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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The no contact/texting/email thread

849 replies

cathkidstonbag · 14/06/2011 14:19

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

OP posts:
ilovemyteddy · 19/07/2011 19:36

My thinking is this:

I have no view whether a DW has more right to criticise her DHs OW than an OW has to criticise her OMs DW.

But I will expose the hypocrisy of you posting that someone's criticism of her OMs DW is 'vile' when you have done the exact same thing (roles reversed obviously) on another thread AND when you have indulged in vile and personal attacks on another poster which have caused that poster to leave.

Clear enough for you?

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 19:44

You need to get over When's demise and start making friends in the real world.
I had my issues with When's dogma (as did others) and she needed to tone down.
This is not another 'Where is When' thread? talk about 'derailing'?
Why don't you try to find her in RL? And then you wouldn't miss her so.

TheOriginalFAB · 19/07/2011 19:52

Oh my goodness.

AnyFucker · 19/07/2011 20:16

I have never felt the need to post on this thread, my views on infidelity are pretty clear so why would I ?

This is a space for women who are struggling to extricate themselves from a shitty situation to get support from each other. The ways in which they gain that support are not for others to judge, particularly someone who has such a loaded agenda, being the victim of her husband cheating on her.

On the thread in which WWIFN was personally attacked, she was initially vilified and her words twisted for "daring to suggest that is was tasteless for OW's to ask for support"

and yet here is one of those vocal posters against WWIFN, who is doing just that

there is a sublime irony in that, is there not ?

I am sure you will accuse me of stirring the pot here, Aislingorla, but the fact is you are acting like a toxic individual who seems to want other women feel shit for the mistakes they make. Making them feel shit won't make what your husband did any better, I am afraid.

You only had to say it once, but you cannot stop, it seems.

You accuse others of personal attacks, yet here you are, sounding increasingly nasty and snide.

My sympathies, as my posts will always demonstrate, lie firmly with a wronged wife. However, I would not continue to offer it blindly in the face of such bitter vitriol as you are displaying here. Respect must be earned, and you are pissing it all up the wall here.

So, I didn't want to post here and lurked for ages. I will probably regret doing so, but this thread has been so spectacularly bollocksed up, I thought why not ? It certainly couldn't get worse.

You are in the wrong, Aislingorla, and the more people that draw attention to that, the better.

Now, the floor is yours for the playground insult you seem increasingly to be utilising.

ilovemyteddy · 19/07/2011 20:24

I apologise to all the OW on here for the derailment of the thread, which I take some responsibility for. I was hoping to offer some support from my own experience, but think that I should leave the thread now (and I promise I will actually leave, not just say that I'm going to, and then continue to post.)

I wish all the OW on here the very best of luck in finding the strength to continue their NC.

TheOriginalFAB · 19/07/2011 20:41

AF - you know I am a fan of yours so I hope you don't think I am sucking up Grin but I think your post was very fair and factual.

I did have a blip last week which really annoyed me but actually I haven't thought about him at all today which is brilliant. This reinforces that it was a blip and as I have a new phone it will be the last one.

Let us try and get this thread back to the good one it was before it got derailed rather disgracefully.

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 20:49

Good, now Fab, stop texting him! (because that's disgraceful) He has chosen his wife over you.

AF, please, for your own good, get over When. She's probably moved on so you need to too.

TheOriginalFAB · 19/07/2011 20:54

Aislingorla - please stop addressing me. I am not interested in anything you have to say. You know nothing about what choices he has made.

AnyFucker · 19/07/2011 20:57

Ah Fabby, you know I have a little cockle in my heart just for you Smile

TheOriginalFAB · 19/07/2011 21:02

You have got to stop calling me fabby as I don't know if you mean me if fabbychic is also on the thread! Grin

AnyFucker · 19/07/2011 21:09

oh yeah, I forgot about the other fabby Grin

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 21:10

Well then, stop addressing me ! You crack me up, you have spent the whole day addressing me instead of 'supporting' your fellow ow s. (as I said before ignore me and I'll go away...)

