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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The no contact/texting/email thread

849 replies

cathkidstonbag · 14/06/2011 14:19

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

OP posts:
Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 18/07/2011 12:23

Dessie - just fine here too, keeping busy as well :)

OP posts:
Aislingorla · 18/07/2011 12:36

One text Fab! Really? No contact means 'no contact', ahem..one text is making contact. Do yourself a favour and stop.

TheOriginalFAB · 18/07/2011 16:58

Thanks but I don't need you to tell me what to do, I know what I am doing and I know why I had a blip. You are not welcome on this thread but I am sure that won't stop you.

baguettecut · 18/07/2011 17:38

This thread is not for wronged wives to air their bitterness.

It is a support thread and therefore not appropriate to start questioning, in a rather aggressive tone, those posting on it looking for said support.

Leave 'em alone.

Aislingorla · 18/07/2011 18:02

Oh well Fab (and similiar ) wallow in your self inflicted angst. Perhaps you'll see the light one day.

TheOriginalFAB · 18/07/2011 18:07

I am now wallowing Hmm.

I had a difficult week. I did something stupid. I have not heard from him and haven't messaged him again.

A, I have read some of your many posts on relationships and it was interesting at times as it really sounded like you were his wife.

Aislingorla · 18/07/2011 18:12

Ha! ha!
Even she is not desperate enough to keep texting him. She got the message eventually and is now trying her luck with a recently separated man, whose, soon to be ex, is having a great laugh at her (and him!).

baguettecut · 18/07/2011 18:18

You sound slightly obsessed with your DH's ex mistress, Aislingorla.

Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 18/07/2011 18:18

Aisling - it must be a good feeling to have gone through what you did and still be secure enough in your marriage to make fun of this kind of thing.
Fab - you do not need to explain yourself!!! Let's just carry on wallowing in the dark, sounds kind of like some exclusive spa treatment :D

OP posts:
Original poster
cathkidstonbag · 18/07/2011 18:20

Baguette - but of course, because it was all the OWs fault wasn't it. Poor desperate woman with low self-esteem who tried to steal a loving husband. Surely we should burn her at the stake for that???

OP posts:
baguettecut · 18/07/2011 18:22

I can see how it makes her feel better to think that. Really I can, Sadly deluded though...

TheOriginalFAB · 18/07/2011 18:26

Aislingora - I meant YOU sounded like my exes wife..

Aislingorla · 18/07/2011 18:28

I blame him fully ,he used her ,but we've worked through it. I've forgiven him she is nothing to me so I don't have to feel anything but bitterness towards her.
I will now leave this thread.
And I hope you all move on and see affairs for what they are.

baguettecut · 18/07/2011 18:30

I think you've spectacularly missed the WHOLE point of this thread, Aisling...

RubyPink · 18/07/2011 18:44

Aisling, you sound a bit like WWIFN under a different name...
Maybe your DH's OW loved him have you ever thought of that? Affairs are wrong of course but once you get into one it is heart breaking to try and give it up, easy to see the right thing to do but not so easy to do it. This thread is just helping people deal with the fallout so where's the harm in that?

Aislingorla · 18/07/2011 20:59

Ruby I'm not When, I was one of the posters who critised her! (the idea did make me laugh)
Yes the ow loved (still does) my DH desperately , was convinced they had been together in a past life! But he was married, attached ,has kids,etc. But I can't be expected to feel sorry for her!
So I'm off this thread now (yet again)

runningbarefoot · 19/07/2011 06:38

Hooray Aislingoria, let's see if you really can stay off this thread. You could always start your own thread to vent your anger rather than using this one.

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 08:51

Let's hope you can start living in the real world and find a man of your own, thereby getting some self esteem!

This thread is amusing (as I've said before) and gives an interesting insight to the warped minds of those who' knowlingly' go into marriages. Remember, if he really respected you and had proper feelings for you, he'd leave his wife.

I've started lots of threads about my 'recovery'. No need for another one. Of course I'm angry! )it's a natural reaction to one's H's having an affair!)

If you really want me to stay off this thread stop addressing me! (like.....?) Ignore me and I'll go away....

AbbyAbsinthe · 19/07/2011 09:09

Aislingorla you really have nothing of value to add to this thread. I'm not on it either, but I read it every so often, and your bitterness stands out a mile, I'm afraid. Whilst I see your point, this is not the place.

IfoundmyGspot · 19/07/2011 09:20

It seems anything has a place anywhere on MN

AbbyAbsinthe · 19/07/2011 09:28

And I'm not one one of those thread police type people - ultimately anyone can post anywhere they like Smile - but hovering on a thread such as this merely to criticise and belittle is rather pathetic, imo.

FreakoidOrganisoid · 19/07/2011 09:49

The thing is aisling, this thread isn't for people to encourage each other in having affairs whichis how you seem to have read it. It's a thread to help people STOP contact with people they shouldn't contact. Nobody on here thinks affairs are good or right, nobody on here is laughing at the wife or gf, nobody on here is encouraging each other to contact the person they shouldn't. Everybody on here is trying to do the right thing and leave that person alone. And I know it can seem very black and white and that that person was never ours to have feelings for so it should be easy but it's not easy to stop contact with someone you care about and have feelings for but everyone is trying. And to come on here and abuse and critisise people for trying to do the right thing seems a little odd...by all means have a go at people who are having affairs and see nothing wrong with it but please don't have a go at people who have stopped affairs and need a bit of support in maintaining no contact.

Aislingorla · 19/07/2011 10:05

Some on here are trying to break contact and do the right thing but certainaly not all.
One poster ,in particuliar, is at the beginning of an affair with her neighbour .(and is a friend of his partner).
Another poster wrote vile comments about her ex mm's wife and she had never even met her!
Some are fooling themselves. Not all.

lemonmuffin · 19/07/2011 11:06

I've been on both sides of the fence in the past and tbh i think Aisling speaks sense.

I know its great to have lots of support and sympathy when you're suffering but sometimes a bit of blunt speaking needs to be mixed in with that.

I know its not easy to hear, but a reality check and a different point of view has helped me in the past when i needed to get out of that rut of feeling sorry for myself.

runningbarefoot · 19/07/2011 11:49

You seem very quick to judge Aislingoria - you presume that just because I've made a comment on this thread that I don't have "a man of my own" and therefore lack "self esteem". Or maybe you were addressing that to everyone who has commented on here. Whilst I don't think anyone would expect you to be sympathetic you certainly lack any empathy at all - and there is a huge difference between sympathy and empathy. I think the most telling thing is that you find this post "amusing"?

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