IS his job to behave correctly. Your version of normal has been skewed, definitely.

There are so many red flags here:

Escalating violence
Abusive language
Not apologising properly (or really showing remorse)
Isolation from friends and not socialising
Parents backing up your DH (which is what your Dad is doing).

You need some real life help, and quickly. Please speak to Women's Aid.

THIS IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE.

puzzle I am bruised and very tender (oddly it feels like my whole body is sore). I do have a very runny tummy this morning and can only think it is stress? I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest like my heart is literally heavy.

That's absolutely appalling, no excuses at all. I don't care how stressed he is. DP and I have both been through some difficult and stressful times (work, family etc) and while we might have occasionally been a bit irritable/snappy neither of us have EVER physically assaulted the other or even thought of such a thing. Never. It's absolutely unthinkable and just would not happen - and I'm pretty sure would mean the end of the relationship if it did. Kicking, shoving, twisting your arm painfully - that's just not normal or acceptable at all, not for any reason. Absolutely not.

Really shocked your dad told you to 'sit down and talk' rather than 'get out of there right now and call the police' which would seem the more obvious response to me, especially when it's his own child being hurt!

Is there anywhere safe you can go? I seriously would report it to the police. Do you have any bruises or scrapes or other marks where he kicked you? If so can you get someone to take a photo?

I'm with Annie and also fuming on your behalf. Your dad should be totally on your side and the fact he isn't may go some way to explaining how you begin to think of your DH's behaviour as normal.

Just because your dad seems to be backing up your partner's appalling behaviour as being in some way acceptable really doesn't mean it is.

Listen to all the wise ladies on here who KNOW it's not right, it's not normal, nothing you did caused it and nothing you can do can make him better.

IT'S ALL HIS FAULT.

Help - please, please, please get checked out. I don't know where his foot landed but if he kicked you full force in the back he could have cracked a rib (which can puncture a lung), or damaged your spleen or a kidney.

Is there anyone you can leave your children with while you go to A&E?

I think your Dad's "advice" explains a lot.

Is this how you have been brought up to think, this might be your issue? WRT to the "real world", "rose tinted specs", "that it sounds worse written down".

This is not normal AT ALL. I think you urgently need to speak to WA and your GP, get some help, support and counselling.

Oh and your dad is an arse and putting my cod-psychology hat on, his warped view on how it is okay for men to behave when they're stressed is not going to have had a very good effect on your compass of what is normal behaviour in relationships

Just saw your latest post - I think you should get medically checked out if you're not feeling quite right. Can you go to your GP or walk-in centre?

Quite possibly it is just stress (affects me like that too!) but it would be good to get checked. And show them any bruises and tell them how it happened. It's no bad thing for this to be on record for future reference.

If you are in pain and tender, you should really seek medical help. A kick to the back can cause organ damage.

It's already escalating. Name calling, then pushing, then arm twisting, now a full force kick to the back. What's next?
Others posting on here have given good advice. This vile excuse for a man is not fit to be a husband or father.

OP even if you do nothing else today, PLEASE go and get yourself checked out medically. He could have done you some serious internal damage; just because you are not bleeding on the inside, does not mean that you are not bleeding internally. Go to a walk-in centre or A+E, but please do it NOW.

The symptoms you are now obviously displaying is your body's way of telling you to get some medical help. I don't want to scare you, but if he has done some damage to your internal organs, particularly your kidneys, there is a very small timeframe of getting treatment before the damage is irreversible.

Please, please get yourself checked out by a doctor NOW!

...bleeding on the outside

He is a pig and a lowt. He is a nasty bit of work. I have tolerated physical violence from men, and it is absolutely awful. It isnt acceptable and you must not just stay and put up with this degrading treatment. Dont let your self esteem drop just to save a marriage for the kids. Children shouldnt see this bad behaviour.

He is abusive, he has assaulted you in the most disgusting way, and you must not put up with this. What will it be next time. ?
He could have broken you back etc.
I hope you are ok.

Be strong, stand up to his bullying and tell him firmly you are not tolerating his aggressive behaviour .

"I called my Dad last night and he suggested I sit down with DH and chat to him as he must be having some stress. He asked me if we were having financial difficulties because that would explain his behaviour"

Bloody Hell!

Your father sounds like a chauvanist, sorry. Do NOT listen to him.

I daresay you feel like you have absolutely no one to turn to right now. But please, please, PLEASE do at least ring Womens Aid or phone your local police station and report him. Maybe you won't feel strong enough to actually bring charges but the small steps are important.

