The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

morning lrd

i've noticed that whilst i'm not waking up and bouncing out of bed instantly like a ready brek advert i am feeling brighter, quicker in the mornings. so i wake up and where i would normally have dozed and struggled to wake up for quite a while my resistance to actually waking up is pretty short and then i want to be out of bed.

not getting a really fair sense of it as i'm still full of cold but definitely feeling better than i was.

this afternoon is the family friend's party... hmm. i honestly don't think i'm likely to not drink. i'm kind of sad about that in a oh god i wish i didn't have to be near alcohol way. but i'm also realistic.

i don't think i'm ready to say i'll never drink. i'm also aware that that may mean i end up going round a few more turns on the merry go round before possibly finding that the never drinking is the only option for me. but in all honesty i guess mentally i'm not at that point yet but a part of me wishes i was.

i think i'm beginning to understand what people on here mean when they talk about the relief of finally just getting off the merry go round and not having to drink anymore.

anyway. i'm wondering whether there are compromises for today? start with a soft drink, limit my drinks? or just go and relax and accept i'm drinking but won't be tomorrow? not sure.

hope everyone got a lovely sober nights sleep. i discovered last night that i felt tired and it was a different kind of tired, just natural time to sleep now rather than groggy bleurgh got to lie down and feel knackered but not really sleep tired. hard to explain but i could feel the difference.

grr why can't i just say i won't drink?

fucking alcohol.

It is a bugger, isn't it?

Someone a fair few threads back told me your brain is constantly rationalizing your temptation to drink - you have to be very alert to it and aware that what sounds rational is probably not, if that makes sense.

FWIW, I was so far from the Ready Brek commercial stereotype it was ridiculous - I just wanted to sleep all the time. But I guess when you think how full of sugar alcohol is, I must have been on a permanent sugar high before.

it is a bugger. i'm beginning to realise just how exhausting a mental process the whole merry go round is. how much mental energy it must take to be denying things and rationalising them and burying your concern/shame/fear etc.

grr. and blah! etc.

Morning Babes

I am now back to gorgeous chocolate brown. All my grey/highlights are gone as is the ginger orange.

So, I am off to a weekend celebration, DH's birthday, BIL's 40th, and MIL is home from hospital so I have a feeling this weekend will feature drinking.

I'm with SCF in that I know I'll drink but how much and can I do a deal with the Devil in that I'll drink one night but not the next?

PROJECTING.

I'm going to go and pack and worry about drinking at drink o'clock.

Have a safe weekend Babes

Be back Tuesday xx

SCF do you have to go to the party. Could you cold suddenly get much worse (sore throat, feeling tired, etc.) Any chance you could stay home and avoid facing alcohol so soon?

have a lovely weekend mouse x

i do fairenuff. my ds really wants to go and my sister's children are looking forward to us being there.

I was wondering that faire - or can you drive there so you know you can't drink? I think walking into a party waving car keys and announcing loudly 'no, I'm driving' does really help - as does going straight to the bar and ordering a big drink of something soft, so you have to drink that before you could even think of anything else. And a drink in your hand stops people asing iff they can buy you c glass of wine, too, which iis good.

I do think it gets easier - you are resetting your brain chemistry so the longer you can stay sober the easier it is. That's why drinking in moderation is so hard - every time you have a bit the monster leaps into action demanding more.

But I have only been sober 5 months so I am still hoping I'm doing it right and I'm not sure there are any easy ways - maybe someone like MIFLAW will be along soon and will say more.

i don't drive unfortunately.

it is that monster. you know. i hate that once i start drinking (though it's not like this at home weirdly - at home i can have a drink and sip it all night) i just want more. my brain gets a bit obsessive about when my next drink is coming, how much is left in my glass, whether i can get another drink without seeming rude etc. at the end of the night it will be me who wants another glass and is shiftily looking around to see where the open bottle is and whether i can sneak another glass without being noticed.

i will be the one who doesn't know the night is over now and it's time to stop. that little monster is awake and wants to keep feeding.

5 months is brilliant btw lrd! what sort of changes in yourself, your life, your health etc have you noticed if you don't mind me asking?

I am going away on Sunday for a long anticipated break and I am so much looking forward to it. I will drink but this time I am armed with a ton of advice. I really, really, really, do not want to spoil this lovely treat. I know what kind of evening I want and what to expect from myself. For now, I can do no more than that.

Maybe print this thread and tuck it in your handbag SCF to refer to when you go to the loo That's what I'll be doing.

Well, I have been drinking too much all my adult life (bad, I know), so it was a fairly big change. I am a lot more calm - it's lovely not constantly thinking, 'what time is it, can I get another pint with my mates and still get to the off-license before it shuts for a bottle of wine to have at home', and not constantly trying to balance between drinking enough and not showing I was pissed. I think my skin is better and I look better - I haven't really lost weight but my face isn't puffy (gosh, I do sound attractive, right? ).

I find it harder to get work done, because I used to get pissed and race away doing the boring bits whereas no I have to slog at them, but I feel a lot more organized about the long-term plans and stuff like that. My memory is better. My libido has gone kaput, but I don't know if that's sobriety or the pills I'm on atm.

Something that is great is that I want children, and I was terrified I'd never be able to if I couldn't trust myself to stay sober for nine months plus, but actually now I'm pretty confident about it.

Healthwise, I was getting breathless easily and shaky - I wasn't getting over hangovers so easily any more, and I had a pain in my side. I don't know how much of that is hypochondria because I am paranoid when I'm drinking and would google alcoholism symptoms in a charming morbid fashion ... but I do feel a lot better now. I love not feeling guilty with my poor lovely DH that I was drinking too much.

