How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

Annie,

Yes thats exactly it.

When I finish he says ok I'm happy to be friends, and I say I'm not

Then he gets angry and says fine I never want to speak to you again,forget me forever, I say ok

Then a few days later he will email me an article or something he thinks I will like

Seems odd written down, I just thought he was a drama queen

Is he English?
How tall is he?

You might want to be on your own for a while but you might want to arrange yourslf a date with someone else just to take your mind off of him so that you are less likely to give in to temptation, because temptation does come knocking sometimes when you could use some company and you temporarily forget the bad points.

Trestired surely it's better to rely on friends for that kind of support and 'company'?

exhausted hes english and very tall

Please tell me you are not his ex!!!!!!!

Block his email address.

Change your phone.

And if he turns up on your doorstep do not open the door, do not let him in, do not engage with him and CALL THE POLICE

Blocked email

Have changed mobile number recently as was getting alot of spam and
silly calls so not sure I can do it again but I can block his number

Don't think it will come to that however

Nah, mine's not English, and he couldn't pretend to be.
I was seriously worried though, that says a lot.

Stick to your guns, God knows, if I'd gotten rid of mine earlier on it would have saved a lot of heartache

good luck

Thanks exhausted x

In an ideal world MooMooFarm it is. But you can't snog your friends can you? ...Well you can but that can create a whole new set of problems. : )

I think gettin in touch with her might be a good idea.

Fantastic that you've picked up on these red flags as well - so please do take them seriously. You seem to find him quite funny (and I can see why) which might well be a good attitude to have to him - better than taking his crap seriously - but don't let that make you think he's harmless. His agenda is to lower your self-esteem to the point that you are in his control. It's not nice, or funny, really.

Dying to ask whether he does other things I've noticed in these kinds of people. Criticise your clothes/hair/makeup, and perhaps suggest he knows better than you how you should look? Very vain about his own appearance - lots of gym and protein shakes etc? Critical of others who are nothing to do with him (random people in town etc)? "Surprises" you by turning up to take you out and then being mortally offended if you're not delighted by having your own plans ruined?

*getting

Three times eh? 4th time lucky? I hope you are right.

Remember, none of this is any of your fault, so if you do have any issues with him hold onto that and please come back and let us know so we can hold your hand through it?

You have nothing to be ashamed of, far from it, you have indeed dodged an almighty bullet.

I know it's only cos I'm terminally nosy, but I would love to know what his ex has to say...

My ex, in his prior relationship, (married, 8yrs) the woman asked to meet him in a neutral place with a friend. Now, looking back on the car crash I lived through, I wonder what really went on. I have no way of contacting her.

I also have no way of contacting the mother of his other son, not even sure if I ought to?

I get it. I do.
You dont want to give up a potentially hot bloke over a couple of "character flaws".
Except they aren't. There is not a single example of a bloke such as this one ever going on to have a decent, respectful, loving, healthy relationship.

He just isn't wired for it. He's wired for the exact opposite.

So many posters have been there, me included.

They are like clones, believe me. They might look different but they ALL act the same, which is why you have an almost unanimous verdict of RUN FOR THE HILLS and talk of "handbooks".

You know this man is bad news. That's why you started this thread.

Lol, no actually always very complimentary about me, my figure, clothes etc

But he is incredibly vain yes, always on some weird diet, goes on sun beds and makes me laugh by dressing like he thinks an english gentleman would if you know what I mean when its not always appropriate.

Yes critial of others and yes likes to surprise by saying lets do this tonight and then being annoyed when you can't.

Strangly he comes from a rather humble background, I don't, but he does take it upon himself to suggest he knows more about manners etc, mocked me once for going to some show, saying how middle class, I was like so?

The stuff these people do IS funny tbh, but you can only find them funny when you have a good strong grounding in your own life, know yourself and have self esteem.

If this person were to catch any one of us at a weak point in our lives, there is no telling what he could do to our feeling of self worth etc.

Madame O,

Yes you are right, I was flattered and liked the sex etc.

But I have alot of close female and male friends and very close to my family.

They all think same....Deranged, odd, damaged, strange,

Hence me posting as was doubting myself and wondered why I kept trying to dump him

MissHissy - too true, sadly for me, too true. And now I'm out the other side but have kids with the bastard so I'm stuck with a degree of contact which is a headfuck.

MissHissy - where did I get that from HerHissy of course

fuckmepink yep, same boat love as me...

I was LittleMissHissyFit, so not too far a stretch.

Herhissyness,

No I think contacting exes a bad thing, only wind them up, better to put a lid on it and move on.

Exes probably only say what tw@ts they are?

And headfuck is what I used to say to him when I was trying to get rid of him, didn't work!!

I didn't realise there were so many of them out there

So my DS doesn't know he has a half brother, and this boy doesn't (I think) know about my ds either. Not my business? Leave it at that?

Sorry x-posts with about a million posts. You see - the fact that I can guess these things about him shows just how similar these people are. It's weird, like they're all from some parallel universe or other planet or something.

any of this sound familiar?