I think that after 18 years you've forgotton who you are, which is easily done. You need to get ANGRY. Please leave. I saw my mother go through this and the results were not nice. Don't risk your children seeing the things I had to. Protect them and yourself.

Your husband maybe a good provider, dad, lover, handyman. But all of that means nothing if he is also a BULLY who gets pleasure from hurting you.

I have tears now, your DC's childhood, is my childhood, big dad, never quite apologising, mum backing down, we kids feeling so scared we couldn't mix with other children etc

Never knowing when he came through the door what sort of mood dad would be in, sometimes he would be OK for months and then it would start again, verbal abuse and we just waited for him to get violent, it got worse.

As grown ups we all suffer with bouts of depression. PLEASE for your childrens sake be strong, they should not have to experience this. There is lots of advice on here about who to call, leave, give your children a sense that you are protecting them from having to deal with this. They deserve to be happy.

Help1

I know what it is like when your entire sense of normal is up the creek. There is a little trick that help sort out an appropriate response to a non appropriate response.

Would I take this back to a doc if it HADN'T been my husband who kicked me ?

Would I seek outside help to get me away from somebody who had kicked me in the back if it WASN'T my husband doing the kicking ?

Would I move mountains to get my daughter away from her husband and to the doc and help if SHE were the one who had been kicked in the back by her husband ?

If you don't know what to do, make it about somebody you love instead of you, take your husband out of the equation and then see what the answers are as to what you should do for the best.

That is you best guide to making the right choices is your own radar has been screwed up by circs and somebody's intent.

OP, you say your children aren't happy. Are they afraid of their father?

Your own dad's response was awful. His request for you to sit down and discuss stress levels with someone who'd kicked you in the back was completely unfair and unrealistic. If your husband was someone who could sit down and discuss things, he wouldn't have hit you.

I think you need to go to the hospital and have your back seen. Then I think you should contact the police and ask them to be there whilst your husband leaves. I don't think he'll go willingly and I don't think your dad will either use or ornament in getting your husband to leave.

Please take everyone's advice.
This is serious.Not normal.

Your Dads' advice is shocking.I agree with the posters who say that his response suggests violent,misogynistic behaviour is perhaps "normal" to him and that this could be why you have experienced your husbands' behaviour as normal - when he calls you names etc.

Please get RL help.It will be difficult,but you are at the start of a road to a safer,calmer and happier life.

If you have no friends nearby it can be difficult to get perspective, but that is what MN is here for. Listen to everyone on here who is telling you what a friend would.

If this was happening to one of my friends I would be straight round to her house with my Dh and we would get her and her kids out.

Please find an outsider to talk to who can help you to understand that this is not normal, it is not ok, and you have other options. See a doctor.

Get away for a couple of days with your kids and think about what you want to do. Ending a marriage of 18 years is a massive step, and I think people on here can be a little bit dismissive of what that means, regardless of how unhappy you have been. Taking some time away will give you the space to take that on board and think clearly about what you need to do.

Please keep posting. You will get lots of good advice, and it can help to have others confirm that you are not overreacting and that your feelings are valid and important.

And see a doctor.

Help1 - please get help now before you get sucked into a false sense of security. You will only get the right help from a professional organisation like Womens Aid. You MUST go to the doctors or the police to report what has happened. They will not go in all guns blazing, they will look at your situation and see if they can HELP you.

What is surprising here is that something is stopping you from reporting this assault. Whatever it is, shake it off and go and get help. Don't talk to DP about it, or your father.

Help1, please please do the right thing; that is, call Women's Aid, call the cops, get your back checked. At the very very least get your back checked.

You have admitted you've lost sight of normal behaviour. You will remember what normal behaviour is if you stop this now or it will get worse, and you will think that hitting you with a baseball bat is normal and that 'you asked for it' and you will believe that it is all your fault because you wind him up and if you behave like a mouse then it'll please him and he'll be nice, but he won't. He won't ever be nice. Ever ever ever.

no it isnt that you made him - and yes is classic line said to me by my exP.

who did the same kind of kick too - tho i was on my way out anyway to visit relative - i grabbed a few more things and stayed there the night and we moved out next day (i had planned to move anyway jsut brought it forward).
he was also a brekaing objects kinda person - it is intimidating adn it isnt normal.

call womens aid.
talk thru everything
go to GP and record the assault there - tell them the truth about what happened

think about speaking to police - just to get it recorded there.

i actually dont think they will charge him unless you actually do have injuries but they may talk to him - which may make him angry - which is why you ened an escape plan

is there some place you can go to get away for a few days with DC?