Have been lurking all the way through and want to add another voice to all the posters urging you to listen and run.
Yes ,it is very difficult to believe.A lot of us here who have experienced a man like this would perhaps have responded as you are doing ,if the truth were explained to us at the start....during the intense seduction/conditioning phase...
I am posting in honour of the woman I was when I met xp.I so truly believed in the hook of my being the only one he had ever loved..only one who could save him...we shared something secret and powerful...a deep,intense connection...
Of course,we split up after a short time..then again ..then again (all within a few early weeks) all confirming,reinforcing that this was indeed destiny and meant to be....He wanted babies,marriage too....
Of course,he was utterly textbook.But I was so convinced of the "true connection" that I rationalised and ignored and forgave as he got slowly worse.I denied any of that to my friends,preferring to give them the romantic version,helping to keep me believing.
He had times when he would show "insight and understanding" into his "problems".We went to couples therapy,he started psychotherapy.He was such an "injured soul" ...all of which made me more determined to hold on and be his "saviour".
I,too,posted on here and then went back to him,convinced it would be different with me.His therapist had me convinced for a good few months that he wasn't an abuser,but was spirited and a survivor...she thought we were great for each other.
Eventually,he became very violent...that was 3 years on ,and I was pregnant.I had to involve the police and Womens' Aid. We have no contact at all now.I didn't tell anyone the truth until a few months ago.
All the warning signs were there from the start,but I had no idea.I really believed in the "true love" stuff.I thought I'd found "the one".
Would I have listened? Probably not.
But when I look back at the hopeful,trusting woman I was then,from the perspective of the cynical,un-trusting woman I am now..I want to turn back time and whisk myself away.Actually,make that batter him to the ground then walk proudly away!
The most difficult part for me,has been to recognise that what I thought I had was not real.And that the way forward,out of my pain and away from the risk that I would fall for it all over again,in another shape or form,is to sort out my own head.Therapy again.And loads of MN.
Not sure if this long post is helpful.Maybe it won't be until you've learnt the hard way,and you come back to read this again,or to post,from your own new perspective.
I hope you will be ok.