How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

Good sex does not a good relationship make.

I have learnt that the hard way.

That tit-for-tat 'can't make it' punishment sent icy cold shivers all the way down my back Annie!

The whole "he doesn't like women who..." thing is another huge warning sign. What if you become one of those women? It's very easy to put on weight after you have a baby and of course he'll be quite justified in putting you down then because you knew that he didn't like women who are overweight. Ugh.

Still laughing.

I know my friends and family think he is damaged.

I'm now wondering how to get rid of him without him coming back, do they often say they are depressed etc to manipulate you into coming back?

Goodbye and block his number and email.

Or get a new number and email.

OBlimey read through to the end of the link on 'losers'. It gives you tips on how to end relationships with them with the least amount of hassle.

Am cheering for you now!

Yup, they say whatever it takes. Stick to your script of 'It's not going to work out, I'm ending it' Broken record.

don't answer calls, don't reply to texts, hopefully eventually he will get the message. If he doesn't... come back, we can help you through that too.

Theyll say anything that they can to make you change your mind , even hinting at suicide sometimes . Dont buy it . The fact they want a relationship with someone WHO DOESNT WANT THEM says it all .

Agree very much with exhauseted2011 and Anniegetyourgun. You may be flattered by the attention now. He might seem like a challenge for YOU.

....you have really described him as a a lying,moody,bullying,egotistical,demanding serial monogomist who is good looking and has a bit of cash.

'CAN be very charming'...before you know it he will be saving his charm for everyone else (who will think he is charming) and you will be geting a very different person and will possibly begin to doubt your own sanity and self-worth.

When you are vunerable, wealthy and goodlooking are very appealing. You will not care about these things in the long term because the man will be using these assets not to charm you, but to piss you off.

You know deep down what you should do.

Sorry to go on but I think I know what will happen to you in the longer term and trust me, it will not be good for you.

I repeat...run for the hills.

You have a right not to have a relationship with anyone if you don't wish to. You are not his therapist, his doctor, or a little pink pill. You are a human being who deserves respectful treatment.

Glad you can laugh, as long as you keep your sense of humour you'll be ok!

Yes I think long term its not a winner.

Stick on ignore and print this off next to my phone.

It does sound like long term it wouldn't be much fun at all.

Have met someone much more easy going which prompted me to question it all really, sex isn't everything

Emotional abuser
Possible borderline personality disorder.

Other than that...well, he sounds just like my friend's ex who did all these things. Had a total power thing at work as well so had to be the best, earn lots etc etc. He married her within 6 months, got her pregnant on the honeymoon, then basically imprisoned her in her own home. When she left him, he told everyone she was a lesbian and mad. He even took her to court saying this, but lied so much she won the case.

Good for you OBlimey. It's great that you're not too far in and are able to walk away from this. As others have said, you are not responsible for his happiness and he can't blackmail you into staying with him. Even if he threatens suicide just walk away, that's his decision.

If he threatens suicide, pass him a knife, 8 packets of paracetamol and some rope.

Then run.

Oblimey I'm glad you're walking away but I was a bit about your comment that meeting someone else prompted you to question it. If that means you needed to have someone else on the horizon before you could think about getting rid of somebody that toxic, there are more issues here than just him - IMHO.

@Miggsie...that rings bells, he said his ex was a crazy stalker etc when I looked shocked he backtracked, funnily enough she did try and get in touch with me and he told me to ignore as she was bat shit

Now I wonder

@MooMoo

No not really, I have been questioning it for a while.

Person I have met recently is happy to be friends as I don't want a relationship at this point.

It was just this new person is so much easier to talk to, no drama etc that made me think about things.

I would also be worried that he has changed / altered his surname. A more sinister reason that just wanting to sound "posh" ?

I don't think he wd do anything stupid, last time he just kept saying he was depressed, very stressed and tired of life so I felt very sorry for him, might have been true I don't know.

Are you not tempted to get in touch and hear what she has to say? When a relationship ends, people often have pretty bad things to say about the other person or it wouldn't have ended. sk yourself this, have you ever felt the need to contact an exes new partner? Of course she could be mental...

Do you still have her contact details? ^^

Lmao at QShadow, no genuinely I think just to make himself look more upmarket.

Stupidly at first I just thought endearing, now I think maybe a bit knobbish

I do have her details, but think maybe better just to leave it?

Still no idea what she wanted, and it was a while ago.

OMG - that woman was trying to warn you! this bloke is a total fruit loop!

Please take great care! Be really clear, keep it simple, and tell him that you wish to end the relationship, that there will be no hanging on, and it's a clean break.

If he refuses to go quietly, don't think twice about involving the police. Seriously, if you have told him clearly 3 times that he is no longer wanted or welcome in your life and he still contacts you? Call the police. Go LARGE on reaction, it just might be enough to scare him off sooner rather than later.