Does time really heal this terrible pain? 24 year marriage ended.

[drfayray]

I have already posted re: asking DH to leave. This is really a different topic. My 24 year long marriage is over as DH has been having an affair for a year and a half. He doesn't want to be married anymore. We have two children, DS15 and DD 13.

I am feeling the most dreadful pain. I am crying all the time and looking ghastly. I cannot believe that this marriage is over. I cannot even begin to work out how to split things up. Everything we own is from the marriage.

The past seven months (I found out in January) have been absolutely dreadful but now it is worse as it is a certainty. Before now, there was a shred of hope that we could continue but his refusal to stop seeing this OW and not wanting to seek counselling OR really do anything to work at the marriage is a clear signal that I have to accept the end.

I feel like I am flailing around helplessly. I have support in my doctor, my psychologist and my friends but I feel so very alone.

He is not being unreasonable re: money (well so far) so it is not about that. It is about how am I to cope with this? I cannot bear it.

There are so many people here who have gone through so much and I would appreciate some advice.

I want to go back to being the lively, happy, cheerful and great person I used to be. Not this wreck of a scowling, angry, bitter and heartbroken thing I am right now.

Thank you.

drfay I was just catching up with your thread (I've namechanged since my last contribution...hair is still looking good )

I'm am so happy to see you are feeling so positive. I'm a great believer in fate and sometimes these awful things happen to give us a huge kick up the bum and evaluate our lives. Great things ahead

So DrFay moves to being "Ms Empowered" - you go girl!

Now exactly what is in this here water (yes, in the UK and Aus)? The sap seems to be rising in all of us...

xx

Yes it does B&A!

Thank you all for the lovely messages. I feel so great atm.

My psych was really happy with me. She said I looked beautiful and glowing! I had on great clothes and accessories (as is my way ). I have lost some weight and I just feel great.

She said I have turned a corner but not to forget how very hard the past months have been. Actually i want to go through this thread from the beginning to see how far I HAVE come. Not right now but soon.

I said to her that I know I do not love ABCKF anymore and that I feel free.

My emails with the WolfMan are going very well. I think I might have a new career writing soft porn for women . Nothing is going to happen from this. I just like that fact that I have a libido that I had forgotten about.

My plans are still for after the Christmas holidays when I return from Singapore. Then I will enter the dating scene. And see what happens.

Do any of you want to see what I write to WolfMan..out of curiousity. It is quite hot actually. Well I think so and he does too .

Take care everyone!
xxxx

Hi there! just catching up with the last couple of pages...wow!! Great news.

My favourite bit is where you made the decision not to have to see ABCKF any more...really good move. He can't hold you back any more

Have fun with the dating thing!

ooh yes please on your new found writing talents!!

Yes, please enlighten us.

DrFay you sound so good, it cheers me up & makes me feel better just to know you are in a better place.

The sap is rising and we are all being dragged onwards & upwards by B&A & Wisey I think.

Come out, come out where ever you are ...

Hey DrFay put down your lupine porn and give us an update girl!

xx

DrFAY are you there??

I'm having visions of you passing out over all this hot Wolfman banter and lying on the floor somewhere with a rosy flush on your cheeks!

Share DrFay share..........

I think she may have come over all unnecessary..

Reminds me of an old favourite..
Doctor. I find that i orgasm when i sneeze. Is there anything i can take for it?
Yes. Madam. pepper.

Hope u r ok Dr Fay.

Hi dear friends...I have been very very busy .

First of all, I feel fantastic! I have been eating well, going to the gym (got a trainer now who is just lovely and keeps saying how amazing I am to be so motivated and forward-looking). I love her! I am losing quite a lot of weight and my skin looks great. I have been told that I am glowing and I believe I am. People also think I am 10 years younger than I actually am!!!!

I feel so happy.

