The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

I'm doing pretty well. Still thinking about him a lot, still miss him, still dream about him, still hurt that he was able to walk away so easily BUT NC is getting easier and it does seem to be helping me detach emotionally. Went to his nan's (she's a neighbour) yesterday afternoon so dd could show her her trophy from school and she said we'd just missed him. I DIDN'T get palpatations or start shaking, I didn't feel the need to text him to say sorry we'd missed him, I was able to shrug it off quite easily

His nan said he is really unhappy and things are very bad with his gf, said he'd probably be round to see me soon when things were over between them but I'm not sure. Don't think he'll give up on the relationship easily and even if they do split up I'm not sure he'll try to ressurect our friendship. I'd like it if we could be friends at some point, but I don't really think it will happen. And I'm not waiting on the possibility.

So definite progress for me:

• Less physical reaction to having almost seen him
• Less urge to contact him
• Not waiting around for him to contact me
• Not waiting and hoping for things to end with his gf because even if they do split it WILL NOT affect MY life

However PMT is due to hit in the next few days so I may well go backwards again...

Well done everyone for another week of NC if you managed it :)
Ex OM has gone on holiday for a week today so enforced NC on my behalf, which is a good thing. I haven't heard from him since Monday.
I'm hoping these horrible obsessive thoughts will start to fade be the end of next week. All I can think of at the moment, is how shall I word my next text to him. But I don't want to cave in and text him at all. Hopefully the week will go and I will be strong by the end of it.
I keep thinking of last weekend though, when he sent me all those lovely texts so I know he still feels something for me... ( he was drunk ) :(

Technically with the time difference it's now nearly 5 days I've managed NC for. Must admit to thinking I would have heard from him by now but every day that goes past makes me realise how little I meant. I know if I sent a message expressing upset or anger he would probably respond but I don't feel either. Just numb.
After a terrible arguement with my DH last night it looks like the d word is a very real possibility. I know he won't go quietly so if it comes to it I will have to tell him what I have done. Will be a relief to get rid of the guilt but I know he will laugh when he finds out OM didn't want me. He always said nobody else would want me and he was obviously right. Amazing how I manage to end up with 2 knobbers in my life!!!

I feel such a fool. Had my Big Event this morning, lots of local dignitaries and media there etc. He was texting to ask what time it started etc, then turned up late (he counted as a VIP guest because of his job) stayed for ten mins at most, then said he had to leave. I had time to say hello and good bye, but was busy with the event and all the other guests. I was gutted he didn't stay for the lunch, and had to be on my best 'public' behaviour. When I got home he sent some rubbish text about the fact it didn't rain, and I thought he would suggest a drink (which we often did on a Fri aft). I have sat for 3 hours, basically waiting for a text that didn't come. I'm furious with myself, know he's a twat, but can't stop thinking about him and the times when it was so good. I really want to stop his hold over me. I haven't said before, but my DH is a fantastic, lovely man, who would do anything for me. When he comes home tonight he'll find me cranky and morose - and none of this is his fault. Just feel awful. Sorry.

Notanexpert - have a nice evening with your husband and focus on him.

Notanexpert...we've all been there. My OM was the manipulator of my moods: when he contacted me I was happy, when he didn't I was a moody cow. How crap is that...I was like a puppet. Thankfully, I have moved on to the next level which I think is being able to live my life fairly happily, but now and again falling into sadness and missing what we had.

I have learned that just ignoring and NC is quite empowering. It seems we all on this thread manage to persuade ourselves sometimes "oh it's okay if I text because I should tell him about x/this is important and he needs to know, etc"

No. NC is the only answer. Sorry he detracted from your big event. how dare he anyway...if he gets in touch and mentions your big event just tell him what a huge success it was, how you were really proud of it. Just all about you and not how lovely it was to see him and you wished he could have stayed longer. Best way: it will give you a kick and not feed into his ego. Sorry your Friday is shitty....have been there hundreds of times, trust me!

Good luck MrsRS. I am not on FB but you can talk to me privately via the PM facility if you want.

Ok fellow NCers I need your advice. I realised yesterday morning that the reason I felt all jittery about the NC thing was the lack of control. The whole open-endedness of it. So I broke NC. Sent him a FB msg. It was very to the point, not rude just very calm. I didn't want a reply but must admit I expected one, either a sorry one or a I don't have time for you one. Or I expected him to delete me off his FB. The pattern has always been that when I break contact and he realises I am cross or upset, he replies. I was ready for that. This silence worries me. Now I'm torturing myself with wondering if he's ill. Fairly sure if he'd told his wife everything then he would have deleted me.
I'm left hanging even worse now. I want this over but it can't be over if I don't know he knows it!!!
How do I move on from this? I feel so much better over this than I did but now this is bugging me.

