The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

one AVRT link

Another link

I think something that helps hugely is this sort of big site where you can get a sense of what other people do and expect. When I was drinking a lot I was in a dodgy relationship - he never hit me so I didn't realize it was abusive, but he used my money (he owes me a few grand now), wrecked my confidence, isolated me from friends and family, lied to me, etc. etc. - if I'd been on MN I would have realized that there were warning signs and actually, I couldn't blame it all on the fact that I rank so perhaps deserved it. Now I am sober I'm looking back and realizing that it really wasn't normal to be so nervous and panicked all the time (alcohol will do that), and that a person who homes in on nervous women is perhaps doing so on purpose.

It's that sort of thing that I really notice - that although I was in many ways a functioning alcoholic, there were signs I wasn't coping and certainly signs I was vulnerable. Luckily my DH is lovely, but he admits that when I drink I am massively over-apologetic about it to the point where it was almost crippling in itself. I ended up thinking 'I'm a terrible person because I drink and can't stop ... the only thing that will calm me down is another drink'.

Not too bright, am I?!

Fairenuff I know what you mean about your kids, I can see my dd1 (14) going down that route already. I've found small vodka bottles in her bedroom and we've had problems with drugs too. Essentially though, other than confiscating alcohol and drugs from her if she has them in the house there isn't a whole lot else we can do. She knows I go to AA so she's aware that it's a problem for me and what drinking regularly/too much can lead to. If she does end up down the same road then it has to be entirely up to her to find a solution as with any addict.

I don't think there's much point in wishing you had those years back. You probably did have some good times and those times have shaped who you are now. Try to think positively and look forwards not back?

haven't heard of it golly.

sorry silent i missed your post. families

no worries lrd. probably don't need to get too 'heady' about it at this stage anyway.

duh! missed a page somehow.

my parents were the give a kid a drink type too. they now do it with my neice and nephews (my sister too) - not loads but a mini glass of champagne at christmas, letting them taste stuff etc. i wish they wouldn't. i think for some kids it probably does de-mystify and blah blah but for some of us it just conditions us to alcohol, gives us a taste for it and a normality to seeking 'highs' - you know the brain chemistry of it and everything.

thanks for links - will read later as of to this party soon - feeling really nervous bizarrely.

i don't think there is any point looking back and wishing you had time back. it just isn't possible and all it does is waste more time you know? better to grab life now than waste even more looking back and regretting.

right, i is off. thanks everyone for the support.

just checking in - still here

Hi, have drunk for last 3 days. Will not today. Will be back later

Morning MsGee. Today is the only day we've got. Draw a line under it, because feeling bad about it will only take you back to another drink in my experience. Letting yourself feel is bloody hard though isn't it :( but I am sure it will get better for you and for me with time, I am just so impatient!

ma good to see you lovely, though it doesn't take a wild leap of faith to assume things are still not good with you? I am thinking of you, remember we are here to listen whether you are drinking or not, happy or not, etc...

I had a good day yesterday :) it has been so long since I could say that. I actually lived in the day. I know that these good feelings too will pass but somehow I managed to enjoy them for what they were. Today I won't be drinking, I will be enjoying my DD, and doing some DIY (in a bit of a feminist, who needs a man, kind of a way).

Love to all and wishing you a happy sober Sunday x

hey

sounds good noteven - glad you had a good day. what DIY are you doing? i still need to finish laying tiles in the hall - have done all the easy bits now have the awkward edges and around things bits to do which means cutting them and not bodging it. i keep putting it off.

i drank at the party and i feel like shite today. i didn't engage in any denying or seeking more booze than anyone else and was relatively restrained. i also annoyed a friend but made her laugh by calling her on all of her BS on why she drinks. it was bizarre to listen to people talk about their drinking, basically every one of us there pretty much could have been classed as alcoholic or having a drinking problem and we all tell ourselves different stories about it, i was the one blowing the stories out of the water and insisting on being honest with ourselves. was interesting to talk about it with people. and for once it didn't make me think, see! i'm normal, this is normal etc but instead made me feel god we're all fucked up about booze.

demanding child in the room. back later.

Hi

Good luck today MsGee, one foot in front of the other! Do you have nice sweet things to eat in the house?

Hi SaF - you're probably much like me in that you've surrounded yourself with other alcoholics hence the company last night and the feeling that everyone is fucked up about alcohol. I'm beginning to see that it isn't true, it's just the people I've chosen to hang out with in order to justify my own drinking/not feel weird about my drinking. My social circle is changing now, slowly, and although it's weird not being surrounded by booze all the time it's also quite refreshing. I find it very odd that these people have been living like this (with minimal drink around) all these years whilst me and my cronies have been pissing it up against a wall

Off to the caravan shortly, I'm hoping the weather will hold!

(Hello, I am just leaving a selfish message for mouse, although I know she has gone away til Tues, because I am feeling mightily sorry for myself, although all is well, really. TMI alert.

I said last week that I had got stress-related excema. Well, it got worse and worse. All over feet and hands and a bit on right leg. By Thursday I ouldn't even pick up a can of coke without using both hands because of broken skin, so rang GP for appt next week, and wore those cotton gloves to stop scratching. By Friday my right foot was covered. By Saturday my right foot had just blown up, swollen, couldn't put a shoe on apart from too big croc, and up both calves, including a sort of running sore on one. That was when I was thinking of putting a shout out for mouse to ask about psoriasis. Was pretty concerned by then. Not a hypochondriac but starting to fear leprosy and ebola. This morning in was up both thighs and arms. Went straight to a and e, fortunately armed with 4 newspapers. The triage nurse saw me quickly and immediately isolated me in a cubicle.