I have stopped with the WolfMan, mainly because a close friend said something which made me feel rather bad about the whole thing. He is 31 and put that he was interested in 31-55 women. Now I put down my age which 49. He contacted me and his pix shows him to look young. But he isn't (as far as I can go with the information he gave me). Friend was shocked by youth and asked if I actually put my real age (I did) and then made a reference to her son who is 25 (I think) she also called me a pedo. So that spoilt the whole thing, really. It was just a bit of fun and I wasn't going to do anything more than a bit of dirty talk.

BUT I did get contacts from two men; one is 47 and a lawyer, and the other an architect who is 54. Now I am too busy with trips to rural and remote Qld and a major grant to write to actually meet up in person. But I am contacting them by email first and then the phone.

Now the lawyer is just fantastic. He does not want a serious relationship and neither do I. He gets that I am ambitious and work hard and he finds that very sexy. Well we have been having the most erotic and downright dirty chats. On email, msn and on the phone. He woke me up at 5.30am this morning to talk about his ummm state after talking with me last night. And he has been sending me erotic demands all day! That is not so good as it is very distracting. Also he writes about what he is thinking about doing to me while he is in court. FFS!

Just what the doctor needs .

The architect is very sweet and very keen on me. But I do not want a partner or husband thank you. I want the sex crazy lawyer!! But I am nice to him as I AM a nice person.

I am meeting both in the week before Christmas when everything is settled work wise. But it is lawyer man that I am interested in. We are getting to know each other very well, he is happy to wait. He gets how important my job is to me. I like that. And he is so smart..that appeals to me. I like how he gets my comments and allusions, and writes back so well.

Perhaps this is too much information. But I am just so happy I have to share. I have found someone who gets me and what I want. That is so wonderful!!!!

Hark at me!

I MUST read through this whole thread again.

Oh and the house is on the market and the extra car has been sold. I am seeing sol next tuesday.
Everything is looking good.

Work couldn't be better. Both bosses are VERY pleased with me. The trip to rural and remote Qld was a huge success. Everything worked out. They think I am fabulous...maybe I am.

Oh the sperm donor came round to pick up some stuff and I did not cry nor even feel anything. I just do not want to see his face. Besides I am just too busy right now

So the update of this doctor: Regeneration going vair well...

I am so pleased for you, Dr Fay!

Your happiness shines like a lighthouse through your posts.

LM sounds good as a FWB. Dip your toes in the stream and see what happens.

Betty X

Oh, and as for your 'friend' telling you that you are a pedo, that is uncalled for and, frankly, none of her fucking business.

You would be perfectly entitled to tell her to go off to the far side of fuck.

Agree with you, Betty; that's kind of weird. I mean, a 31-year-old man, a child? Where does that come from? For a start he's 6 years older than her precious baby, who himself has been an adult for some 7 years and in fact has been "legal" for 9. No jury in the land would convict you! Perhaps she's projecting a bit about how she'd feel if her son married a woman who is realistically rather too old to give her grandchildren, but that's a bit of a stretch from having a fling with a man in his 30s, frankly. Maybe she's a bit afraid of the "new you"!

Congratulations on your successful voyage of self-discovery, anyway. It couldn't happen to a more deserving person. Maybe you owe a vote of thanks to the sperm donor for fecking off out of it... or maybe not!

The comment was made in an msn conversation that I was also part of. It was a JOKE, after the friend (and she has been an amazing friend to DrFayRay for a long time, actually) and I both remarked that wolfman LOOKED younger than 31. I am 100% certain no offense was intended.

Sorry J, but I cant sit back and watch MN rip her apart. Not cool.

Oh, I'll let her off then, sounds like something I'd say myself without meaning anything by it. The way it was reported it sounded as though she were serious.

Epic, i note your comment and clearly do not want to distract this thread from what is a master class in how someone can 'heal', if that is the right word. I was just incensed because It seems from Dr Fays message that she was quite knocked by it - per "so that spoilt the whole thing, really". If it was in jest, Dr Fay appears not to see it that way. Apologies if I have, in the words of GW Bush 'misunderestimated the situation'....