AnyFucker · 19/07/2011 21:14

Aislingorla is perfectly right

No-one need address her, as her posts are doing all the talking required here. Give someone enough rope.

TheOriginalFAB · 19/07/2011 21:17

Not the whole day.

I am not an OW.

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 21:22

Oh AF, what a entertaining day of posting.
You are so easily rattled!
Like I've said before, get out more and make some RL friends.
Rope? Hang myself? It's an internet chatroom forum! I'm hardly going to lose sleep over it. Can't even remember half the names let alone the details of each post. Because it really doesn't matter.

runningbarefoot · 19/07/2011 21:30

I've followed this thread from the start, in silence until today. People such as omg and fab have been a great support to those who may have come onto this thread to find that support. Aislingoria if you ever pause to think (unlikely) why your comments are so unappreciated here then try re-reading the last line of omg's OP "anyone else needing support?" Over and over again, it may just sink in. Anyone in?

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 22:25

Don't be silly.

A few posters came on earlier commenting on some posters' self delusion!

Yes, yes, best left to yourselves.
But when one poster posts 'omg,omg' (concerning her om repling to her text or something)about 15 times (like my 14 year would) it does make you wonder about the mentality of these people.

I'm bored now so offer some helpful comments to those posters who can't stop contacting their ex MM s.

Notanexpert · 20/07/2011 00:40

Blimey. I've not been doing too well with NC, and have kept checking in here to get some strength over the weekend. It worked, and I didn't get upset or angry that I hadn't heard from him, because of you out there. And then I come on here tonight, and am gutted that the thread's been hi-jacked. For what it's worth, it's been invaluable to me, and has really helped me move on. I'm not there yet, but so much better than I was a month ago. Thank you to everyone who understands, and you know, sometimes you just DO need support. We all KNOW It's wrong, and the price we may pay, but I am sure I could find plenty of people in RL if I wanted a lecture.

Melissaanddoug · 25/07/2011 11:15

I've been reading this thread over the past weeks too. Used it in an attempt to nip a developing situation in the bud. It did help me to get a very real angle on the pain, heartbreak and despair that seem to be inevitable. Has the discussion moved elsewhere or just fizzled out?

TuJM · 31/07/2011 20:26

I am brand new to this thread and this whole situation. I have been married for nearly 4 years now but started seeing an old flame from work as DH works away most evenings. I need the comfort more than anything. I have decided I want nc now as ive realised what a mistake I am making. I have found this thread very interesting and has given me a lot of advice about how I can help myself with this. I havent tried no contact before with him but now he has got a new job I dont c him everyday so im hoping this will make it easier. Keep strong everyone and I hope this thread continues in a positive and supportive way. How do I stop myself feeling guilty tho??

NoContactThreadName · 17/09/2011 10:43

I was thinking about this thread early this morning, how's everyone doing?

twankie · 17/09/2011 21:21

thead has moved... pm me if you like

daniyelli · 21/09/2011 13:46

I am pretty much in same situation as you although I have 2 DC's. We are both married and, although I was the one who said it should end so we could focus on our marriages, he is the one who has cut off all contact and it is killing me. Feel so let down and foolish for having believed he cared and still just wish he would call and ask to meet again. Funny thing is, I didn't think I was in love with him when we were together - not a lot in common, different backgrounds etc. It felt purely physical so either I am looking back through rose tinted glasses or I didn't let myself feel too much as I knew it was going nowhere

heleninahandcart · 21/09/2011 14:38

If he wants a real relationship he will contact me. If he doesn't, me contacting him will not suddenly make his realise what he is missing

It is just words, he just wants to not feel like the bad guy

I do not want to be an option. I deserve better than that. His behaviour is because of his issues, not because of some defect in me.

I have sent my last mail.

Repeat.

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