KiiKii - oh it wasn't just a message, it was telling him what an arse he was and how I'd had enough! But you're right he isn't ill, I'm just making excuses for him (again!!!). I just expected some kind of reaction, was hoping for a rude cold response so I'd feel I'd done the right thing. Or if he'd even defriended me on FB I'd know he'd got the message.
Anyhow have deleted him now, it's over for good. He won't make contact now, feel tremendous sense of relief tbh. He was just gameplaying and I couldn't keep playing when I didn't understand the rules!!!

Well Id just had enough! I told him he was a coward for not telling me it was over. That he had ruined any good memories I had of him. That after 2 years of friendship I expected more respect. I finished it saying "lesson learnt, game over, your loss".
I know doesn't deal well with that kind of thing. He's all about his achievements and what a great person he is. Well he isn't. He's treated me despicably and I put up with it because I'm a good nice person but there comes a point when even good nice people can't take anymore.
Be interesting to see if he does respond, I honestly don't think he will but I will let you know. There is no getting back from this though, I will never feel the same way about him!
Yeah I'm feeling ok, it's going to be strange not having him in my life, he's been a big part of it for 2 years. But think of all that free time I've got now :)

Feel quite strong, just hope it lasts!!!
He told me once I was the one person he could talk to about anything and everything ... well let's see how his life feels without me then. He was the one who had thought about me for 20 years and then treats me like this :S I was making myself crazy trying to figure him out and for what? I don't need him. I have a wonderful family (well my DCs are!) and an exciting new career opportunity on it's way, great friends. I'm going to be fine.
Oh I'd love to tell him where to go right now :D
Are you planning on trying NC again? Or waiting to see what happens?

It's hard telling RL friends. I'm lucky that I've been able to tell a few but they still didn't "get" it. It's hard to explain how this takes over your whole life. But chat to me anytime you want :)
Congrats on your new job, at least OM is impressed by it. Mine managed to make me have second thoughts about mine!!!
Nope still betting he won't contact. Let's face it he thought about me for 20 years, knew where I lived in that time etc and chose to emigrate to the other side of the world without even telling me how I was on his mind!!! This is a man who can't be arsed to make any effort!!!
Well when you're ready for NC let me know - it only took me 2 years to get to this stage

I've come back under a new name which should read mytwoworlds, not words! Anyway, kiikii just wanted to say your not the only one whos failed NC, me and OM met up twice last week. I dont talk to anyone about it either so here here is my only getaway. I hate being in this situation but I just cant pull myself away and god knows I have tried! Anyway, its glorious outside so im off this now. And well done to all you who are maintaining NC...your all fab!

How is everyone doing?

I have had a really hard week with being ill, emergency trips to hospital for ds1 ds2 being ill, etc etc and I really miss him today. Not going to do anything about it though. Just been thinking about him yesterday and today and it is a bit odd.

Fab - sorry to hear you've been missing him. I need you as my inspiration!!!
Well I didn't get a reply and on Tuesday I realised that he had blocked me on FB. Sounds a little thing but it's so petty and so unfair. I'm the one whos done nothing wrong and he's hurt me even more.
I'm worried sick about the amount of info he has on me, photos and emails. Im pretty sure his wife doesn't know but if he gets found out I think he will throw me to the wolves tbh and let me take the blame.
Anyhow I broke NC again yesterday and sent a one line email saying I have deleted every trace here and could he please do the same and let me know so I can close my email account. IMO if he was a decent bloke he would get rid of everything and just send me a message saying "done".
He's not a decent bloke :(

Fab - and hope you and your family are soon better!

Oh love .

I am only like this as severely tired and have been ill as well as having a sick child in bed.

You have come so far. I would be shocked if I heard from him again tbh but if he ever tried to tell DH stuff I would rather he didn't know I would be very tempted to blow his world apart tbh.

I just need it over. The more I think about the way he's behaved over the last few months the more I think he's not the person I knew. I hate knowing he has all these things I sent him, how can he keep them when he didn't want to keep me? :(
I wish I'd never done any if that. He could decide to tell 10 years from now, he will always have that hold over me. And the thought that he's laughing at the photos I sent him or showing them to people.
I'm not sure things will be ok with my DH but he doesn't deserve to have to deal with this. Unfortunately a vast distance would stop me retaliating if it came to it!

All I can say is that once you can get your head in the place where you don't think about them, it is great. You regain power to not let them hurt you.