Sorry you're struggling DrFay. It was always going to be tough when he came and got his stuff.
Now, you still seem to harbour some notion that ABCKF is a decent chap at heart. I think you may have been playing ostrich with us on this one but get your head out of the sand and speak to a lawyer and understand exactly what you and the DCs are entitled to and make sure that whatever he is offering and you are agreeing is no less than that.
Before any one leaps in with the words "collaborative" I can assure you that I am not out to make lawyers rich and, personally, I can't bear the thought of a big legal battle over the assets, so no, I'm not trying to get you to "bleed ABCKF dry" or whatever other phrase comes to your mind. BUT it's clear you are worried about finances so make sure that you get what you are entitled to and don?t be scared or ashamed or finding out exactly what that is. You will not be wearing a label saying ?money grabbing bitch? if you do that. You will be wearing a label that says ?In charge of mine and my DC's destiny, armed with the facts? There is a reason why you are entitled to it you know and I don't see why OW should benefit in any way shape or form if you're left struggling and worrying.
If he's offering more than you're entitled to then that's good but don't go all Mills & Boons and think it's a secret sign from him about undying love - you ARE over that aren't you? Somehow you've got to trample on those embers of hope inside you. It really is fucking hard and fucking unfair and time and no contact will help with that.
As for fair amount of stuff, this means some stuff (or quite a bit of stuff?) is left. So, when's it going? You still have his crap to look at and trust me here DrFay, all the time you're looking at that stuff you're going to be in limbo, you really are. So far, it's all his way, isn't it? You have one spoilt brat on your hands if you ask me.
Your role is no longer to revolve around him as he lounges smugly in the centre of your universe. It strikes me that he has a great deal here:
He dictates to you when you he comes and clears stuff;
He doesn't take it all and will need to come back at his and OW's convenience (most certainly not your convenience);
You get a job (which is great) and he seems to see it as a sign that it takes the heat off of him to do the right thing by you financially;
He is not being kind to you when he offers you x, y, and z in financial settlement you know. Don?t think that way (I?m assuming you are ...);
Personally, I think he should pay 100% school fees for both kids.
Do you see where I'm coming from here? Put yourself in our shoes. I have a sneaky feeling you've got some bonnets and heaving bosoms in your heart of hearts and you?re hoping for a 180 degree turnaround from ABCKF. Tell me I'm wrong, please.
You do need some quickset concrete and fast but if you pour concrete over a surface that's not been properly prepared, the concrete just cracks. So I think you need to put the rest of his belongings in the shed or garage or some other outbuilding as soon as possible and then rearrange the house to suit your taste. That way if he comes when you're there he's the sad man outside getting his shabby belongings not the peacock strutting in to your home, giving a little tom cat spray to mark his territory as he walks through to pick and choose what he takes which means he gets to pick and choose when you can finally begin to heal properly. Come on, he's been picking and choosing since he first saw OW so don't let him carry on doing this in your space.
Here?s your action plan:
- Put the rest of his belongings in the shed or garage or some other outbuilding as soon as possible and then rearrange the house to suit your taste;
- Give him a deadline to pick up his stuff after which it goes to charity or in the garbage;
- MEAN IT DrFay, yes, I?m shouting at you there, sorry, it makes me feel guilty but you need stern words here. Tough shit if it?s not convenient for him. Things have been very inconvenient for you for far too long.
So exactly where have you got to with understanding what you and the DCs are legally entitled to? I need to know that DrFay because you cannot negotitate without a base line and that base line is your legal entitlement no more, no less. You need to know where the buck stops for you. This is not about revenge, skinning the bastard alive financially or anything else. It's about making sure that you get what you're entitled to. I don't want you to only take advice from friends here. So, have you actually appointed a solicitor who will act for you and if not, why not?
You did see a solicitor a while back didn?t you. I think you got a bunch of forms and stuff but did you figure out the baseline amount? I shall now see it as my duty to nag you about this I?m afraid. I want you to come back on here soon and say: ?OK, my sol has told me exactly what I?m entitled to as a minimum and that?s the point from which I negotiate with ABCKF?.
When you get home tonight have a good cry over what has happened. Have a good cry over the hurt of the weekend because it is hard and it does hurt and if you can?t face being tough tonight then don?t be. Eat ice cream and chocolate 
.
Come on DrFay we are all rooting for you out here in computer-land. Put some poison ivy on your lapel, just for ABCKF.
Sorry if this is a tad grumpy and repetitive. I know it hurts but you are one hell of a woman but you will struggle to become even more amazing if you don't sort out what you're entitled to and get his stuff out of your house.
Arse-kicking hectoring nag-fest officially over. xx