He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

[maristella]

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

enoon hear hear.

I have spent years feeling guilty about not reporting my rape because it meant that I let him get away with due to the circumstances surrounding it. Having read this thread, I'm now quite glad I didn't put myself through it. If this is the kind of "support" that other women are offering victims of rape or attempted rape, I dread to think what would have happened to me in a court with someone actively trying to destroy my credibility.

The apologists should be totally and utterly ashamed of themselves.

maristella what is worrying also that he knew you wanted him to wear a condom the night before so he knew you needed protection form pregnancy and disease. In the morning he did this vial act without protection....was he trying to trap you? I mean what if you were still asleep and he ejaculated and you knew nothing about it then 2 months later your their thinking why am I pregnant..bingo he has you trapped...I am sure ths man knows all about the birds and bees and the consequences of unprotected sex.
He just used you as an object to get an orgasm. He did not care if you became pregnant or caught a disease (or if he caught one not that I am saying anything nasty about you...this is about his attitude to unprotected sex). If he has done this to other women which I think he has as he did not see anything wrong with his actions and then blame you...OMG and passed women have been too intoxicated with alcohol etc to even know then that the man has had sex with her?
In your shoes now I would go for morning afterpill at GP or chemist asap I think you have so many days to take it (?3). I would get down the Sexual Health Clinic and get tested for everything.

I am so sorry you have experienced this what a nasty man abusing you like this.

Hi all, can we remind everyone that our ethos at Mumsnet is to help make parents lives easier, as what we could all do with is some moral support?

Please bear this in mind when posting.

One positive thing about this is Maristella is that you found out what this guy was like before he really, really got into your life, you may not have found out about this type of behaviour until much further down the line, after marrying for example. You only have to read the darker relationship threads to see that some husbands are highly controlling and think that they can have sex with their wives whenever they want yet appear to be the perfect husbands to friends and families so the women feel really trapped and when they look for support in RL are told that they are the ones at fault as men have "needs" etc..

Thank you, all of you.

I'm sorry I didn't reply any more last night. A friend dragged me out for a much needed walk. I was reading your messages, and (for the most part) I am so grateful for your support.

I do need to take action, a strongly worded email with a very clear message that I will not put up with any more contact from him as it is blatantly unwanted etc etc. I'm just dreading doing it as I'll be waiting for the phone to start ringing. I'm not going to block him as that may prevent evidence of his calls being obtained if I ever need it

Very sensible of you to not block his calls (you can always do that later...)

Don't forget, you're not obliged to answer the phone if he calls you. Just ignore it. Put it on silent for a bit if it's really stressing you out.

I haven't answered any of them Zombie I have no intention of speaking to him. The thought of having any contact with him whatsoever makes my skin crawl, it akes me angry from head to toe

I just wanted to say how much I admire the bravery and level-headedness that you've shown.

You went through something horrible, and yet you come across as still being strong and sensible. He has not taken that away from you.

I was shocked at level of ignorance displayed by a few of the posters on this thread (thankfully, very few), and although you took the time to do it, please don't think that you need to justify or explain yourself to anyone. You were, and continue to be, in the right. I am glad that MN has taken the decision to remove the more offensive posts.

As he is continuing to harrass you, it sounds as if you will need to take action to get him to stop. I can only echo previous posters when I suggest speaking to the police. You can speak to them informally, if that is what you'd prefer, to get their advice on what action to take next so that you can remove this vile man from your life once and for all. They will have come across similar situations before.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Sorry maristella, I was a bit of a twat yesterday. I didn't mean to be

Good on you for apologising Bigbuttons.

Thank you bigb

This thread has opened my eyes, I hope it has for you too, and I mean that genuinely

We make so many assumptions about how we will and should be treated sexually and as sexual beings. We assume we are safe, or that we are not safe; we assume that we will be respected, or that we will not.

Opened my eyes too, maristella. I really hope you're OK; you shouldn't have been subjected to this, and I feel shamed that you were. I'm beginning to wonder if MN is as wonderful a place as it used to be.

Good luck to you maristella, whatever you do about this tosser. I hope he gets his comeuppance.

mariistella

the police could help you if you let them. please dont hesitate to report the attempted rape and harassment that has followed, tell them everything, they can help, but please do not worry about reporting this man, im a bobby, you have done nothing wrong, the police will ask you what you want to do, think about what you would like from them, they will assist you in any way they can, i am sure.

Although it is normal for a man to try it on in bed and it is normal for men to become aroused by a naked woman who is lying in bed next to them-sorry but it is- if that woman says no to his advances, he should stop his advances.
Yes, he may not like having his desire thwarted and may be put out by it-as we all can be when we don't get our own way in life-but this is no excuse to carry on trying it on with the woman.
If the guy were decent and the op is woken by his arousal, she'd tell him to back off and he'd listen.
So, maristella, this guy is clearly in the wrong and it is worrying that he is still does not seem to realise that what he did was wrong.
This is not a courtroom, but a guy who wants sex with a woman who is obviously distressed by the idea of it at the time of the sexual advance, is a bad 'un. Decent men want an active partner who is willing to have sex with them.