How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

?

Hi, thanks for all the recent replies.

I have taken seriously what other women have been through but at the moment I don't think/feel it is an abusive relationship.

I think he is genuinely a nice person who can act odd.

Really hope to be proved right, taking things very slowly, just as friends now and then we see.

Thank you again

OBlimey, WTF do you think you are doing?

300+ posts ALL saying the same thing, no matter how you try to dress it up, or pull the wool over our eyes.

We predicted he wouldn't give up the contact, he wouldn't respect your wishes, boundaries etc, and he hasn't. Any normal guy would be put out that you have moved on so fast, he'd leave it at that. He'd not carry on pursuing you, trying to get to meet with you.

You will get sucked back in again and this time he'll cut straight to it. There is no doubt about it. the only uncertainty is how long it'll take before you realise what trap you have fallen into.

Remember that MN is global, we are always here, we won't judge you or tell you we told you so, but mark my words, you will be back here.

We will help you, we will hug you, we will commiserate and we will help you put yourself back together. You will get past this, you will recover and you will meet a decent guy. But only when you open your eyes and realise what sick puppy you have temporarily saddled yourself with.

Au revoir OBlimey! see you soon.

^^^

Exactly what HerHissyness said up there

He's given you the red flags, you've given him the green.

Too late now. He knows he's got you, and so it begins.

Even if he doesn't turn out to be abusive, read your original post. ?????? You are ignoring your gut insticts. No ofence but 'friends' my arse. He doesn't want that and neither do you by the sounds of it otherwise you wouldn't be engaging with him. Sounds like the new fella is their to give you a bit of bargaining power.

So what did you tell him about your change of number. You don't answer on here, but my guess is that you made up some excuse.

Thanks both of you.

Without sounding like a sap, I think things are different, friends now and taking slowly, maybe some of it was me, binning so often when I got annoyed, I don't know but I really think it could work.
Fingers crossed. x

Hi, no excuse on change of number, we just didn't mention? and he gave me his new one

What do you say ladies?
Any bets on his next move being:

telling OB how much he loves her and that he has felt some sort of special connection since the day they met?

Asking to move in?

Asking her to marry him?

Saying he wants a baby with her?

Being overly nice to all her friends and family? (then running them down to her)

Try this OBlimey (it'll be a larf I promise) -
Next time you plan to go out somewhere and he seems keen on going there say NO. Say you want to go somewhere else. Then do your very best to sit back and just observe coldly his reaction. Don't interprete just take note of what he actually says.

Let us know the outcome.

This has got to be a wind up.

OP - why do you WANT a relationship with this particular man so badly?

Hi,

I really like the guy, and want to make it work, I really hope it works, and TBH if it doesn't I will be too ashamed to come back.

He has offered a future I like I think and I like him, is that so bad?.

Reading these threads lots of men are selfish and moody at times.

xx

Pickgo,

Why is the baby and marriage thing so bad?

This is car crash TV.

OBlimey, you must have read all of the posts and anyone with an ounce of respect for people who have tried to help you wouldn't be responding like you are.

You know the answers to the questions that you are asking and it just sounds now like you are trying to get a reaction.

Why is the baby and marriage thing so bad?

Because at this stage it's not that you're someone very special and important to him but more that 'you'll do'...

OBlimey - thought you had a new man? Thought he was "just friends"?

Sounds like he's already offered that, pickgo

OP Good Luck. Unfortunately you're going to need it. Hugs.

I guess I want old man, don't want new man anymore.

Reading alot here, and realise I have low self esteem probably, tho considered v attractive I am never thin enough fit enough etc for my .

Parents had weird marriage, she was a model,he was a playboy, she ran off after 20 years of him cheating, I am slowly seeing pattern, but will not do therapy, my Father rejected me when I went with my mother when they split

Fuck I am a mess

Trestired, I am listening, but now I just feel like rubbish to be honest x

OBlimey - the best thing you could do for yourself is go to therapy.

Why ask on this thread if you are just going to ignore every single poster who has invested time and energy to respond to you - and we're all saying the same thing?

Anyone here on this thread seen a particular post of mine today?

shall I tell OBlimey?

Or would I be wasting my breath?

Because I hope you are all wrong and maybe I shouldn't get too worked up about stuff, I don't know.

No relationship is perfect, and right now I am happy in some ways , feeling scared in other.

And I do appreciate people who have answered but I don't think he is abusive, just a twat now and again

I haven't seen it HerHissyness - link please?

(But I fear you would be wasting your breath)

Oblimey - the women who are answering you on this thread have been there done that got the t-shirt, I would bet my life on it.

I would also bet my life my kids lives the dogs life that we are all right.

@Her

Please tell me, I will read

I am listening
x