He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

[maristella]

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

Maybe she thought you sent signals that allowed her to call you dear.

Yes Crackfox and they say that women like us who believe that actually, men are perfectly intelligent enough to understand the word "no" are man-bashers.

Extraordinary.

How much more man-bashing can you get, than to assert that a man might be confused by a woman not wanting sex with him when she's in the middle of a deep sleep? Who are these idiot men? Why are they so confused?

Completely agree with you Mamazon. Rapists rape because they are rapists.

I don't think he was thick. I think he was trying his luck. He was wrong to, end of

I think he went a bit beyond trying his luck Buttons, trying his luck was the initial fondling, it went beyond that when she said no.

its like that old song "guns don't kill people, people do"

the idea that a man is incapable of controling his penis if in the company of a sleeping/inhebriated/provocativly dressed woman is deeply offensive to the vast majority of men i know.

Like i said in one of my first posts on this thread, rape is very rarely about sex or lust or desire. It is about power and control.

"He was wrong to, end of"

and that would be because he was trying to rape her.

Don't expect one. Question was rhetorical.

The man was wrong.

We know the man was wrong, that's what we have been trying to drill into your head all day!

Has it finally sunk in?

The OP wasn't raped and the ordeal stopped when she got out of bed at which point she finally managed to get it into his thick head that she wasn't interested.

He then let it go (OPs posts haven't suggested otherwise). That to me says he's a total wanker of the highest order but not necessarily that he's a potential rapist.

I'd be more concerned about the on going harassment..

I agree babyhammock

For gods sake. It is like trying to educate milk.

The man tried to put his in penis in the op's vagina while she was sleeping. You cannot consent while you are asleep. This is attempted rape. She woke up and told him no. He tried again to put his penis inside her. This is attempted rape. He tried again, this is attempted rape. He only stopped when she got out of bed. He is a potential rapist. If the op had not woke up he would have raped her. Thankfully she did. Is this clear yet?

The fact that he stopped doesn't mean he's not a potential rapist.

It just means that he knew he couldn't get away with pretending that he hadn't raped the OP if he'd gone ahead and raped her (to her - he probably could to a jury, because juries identfiy with rapists, not with rape victims). So he stopped in order to attack again another day.

Call me cynical. But really, why are so many people willing to give rapists and potential rapists the benefit of the doubt? This guy would ahve raped the OP if she hadn't taken the action she did. But still we're not allowed to recognise that he's a potential rapist? Even though this is an anonymous forum, none of us know him or the OP, no-one is going to be damaged by acknowledging that he's a rapey bastard, but we still have to bend over backwards to avoid recognising that some men are rapist bastards and potential rapist bastards? We have to apologise for noticing that if you keep on trying to fuck someone when she's said 10 times, that might mean you are a potential rapist? Not even an actual rapist, just a potential one?

babyhammock the OP woke to this man trying to put his penis inside her while she slept. He then persisted in trying to get his penis inside her while she shouted no and swore at him ten times, even trying to lift her one leg to help himself along.

That is attempted rape, and he is an attempted rapist.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been so supportive. It took me a while to catch up with the thread! All of you who did not judge, and added your support have been wonderful, you have made my world a better place.

bigbuttons I came on here distressed and angry, and in need of support. I have had so much support, but you seem intent on arguing with those who stopped by to give me support. Please can you stop arguing with people and driving them away? Please?

babyhammock he hasn't let it go thou.

Ok her stopped his attack/assault (im not getting into that here) but the fact he is continuing to harrass her just shows he hasnt given up.

In a similar context an xp of mine was abusive so I left, years later he still trys to contverse with me from time to time using the same manipulative/abusive/violent language he used when he was domestically abusive with me. He hasnt "given up" by my definition and nor has this guy, hes just changed tact in a sense. Her "ordeal" hasnt stopped because his actions are causing her to continue to have to think about it! whatever your personal views on the definiton of what happened is the OP sees it as attempted rape and thats what shes reliving with his continued harrasment

maristella honey Im so sorry for you, its horrible having that kind of assault perpetrated by someone you know, I think in a way its harder because they continuely permiate your life. Definatly talk to rape crisis or the policve in confidence about the harrasment and try to get him out of your life so you can move past it. 'Tis the only thing that helped me any xxxx

Why don't you leave him a message spelling out to him why and how his behaviour has been so offensive? Tell him for your own peace of mind. Say how what he did has made you feel - eg: angry, violated etc. Say you are not wanting a response, but you want him to know that how he behaved is unacceptable. He should then get the message. If he carries on contacting you after you have told him not to, that is harrassment and there is a law against it.

sorry for the typos. a bit over emotional

maristella - you have behaved admirably. You are a very strong woman and should hold your head up high.

Please take no notice of anyone that would suggest otherwise

Buttons I have reported you to MN, this cannot go on.

You will have obviously caused the OP added distress, and on a support thread that is a horrid thing to do.

In future please keep your opinions to yourself when they are not wanted.

I believe telling someone if they can't say anything nice don't say anything at all was taught at the same time as no means no.

I guess you missed that lesson.

I would suggest that if the sex was consented to, it is not rape in the eyes of the law. I remember a judge in a rape case once saying, 'you can change your mind before, you can change your mind during but you cannot change your mind afterwards.' Obviously, if someone is inebriated/or not fully conscious then you could argue that consent was not given.

I'm amazed that some people here think a man trying to force his dick into you, especially when you have said No, isn't a rapist. Completely astounded actually. If trying to force your dick into someone else against their will isn't attempted rape, then wtf is? And what planet are we on?
I find this thread incredibly upsetting and sickening. I am really shocked at how many people have sympthised with this revolting man.

I haven't said anything wrong. Hope you feel better OP it was not my intention to cause you distess.