How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

It's just classic 'reeling you in' stuff to go all woe-is-me, I'm so down, I'm stressed, blah-blah.

If he's depressed, he should go to his GP. A relationship is not a cure for depression.

Call her - she can help you and she can help the police if this goes tits up.

Gain loads of weight, drink and swear - if you say he doesn't like women like this he should run a mile!
You sound like a sound, sane woman with a sense of humour - you deserve to meet someone who isn't a nut job.

No I would never contact an ex's new partner ever?

Seems peculiar

O Blimey...this is making me want to cry because I know this story. Please, please, please, please, please don't do this to yourself because the consequences are truly awful.

OK she could be crazy, it's true. But this bloke is practically card carrying loon crazy, and possibly stalker/dangerous to boot.

Controlling/Abusive he is almost definitely, he is showing all the signs of being so.

But what if she is NOT crazy? Surely she is not that crazy, or she'd still be with him right?

When a man bad-mouths his exes, its a bad red flag on it's own.

In all seriousness, his ex may have been trying to contact you to warn you off - which is why he is pre-empting that possibility by rubbishing her. Joking aside, he sounds dangerous and you'd do well to take the advice on here and get him out of your life - don't keep him around as a 'friend' either.

Oblimey fair enough - forgive my paranoia! And I wouldn't try getting in touch with his ex. Whatever she may or not say shouldn't stop you trusting your instincts. Walk away and don't look back - you don't need any more 'evidence' to do that.

If he's minted and gorgeous, and isn't psychologically unstable he'd have been snapped up long ago.

Any girlfriend who was with someone who was caring, kind, good in bed, wealthy, wouldn't let them go that easy.

And I know that sounds a terrible way to look at it, and I don't mean it judgy but it's a fact imo.

Think of it like this..

Your friends think he is 'odd'

You felt the need to post here with quite a list of 'warning signs'

His ex tried to get in touch with you.

He as told you he is depressed.

He has hinted at suicide.

You might find if you continue with this bloke in time that someone who is crap in bed, poor and has 4 ex wives would be an improvement. It sounds like a lot of people on here know this blokes description...

fair point though fuckmepink!

I don't think this ex of his was ringing to give the bloke a glowing character reference....

Trestired please explain?

I am taking this seriously, but don't think hes harmful just not for me, I'm not sure he's a nut job just a bit odd maybe

But some of the comments are funny

I am binning him.

In the past I have binned by telling him why and how its not working and being very honest, ie you are a great guy, but I don't like all the back and forth business and some of the stuff you do I find hurtful from someone who says they love me etc

It doesn't seem to sink in because a week later he will text or email like nothing has happned or say fine lets be friends

This time I think silence

When I binned before, I blocked on f.b and he created a new profile, didn't contact me with it but I thought it odd

It just sounded so awful written down [blush

oh. god.

Is saying you are tired of life hinting at suicide?

Ouch

And for your friends to think a good-looking, wealthy guy is odd and not such a great catch, well, he must be pretty damn odd.

I would be most worried that he has used the "L" word after a couple of months and has also lied to you about little things.
What about the things that you have no idea about concerning his life, is what he has told you fact or fiction.

If you are even posting on here about him and asking advice, my advice would be keep it as casual as possible, and don't get involved, distance yourself or just make an elegant retreat

"It doesn't seem to sink in because a week later he will text or email like nothing has happned or say fine lets be friends"

This is because your feelings are not worthy of respect. what you tell him doesn't matter.

he is entitled to treat you like this, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

you ended it before and he just refused to accept it? [worried]

Ok, you end it now, and commit to silence, total radio silence. No replies, no phone calls, emails delete and block him from your FB, set your privacy to friends only.

I predict he will not respect this and you will have to escalate to the law etc, he will rant, rave and throw all kinds of tantrums. You must not ever reply directly to him, you must get the police/solicitors to do it for you.

I strongly urge you to change numbers and email and tell all your friends to NEVER give out your details to anyone. If there is somone that needs to contact you, for them to take their number and pass it to YOU and no deviation from this. Call any new person with-holding your number too.

Or if you are meeting blokes off the interweb, get a cheapy phone on a pay and go and give them that number (I know you've said you're not but)

Herhissyness,

I think he will go, this is the third time I have told him its not working.

Agree complete radio silence

If I hear will post back, but I think he will go easily now, no one
wants constant rejection.

If he doesn't I will start eating pies and stop going to the gym and stock up on beer!!!!

Am sure it will be fine.

Thanks all, really cheered me up and made me laugh, possibly a bullet dodged so don't feel sad at cutting ties.

No I think no blokes for a while.

Better to be on my own for a bit!

Him: "Let's just be friends then"
You: "No, that wouldn't work for me"
Him: "But we can keep in touch"
You: "No, that wouldn't work for me"
Him: "I'll give you a call some time just to catch up"
You: "No, that wouldn't work for me"

See a pattern emerging here?

oblimey, are you in London?

Gosh...sorry if It sounds like I'm being a bit dramatic. It's just all the things you have said sound like exactly, word for word, like a relationship that I know. Little points seemed just like that in the beginning...and then the horror show began. Emotional abuse, striping away confidence... I am probably reading too much into the situation but it was because I was feling vunerable after a relationship breakdown that my life became hell. Lying to friends and family and ended up very solated. He probably isn't that bad but if you do end up seeing him for a bit, just keep your wits about you. Sorry for dramatic warning-I would just hate anybody else to go through what could happen.

exhausted yes I am x