How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

Elephants - very true in my case. I also have a thread in relationships about water torturer.

They are all the same.

OP, I'm a bit worried that you're not taking this too seriously - his ex might well be trying to warn you about actual physical abuse, from all you've said.

Can I ask, why did your last long-term relationship end? I'm wondering if you've had abuse experiences in the past, is all. Sorry if too nosy.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think self preservation, better for you not to open that door maybe?.

No contact seems a good bet, because I know they can suck you back in and who needs it?

Control freak. Bin him good and proper. No faffing. Ignore pleading emails, calls and sms ....

@Tortoise no last relationship was good, I ended as didn't want to get married and we were more like brother an sister, still on good terms but left a void and I was sad.

I guess I don't take this one too seriously as I think he will just go away, he was never physically abusive, forceful in bed but that was it

@Elephants

O dear seems he is textbook

"Who needs it" - indeed. Your life will be a lot nicer and more fun without him in it, honestly.

Don't open the door or speak to him. What could he possibly say that would make him a better prospect?

Just thank your lucky stars that you have the confidence, the advice and the self-esteem to feck him off. :)

Binned, told him changing mobile and email and not to get in touch as he wouldn't get through.

Very odd response back TBH

What was the odd response?

Good work. What was the response?

Re physical abuse, not to belabour this, but it rarely starts this early in a relationship: just because it's not there now doesn't mean it wouldn't be later. What has already started is him refusing to accept that he's binned, though.

He replied first with a nice message saying what he was doing with x's at the end??? perhaps hadn't read it properly

Then another saying FO I'm changing my number

Odd

Sounds like the last one's to put you on the back-foot and re-write the script in his head so it's you chasing him and he's dumping you. You may have made it into 'crazy ex' land , yahoo!

OTOH, it may just be to try to provoke you into a response.

there's no way that last text is the end of it

Is this my ex? Run. And don't look back!!

Buzzsore thats funny, I am probably now the stalker ex, bloomin cheek

At least it sounds like he has gone

@Kallima Dunno I think it might be, I'm laughing at him stealing my thunder and also changing his number...knobber!!!

This is just like the 'well if you're not free Friday I'm not free Saturday so ner ner to you', isn't it? 'You can't dump me, I dumped you first AND I'm changing my number'.

Do NOT be tempted to text the old number to see if it was a bluff. Do NOT.

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

That's it, he's dumped you. great. Move on.

even if you dumped him first

@Tortoise I won't, its rather tit for tat, pretty much sums him up:-)

@fuckmepink Still think its funny, he works for himself and that is his main number, loser, has to win!!!!

Though in long run I have won as won't be made miserable

Don't be afraid to involve the police if you need to. This man may well not go away. Save nasty text and emails, now you have told him he's dumped and to leave you alone, any further communication from him is enough for the popo to have a firm word with him. Good luck.

Either way OBlimey you win - don't text him back because he dumped you and changed his number therefore there's no point to text it, or you dumped him so don't text him.

Win Win

I think he has gone this time, changing number on my part is not something I would do lightly

I doubt he'll change his number at all, he's just lying (again). He's expecting you to test it (like Tortoise said), or for you to get one of your friends to test it. Don't!

You probably haven't heard the last of him. But hopefully you can run free and merry in the open plains of crazy-ex land .

@Buzz

Yes I like that thought!!!!!!

Tempted to test but won't!

This thread has made me laugh, wish I had posted before when I was trying to dump then I wouldn't have weakened so many times before and gone back!