Betty.

Epicfail is right, that friend has been a ROCK to me. She really has. I could not have gone through all I have without her loving support.

But I must be honest. Those comments did hurt. They made me feel horrid. Really. Because it was naughty and really I have not been interested in sex for so long. WolfMan and my exchanges were super hot and it made me realise that there is a life for me after all. WolfMan found me pretty. I have not been told I am pretty for a very long time. ABCKF made me feel very ugly.

I just wish she hadn't mentioned her son. That made me feel really bad. And maybe pedo was said in jest. Sadly I did not see it like that.

I shared everything with these friends. EVERYTHING. Now I feel that I cannot really share some of the things I have been up to because of that.

That is all. Please don't slate her. She doesn't deserve it. She is too lovely for that. I wrote what happened as I saw it because it is part of my narrative here.

DrFay

Your update is so bright and exciting. I was so hoping that the reason why you had been off-line for a while was because life was, well, becoming OK but it looks like it's becoming more than OK, which is fantastic.

I love your reference to "the sperm donor". I bet he has noticed a real difference in you, both your appearance and your demeanour and I bet it's shaken him. Good for you.

So Wolfman has fallen by the wayside and now you have the horny lawyer plus a spare. How utterly luscious for you. Brains and hot hot chat. I'm just loving this. I CANNOT believe your transformation, it really is the best. Really.

As for your friend and her comment on Wolfman, I am sure she only said it with your best interests at heart and I bet it came out wrong. Do you know, the number of times I've said something, intending to convey one message, when all that came out was something crass, and I just felt mortified afterwards?

It would be such a shame to moderate what you feel you can say to your friends, and given that she's been such an amazing friend to you, why don't you mention it to her? Pick your moment and gently tell her that she really hurt you and that by anyone's calculation Wolfman was big enough and ugly enough to look after himself. I bet she'll say "yeah, it all came out wrong and I went too far". Anyway, 'nuff said on that one.

So, stay bright, stay gorgeous and lap up the adoration and compliments. Such positive talk does make a girl feel good.

Media Man has been very generous with his compliments for me which has made me feel great. In fact ... when I saw him at the weekend he said he'd told a mate about me and when asked what I was like he said: "she's a bit like Liz Hurley". In Wisey's words: "Arf". In my words: "Where's the white stick" but I loved that comment and I might just have fanned my peacock's tail for a moment.

A toast : to MNers, to RL rocks, hot lawyers and compliments.

xx

Thanks B&A! Lovely post from you...and the others too, of course. And B&A..Arf arf!!

My colleagues at work are being very supportive of me. They think I am the most positive person they have met and my boss actually said that I bring a positive aura to the workplace. Isn't that nice? They do not know about FuckingSexyLawyer (FSL) .

Well, things are ..umm...going well there. Very well.

The texts are distracting. But in a good way. He is very creative actually. But so am I.

I have not felt this way in years.

Since some of you were interested in my attempts at wolfsoftporn, I will post some here for your enjoyment. Please do not be too critical but give me some feedback...I will also post his words...

From HIM:
My fangs are bared because I interpreted your growl as a challenge to my leadership of the pack.

Your claws don't scare me, I welcome the challenge.

Now we must wrestle to determine who rules.

You are feisty but I reckon I can tame you.

From ME:
Oh I think you have misunderstood my intentions WolfMan. I would never dare challenge the alpha male. I am just asserting my right to be noticed by you. I can be quite submissive if I have to. Especially if I am being taught a lesson I obviously deserve.

It might take a lot of teaching though. And I still bite...and nip and nibble if I need to............

A bit more...

From ME:
You excite me too Wolfman. After biting on your lower lip..first gently and then harder...much harder, I trace the line of your jaw with the tip of my tongue. I feel your heartbeat on the side of your throat just under your ear. Am I wrong to imagine that it is beating much faster, WolfMan?