One thing I really notice is that I was a mess, and hiding it quite nicely in some ways, but wouldn't have made some of teh daft decisions I made if I'd not been drinking. I love waking up in the morning and not having to think, 'what did I do last night', and getting a sick feeling that I did something stupid.

A funny thing is though, I'd read and heard that when you get sober, you realize that lots of the problems in your life were really caused by alcohol or by you trying to shift the blame off alcohol onto something else. But actually, I realized I'd been blaming myself and the alcohol a lot before, sort of semi-consciously thinking 'oh, I deserve this, I've been really drunk'. But now I look back and especially with a couple of things, I used to think it was my fault and now I'm thinking no, it really fucking wasn't, it was something being a total wanker and taking advantage of me. It's really, really good having that hindsight.

I don't know if that makes sense SaF but I've rambled on far too long now so will stop!

I drank too much last night and today I have a bit of a hangover. First day of the holidays! Yay! I think at parties, it feels easier sometimes to carry on drinking instead of saying, time to go home. It is sooo important to leave when you can!!! I'm still practicing that one.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, MrsGee.

3rd or 4th day of not smoking. So far so good.

Totally agree, silent - I have to push myself to accept I do not need to be the last person to leave, I can just get up and go!

I find some parties are frankly more boring sober - because you realize how boring some people are! - and when I'm not drinking I have to remind myself to just get up and leave rather than sit around for hours tempting myself with teh drinks.

(Ooh, for got to say - well done with the not smoking! )

I've done that too,LRD, taking responsibility for other peoples' crap behaviour. The man at the booze clinic said that most people who came through their doors used alcohol/drugs etc because of things beyond their control many of which started in childhood. My brother is around again. I don't think I can handle his lies. I find his behaviour abusive. I don't think he has ever learned how not to abuse. It's very very sad.

Afternoon

I'm off on holiday with my in laws (lovely people) for a few days tomorrow. We're staying at a caravan site that has it's own pub and for the last few days I've been toying with the idea that maybe I could have a pint at some point. Just one. My in laws don't know anything about me going to AA so that's not an issue. However, I've decided that it's clearly a ridiculous idea as the moment I have one I will want more and more and the last thing I want to do is make an arse of myself in front of them.

So, I shall be sticking to glasses of pepsi. I might even decline any offers of going to the pub, although there's a kids adventure playground next to it and it might be tricky saying no if the kids want to go there.

I'll have my phone with me so if I need any stern talkings to I shall come and find you lot, if that's ok.

no it's interesting lrd, thanks. i'm trying to digest what you're saying about changed perspective and the shifting the blame stuff.

where did you read good stuff?

congrats on the not smoking silent - stick with it! i can safely say the minute you start having 'just the one' you've lost the battle. i tried earlier this year.

hi golly good luck. have you been off the booze for long?

Hi SCF. I've been going to AA since mid March, but I've had a couple of relapses. I've stopped counting days and weeks, I think it's about three weeks since my last relapse? By not counting the time I've hoping I can sidestep the mental block I seem to have about getting past a certain length of time. I did nine weeks until my most recent relapse and I felt great! I had one stressful day and kaboom, got pissed I'm an idiot really because it didn't help matters and just made things worse.

so - stay away from the pub this weekend?

god it's such a pita. i reckon you're doing great and you would feel amazing if you managed to go on this break and not drink - i think it would be another hurdle passed and you'd be stronger for it.

i'm also aware of my hypocrisy

Like I said, it's going to be tricky to stay away from the pub because of the adventure playground - I will have two 11yr olds with me, one mine one my nephew. It's also highly likely that my M&FIL will want to pop in for a drink and they do barbecue nights there too. They have no issue with having one (small) glass of wine then going back to the caravan for an early night. I wish I was like that, but I'm not so I'll just have to suck it up

silent - I'm sorry to hear your brother is there. Is it an option to shut him out of your life? It sounds as if it is wearing you down to the point where you need to think about yourself first. I completely agree about the alcoholism/abuse thing, btw.

SaF - I'm sorry, unfortunately it's mostly been things people have linked to from these threads and I'm not quickly able to find anything. But I think these threads are absolutely brilliant for advice - I would not have got this far (or anywhere, maybe) without them. I know its a MN cliche, but the threads about 'toxic' or abusive parents (Stately Homes) gave me a lot to think about too - not all of it directly about parent/child relationships but also more generally about how to stop blaming yourself for things or letting other people take advantage. I think women are often socially conditioned to do these things, personally.

SaF (don't know whether to call you SaF or SCF now!

Have you tried using AVRT at all? I've been desperately googling to see if I can find the short description of it that I read from a link on here a while back. It's a brilliant technique and I got excellent results from it very quickly (a matter of days). I'll keep googling...

My family are all heavy drinkers. My parents were buying me lager in pubs when I was 14

Most of my friends drink a lot too. As do my colleagues at work. I thought this was normal until very recently. I knew I drank a lot but I didn't realise it was a problem.

People would joke about their hangovers, and the fact that they couldn't remember what they did. It was all like a 'jolly fun time', taking stupid pictures of each other falling about 'oh aren't we having a lovely old lark around'.

But whilst the youngsters can handle it, the oldies are falling by the wayside. Their bodies can't cope with the alcohol any more. The hangovers aren't worth the night before.

Now I'm an 'oldie' and feeling like my life has been a charade. I want those years back. I want to do it differently. I just hope my DC's don't follow in my footsteps.