What would you do??

[thesunshinesbrightly]

I want to do some part time bar work, my OH doesn't want me to...do i take the job or consider his feelings??

Don't worry about what he will tell people. If you don't have their numbers what about facebook?

Also, people are probably already aware of what a dick he is and are only keeping their distance because of that. I know with most of my friends when I got back in contact I expected them to say "Why would I want to speak to you? You completely blanked me!" when actually they said "Phew thank god you saw sense, we thought we'd lost you forever!"

And watch the video I linked! It still makes me laugh and cry :)

True, i should start adding people again if they accept me.
I watched half of it but it made me feel like ive got all of it to come and i dunno if i can face it but i shall watch it in the end, thank you Bertie you and others have been really helpful and thanks for the kick up the butt(in the kindest way) and making me realise i dont need to live like this at all.

this just gets worse ffs!!! Hope you can stick to it though petal?

Fair enough :)

If you don't want him to know you are adding people on facebook just yet, start with a private message. He won't be able to see that and he won't know unless they tell him. Little steps, and you'll make it. If you try to do it all at once it's going to be overwhelming. You've made a massive step forward into the light today, don't underestimate that.

What did I miss? Is he even controlling our FB account?

Did he make you take off people's numbers and defriend them on FB?

My advice would be to deactivate fb as it will just cause bother in the long run

He didn't make me..it was causing arguments because men i knew kept adding me and he deleted his friends and just has family on there now and he didn't see why i had to have friends on there when he never.

The phone numbers got deleted because they kept texting asking me to go out and i was getting questioned why i wasnt going out with them he was asking what they was texting me and who was texting me.

Sounds really bad when i write this

That was making you - causing such a fuss it was easier to give in. So he didn't physically hold your hand to press the buttons, but he manipulated you so you would - the 'see, I've deleted all my friends' emotional blackmail plus kicking off about who you had on there.

Buzzsore - i know but this isn't his fault... i shouldn't of give into him and ignored what he was doing, should of nipped it in the bud at the start.

That's because it is really bad. There's no need to be about it 'though - he's been wearing away your boundaries gradually, and you didn't want to see it because you didn't want to think badly of him. He's no doubt a master of making the unreasonable seem reasonable.

Yes it is really bad. You'll see it when you look back.

another controlling twat

sunshine, please listen to the voices of reason on this thread, who have your welfare in mind

this inadequate pillock doesn't care about you, he just wants to make himself a big man

don't let him do that at your cost

what a confined life you would lead, with him

is this what you want, really ?

controlling someone isn't love it is thinly-disguised contempt and hate

bail, and quickly

Jesus. H. Christ. On. A. Bike.

sunshine: It IS really bad. really, really, REALLY bad.

Drop this dickhead like a hot rock. He will ruin you if you stay with him.

Perhaps i am making it sound worse than it is, he does have good qualities,honest. It isn't like this every day.

denial, love

open your eyes

it will enhance your life, if you could just open your eyes

No i know it's bad i'm not denying that but it sounds even worse written down.
He is loving,caring, would do anything for me, buys me things(not that it matters) etc... he just doesnt know when he goes over the top, i'm sure he doesn't know how bad he is,think he needs a good talking to.

They never are like this every day, only when they can get away with it.

When they know they need to reel you back in, they turn on the charm.

Eventually, they realise that they don't need to be nice and are total arseholes ALL the time. By then, though, your self esteem is so devastated that you wouldn't be able to fight your way out of a wet paper bag, let alone that kind of all suffocating black hole of a relationship.

3yo's need a good talking to

grown men who already feel entitled to treat the person they are supposed to love and cherish with so little respect are a lost cause, I am afraid

stay with him of you like, but time will tell you that you are making a mistake

We spend out time brushing over this little slight, that little niggle. We ignore that bad bit, because that is not who he was when we met him...

We know he is a nice guy, cos he was SOOOO perfect in the beginning.

It's all fluff, all nonsense, all packaging, no product.

The nasty you see IS him, he is slowly allowing the real him to come through. Believe me.

He would do anything for you.... except allow you to have any friends, contact with family, a job, a life, freedom.... where exactly does loving and caring come into keeping you HOSTAGE?

HE DOES KNOW VERY WELL WHEN HE GOES OVER THE TOP, he just says he doesn't.

They ALL do this, they ALL say this, every single one of them

HerHissyness - I know what your all saying and thank you i just want him to change i dont want to leave him .

So there are days when you can call your friends and go out with them. When you can catch up with everyone on fb if you want to. When you can chose which job you'd like to do. When he has his own interests and hobbies and you can come together and chat about all the different things you've both been doing?

Even if there are days like this, OP, it's not enough. EVERY day should be like this.

And what AF said.