I didn't know whether I was isolated for my own good or for everyone else's. I had forgotten to bring a pen or I would have started making my will. I could honestly sense it creeping up my thighs to my torso in the hours I was there. And it smelt weird, not sure what off, but the dog seems keen on the smell, which made me think of cancer, by Saturday. Because I read somewhere that dogs can smell cancer.

(At this point I would like to thank the Lord for the NHS. Four different drs had a look at me. They took blood. Then they tested the blood, which only took about 4 hours. I thought that it took days! Do the blood testers work on Sunday? Then they said the blood tests were clear, told me I had a streptococol infection (sp?), told me to see GP tomorrow to collect appt with dermatologist and gave me course of antibiotics.)

I know this is me me me but if you could see me, I look like something out of a horror movie. They kept asking me if I had difficulty passing water, which I don't. But by now it has crept past that area. But now I am 'on' the antibiotics, so the creeping of this discusting blistery rash should stop getting worse. I wish I had asked for a sleeping tablet because I am itchy, but not scratching (too scared that something will fall off) all night, but I was so grateful to be chucked out, and give them back their paediatric cubicle.

I am supposed to take 4 tablets a day and I have already taken two, which I shouldn't have done, but won't take anymore today. The one good bit was when they asked me about drinking and smoking and I said I hadn't had any alcohol for the last week and was on nicorettes.

DC at mum's. I hardly ever use the NHS but it was so wonderful today. Feeling very sore and itchy and irritable and just needed to spill. Yrs, leperwomanxx)

typos due to general crapness, cotton gloves and sore oozy sores on hands!

jemima you poor thing. A friend of mine had a similar experience, I think he was told that it was like blood poisoning which can be caused by streptococcus. It did clear up quickly once he was on antibiotics, although he was told that if the oral antibiotics didn't work quickly then they would give him intravenous antibiotics. Sleep well.

Thank you, Venus. I will not sleep well tonight because I am itchy as hell and sore as hell but I am sure, I really am sure, that it will be a bit better tomorrow due to antibiotics. Dp was pretty scared, too, to watch me slowly blow up. The scary thing was the way it got worse and worse, esp on Saturday when my right foot turned into a swollen red cartoon. I really thought it was just excema. It was sheer coincidence that the one day that I needed urgently to go to casualty I could give honest answers about drinking and smoking! :) Wouldn't have dared to lie by that stage, anyway. Hope the non-smoking is going well for Silent. Noteven, you are a nurse in the NHS, aren't you? I hope that you are appreciated! When my hands are better I will write a proper letter of thanks and cc it to management. I cannot thank the NHS enough. They said I should have gone in on Saturday, but I thougt it was bad excema, or something. Thank you, Venus. If only it were halloween, I could really have scared some children. I look absolutely scary. Dc at mum's until bleeding sores heal a bit, hopefully Wednesday.

Hope you managed to get some sleep at least jemima, and take it easy this week. Make the most of your rest opportunity while your dc are away.

sounds nasty jemima - hope the antibiotics quickly sort it out.

i didn't drink yesterday and won't be drinking today. happy monday everyone

SCF - I think you are doing brilliantly - are you at least a bit proud of yourself?!
jemima - it sounds truly horrible - I hope the antibiotics kick in soon. I am not a nurse (I think they are amazing though) but yes am NHS frontline. Off for a bit at the moment though trying to get a bit of resolution of the grief and some meaningful recovery.

Am quite boingy today - where did that come from?!! Hope all have a good sunny Monday.

jemima hope the ABs are starting to work today and you are feeling a bit better, it all sounds very scary (and uncomfortable).

SCF well done ... and good luck with the tiles.

noteven thank you - I didn't drink yesterday but ate a lot of sweets and feel much better today.

Happy Monday everyone

Morning, went to a friend's house for barbeque yesterday and had 3 vodkas and diet coke, halfway through the third drink I knew that if I had a 4th one we would have ended up finishing the bottle, so I made the decision that I would head home after finishing the 3rd one. This is a first for me! I would never leave drink behind me

damn the tiles! why mention the tiles? i'm in denial about the fact i don't have a full hall floor and just admire the middle bit

well done on walking away obrigada - know what you mean about not leaving a drink behind.

ok so yesterday i felt crap ALL day and night from having drank on saturday. i'm relieved saturday is behind me and there are no occasions upcoming.

i don't know about proud of myself, don't think so. i think i mostly feel relieved that i've gotten off of the drinking track. i only went 2 days and then drank at the party. i'm looking forward to seeing how not drinking all week feels if i can pull it off. i'm also hoping the scales might see a change too as during my drinking months this year i'd piled on a bit of weight that i really don't need.

obrigada - well done its impressive that you managed to walk away - I hope that you are feeling good that you can do that now?

SCF sorry ... tiles, what tiles? just squint your eyes to soft focus and you won't see the edges. I am going to try to not drink this week too. I am not fully committed to never drinking again but I know for now its not helping me. One day at a time ... how about we don't drink today and worry about tmrw in the morning

i'm with you on that msgee

Hurrah. I am also planning on going for a swim tmrw, this week I am going to try to exercise...

It was strange really, like a sudden feeling that I didn't want to get drunk, I wanted to go home and watch "The Lovely Bones", and remember it, instead of watching it with one eye open and one closed allowing me to focus on the telly, and then forget most of the film this morning. Instead I watched it with a mug of tea:)