It's happened again...

[rockyroadtoruin]

A month ago my DH came home drunk. he took a dislike to something I said and hit me. At the time he said I deserved it and called me some foul names but once he sobered up the next day he was very sorry for what he did and promised it was a one off.

I was in complete shock as he had never been violent before, plus we have a 2 year old DD and baby on the way who I have to think about so I forgave him. Maybe I am naive but I thought that would be the end of it.???

After work tonight he had two friends round, they had some drinks and we were all chatting and having a bit of a laugh. but when they left he snapped.
He shouted that I had made him look like a complete fool and I had been flirting with his friend. I tried asking what he was talking about but he said I disgust him.he told me to get away from him and pushed me backwards onto the chair

I don't know what to do. I don't think I can cope with two children on my own. Can I make him change? Will counselling help?

'He's a complete mess, he's not even capable of hurting me. I don't think I can leave him like this.'

Are you saying this because he is drunk atm, or because mentally he is in a mess?

Does it really matter which?

dont listen to him, dont help him to bed etc. leave him to sort himself out. you dont need another child.

go out early tomorrow to friends/family and leave him on his own.

He's so drunk he can barely walk. I don't know how to deal with it anymore. Even when he's sober he won't talk to me and tell me what's going on in his head. How am I supposed to help him if he won't let me in?

He is capable of hurting you. He has done so before, more than once.

He is just sorry for what he has done now while you are saying enough. As soon as you forgive him he will know he can do it again and again.

Each time he will be sorry less and less.

You will end up alone with him, not having friends around, not even being able to look up when you are out inc ase you are 'looking at a man'. You will have to account for every second you are out of the house away from him because you were 'probably out flirting or worse'.

If you stay right now he has no reason to get help and change so he won't.

He will only get the help he needs if you go. He has to go through the help and prove to you he is serious and a changed man before you should consider living with him again.

If you don't do this for yourself do it for your DD who will grow up to follow your footsteps because this is what you have taught her to expect and what women are worth in relationships.

You can't help him. He patently doesn't want you to. Please find a safe place in the house to sleep (in with dd again?) and perhaps call a friend to watch over him. There is every danger he could sober up a bit and then be capable of violence.

The whole purpose of getting incapably drunk is so that you would pity him rather than be afraid of him or angry with him. I suspect tomorrow morning it's going to be your fault he went out and got pissed, perhaps because of your 'untrue allegations' this morning.

rockyroad what others have said. You cannot help him. Only he can do it.

The ones you can help are yourself, your DD and your unborn child.

Please focus on your children and yourself now and what you need to do.

I wish you all the best of luck xx

It's great that you've seen the midwife and all is well. That must have taken some guts to go. Why did you say you wanted to see her?

Also really good news that you have spoken to WA. They will give you really good support if you speak to them. They'll sort out all the practicalities for you too if you ask them to.

You can take your phone to bed if you're worried about him waking later. You can put 999 on a direct dial number so you can just press it to get through.

Try to relax Rockyroad, you will feel clearer about what you should do if you can take a step back. Keep posting. x

Rocky - LEAVE NOW!!!

You need to consider your children first in all of this you say he is too drunk to hurt you, but the last two times he has hurt you he was also drunk.

Do you want your DD wake up to hear/see you being hurt?

Do you want your unborn child's life to be put at risk if he snaps and hits you again?

Pack some stuff for you and DD.

Phone a friend or family member.

Go to their house and stay there.

Phone police and report last two incidents, they will send someone to you to take a statement.

Get a solicitor

Go to local council housing tomorrow and get emergency housing

GO BEFORE HE IS SOBER ENOUGH TO STOP YOU!!!

Well, he knew what that serious chat was going to be about didn't he? And he's made sure you can't have it. Yes, he probably will blame you for his getting stewed this eveing - let's face it, if he hadn't been facing the prospect of a serious chat with you then he wouldn't have had to avoid it by getting pissed would he?

Twisted logic, but this is what men like this do.

Make sure you're safe. Please.

Yes he was drunk last night but not like this. He's crashed out on the sofa now so not much harm to anyone.

Rocky if/when he's like that with you again, call the police and have him removed from your house. It's on record then. Keep doing it

Leave him where he is for now if you're jot going to leave
But please get somewhere arranged to go as a bolt hole
Having a plan will make you feel much better

we've been together four years and until a month ago he's never laid a finger on me. I don't know where it's all gone wrong.

We didn't plan this baby and he didn't want it. I don't know if its got something to do with it?? he started drinking heavily a while before that but I never felt intimidated or scared of him

I have heard that these things often start during pregnancies... Can he be a bit controlling sometimes?

But in any case; please don't overexamine yourself and your relationship, it's not you that is causing the violence, it is him! And all him!

you need to get out. he may be violent towards you to try cause a miscarriage .

pack bags and go with dd and discuss it from a safe place.

If he was physically ill I wouldn't walk out on him. im trying to justify in my head how this is different i suppose?? I have been reading about dv a lot since it happened the first time and I read somewhere that if someone really wants to change then they can. not very likely but its possible and it does happen doesnt it?