How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

aww, poor, poor man.

Now tell him to fuck off if you really have to say anything, and go and enjoy the rest of your life without this headworker.

Honestly he is textbook.

"Tell him to fuck off"... in your head !!!

ignore him! do not engage positively or negatively, it's all attention, either one will feed him.

Cut him off dead.

You are not incapable OBlimey, we are only incapable if we choose to be.
The man is an utter berk, ignore him and move on. If downing wine is going to muddy your judgement then stop drinking. Reply to him and it is giving him the green light to continue needling away at you.

Sorry to sound obtuse, but is this really textbook?

Yup.

I'm guessing you have not been around Relationships Boards much then?

It is textbook nobber!

HH

No after a great 6 year relationship I am unused to all this!!!

Love knobber!!! makes me laugh even though I feel a bit sad!

Yes Herhissyness is right he is sucking you in, so ignore.
And yes this "oh do feel sorry for poor me" act is textbook. he is trying to reel you in with your sympathy. The next lots of lies he tells you as he gets increasingly frustrated will be how it is your fault he is like this. You will be too bright/pretty/whatever and this is why he behaves as he does.

Just block him, move him to junk mail.

OBlimey, PLEASE do not let the fact you are feeling sad make you weaken into replying to this man.
Let him into your life again and you will be feeling a lot sadder very quickly.
There are decent men out there and you will find one when the time is right. In the meantime concentrate on YOU, after 6 years in a relationship you need to re-establish your sense of self. Men like this guy can smell vulnerability at a 1000 paces, he is manipulating you, don't fall for it!!!!!!!!!!!

Then when he's done the woe is me shite, he'll move on to nasty.

tell work you have a stalker and you need his domain/address blocking.

Ok It seems like this sort of message is standard

I'm not used to dating to a bit out of touch

Thanks for replying

sorry OP only read your first post but think you must be dating my ex

And that is very bad?

very lol

Jesus, need to read these boards more often, I just sometimes don't see red flAG SLAPPING ME IN FACE

He is back, email very very early this morning.

Haven't heard anything for about a week and a half,
but nice friendly email, would like to meet up.

Finding it hard not to reply.

Don't !!

No, don't do it. You've had a lucky escape, honestly. I actually thought your thread might be made up at first as the flags you've mentioned are so cliched.

Do anything to distract yourself, this is all part of the game plan. Don't crack now!!

Thanks Curly and Balloon

I'm probably just missing the attention and really didn't think I would hear anything from him again so surprised this morning and want to reply which is silly.

Gym and no wine tonight I think.

Absolutely. He's making you feel flattered by the attention, a week on and you're probably thinking he wasn't that bad anyway, - next thing, you reply and the whole cycle starts again.

TBH yes I am thinking he wasn't that bad, need to reread this thread

OMG just read all through this thread - waiting for the 'he just wants to be friends' email...and there it is! Classic, textbook whiny, needy, nasty ass man. I had a relationship like this. Only way to get rid of the fucker was to Never. Ever. respond to his attempts to contact me. Even so it took two years to get rid, and then only because I had enough and changed my number.

Please, just don't respond. Men like this just want a way in, he will ask to meet up 'as friends' then give you the emotional blackmail, how much he misses you, flattery etc, he will make you feel guilty and sorry for him and sucker you back in. Textbook.

One thing I have learnt is that it's almost impossible to remain friends with an ex. Absolutely impossible if there are any romantic feelings on one side. And really - why would you bother? Unless you were great friends before you got together, or the passion has completely gone leaving only friendship - why be friends with an ex?

Urgh thanks, I want a copy of their text book, have never encountered one before luckily so all a bit new

just keep reading threads on relationships, it's a true education!!

He will keep contacting you, and you will need to keep ignoring these mails. Register on an online dating site if you need some distraction, you'll have lots of other messages to deal with and won't be looking for any ego stroking from this eejit.

New to this thread, just want to chuck in my pennies...

I think you mostly want this man for sex. You don't respect him (and why would you, based on what you have shared here?)

To my mind, the posturing is a big red flag. You laugh about it now, but you'd find it really irritating and embarrassing longer term. Double-barreling his name and dressing like Prince Charles - what a knob. He's got a big hang-up about class, very immature for a 42 year old. Speaks volumes.

Run!! Head for those hills, do not look back.

On a lighter note, I saw some funnies on another thread about red flags...

'If you start staying over and find dirty underwear on the floor with huge skidmarks then run'

'If you ever have the thought "is he driving me somewhere to kill me", then run'

Sadly I've had both of these. Ran both times

'If you ever have the thought "is he driving me somewhere to kill me", then run'

I have led a sheltered life, that sounds very scary