I do not think so.

And how I would kiss him:
Is it wrong WolfMan to want to bite and suck on your lower lip?

Would that earn me a snarl or even a bite back? I have full soft lips when they are not curled around my very sharp teeth.

It might hurt WolfMan........but there is no pleasure without pain.

There you go!

wow! You sound in a great place! I don't see anything but a bit of fun here.

I would put your friend's comment down to experience. She clearly meant no offence bit you are still in quite a vulnerable place (albeit a fun and exciting one [hgrin])

just give yourself some emotional cushioning.

Oh oh oh... FSL and I are going to meet up sooner: in 6 weeks rather than before Christmas. We talk every night. And text many times throughout the day. We have a lot in common. But he is younger; just
turned 47 toy boy.

I am so happy right this minute.

Woo hoo! Go Dr Fay, go....[hsmile].
Shag him until his ears fall off.

Well time for a liddle update: FSL and I are no more, alas and alack but it is all good. I had a bit of fun; it was safe until he got a little weird. So that is that.

But boy was it fun!
And WolfMan is still emailing me once a week which is vair naice...

Work is going brilliantly but but but is very full on and I really have to pull back from my ummm fiesty activities otherwise I will be jobless! So back to concentrating on what is important.

That foray into the big wide world showed me that I am attractive and sexy and still alive!

I have been exercising hard (lost 10 kilos!!!) and eating extremely well. No crap for over 2 weeks and I am looking so much better for it. Have been told many times that I am glowing! I do have good skin (thank you mummy) but it is positively radiant. It is because I am so very happy with myself.

I saw my sol on Tuesday and all good. In fact first thing she said was that I looked amazing! Bless the woman. Scroteface has to pull his finger out though. House is on market with interest and I am hoping it will all settle soon.

Also I have been going to a spa for an hour long massage and then a spa and sauna afterwards. I started last week and had another today. I am going to do this every Sunday until Christmas. My therapist is a lovely woman who is helping me with my healing. And healing it is.

I am thinking: this year started out to be the very worst one of my life; I found out that my husband of 24 years has been a lying deceitful cheat for over a year. I thought my world was over. In fact, now I believe it is just beginning. I am looking forward to the end of this year with hope, pleasure and a sense of true happiness. I am happy within and without myself. I feel powerful, strong and wonderful.

All of you out there who are going through what I am; please take heart. You can survive this.

Thank you for this last comment DrFay which has given me some strength when I really need it. I am at the start of my journey (see thread on bootcamp for a broken heart) and it is very hard to see a way ahead right now. Your last sentence has given me some hope.

Oh innerstrength, I am so glad about that. I actually just write in here as a sort of record of what I have been going through. If it helps someone, anyone, then that is just fantastic.

Please take heart; it WILL get better. I never thought I would recover but I am better, stronger and more powerful now.

I have a positive aura about me; it is palpable and people have been commenting on it. I enjoy all aspects of my life; spending time with my beloved children, spending time with me (I am the best company ) and spending time with good friends. I stop and look around and just enjoy everything.

I refuse to let ANYTHING get me down. If I feel that things are getting a bit difficult then I pause, re=examine what it is that is bugging me, address it and move on with a smile on my face.

This self-care malarky that my psychologist recommended is the best thing. Going to the gym, having a trainer, eating just the best food for me, no alcohol (I am not a drinker so no hard yards there), getting regular massages and a mani-pedi has been wonderful. I do what I want.
(Bear in mind that my children do not suffer as their needs are always met but they are older and quite independent; they are pleased with the relaxed happy me as opposed to the wailing banshee)

I smile at everyone. Good job I live in Brisbane where people are generally friendly. I try to make people feel good.

I know that I will need to read this thread from the beginning but not yet. But it will be important to see how far I have come in this journey.

I may have lost a husband but I have found MYSELF