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Original poster

He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

489 replies

maristella · 05/06/2011 21:46

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected Angry

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

OP posts:
Mamaz0n · 06/06/2011 17:33

I think that assuming every man you meet is likely to rape you if you flash a bit of flesh is far more "man bashing" than pointing out that RAPISTS are the only ones responsible for raping people.

But tbh people like buttons are simply incapable of seeing that.
They feel safer living under in the deluded state of blissful ignorance, thinking that women bring it on themselves means that they are safe.

babyhammock · 06/06/2011 17:35

The op wasn't raped.. it was attempted rape which thank goodness stopped when she got out of bed.

bigbuttons · 06/06/2011 17:39

No mamzon, I'm saying you need to be careful and you need to be aware. You need to know what people can be like.
I'm not going to suggest any of my dd's walk down the street semi naked in the middle of the night just to adhere to the idea that they have the right to with coming to harm

HerBeX · 06/06/2011 17:40

I agee with buttons, I think there is a load of man-bashing on MN too. Mostly by women who think that men can't be expected to not rape women at the drop of a hat and who infantilise men by pretending that they don't know the difference between consensual sex and rape.

TheCrackFox · 06/06/2011 17:40

I'll ask again but what did your first post imply?

travellingwilbury · 06/06/2011 17:41

But how does the being careful argument even come into the ops position ? Even if you think that way .

She was careful , she was with someone she trusted , he betrayed her trust , the end .

travellingwilbury · 06/06/2011 17:41

Do you think all men are capable of rape Buttons ?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/06/2011 17:42

I'm a little disturbed to find my post being quoted in support of the opposite argument to the one I thought I was making. Which, for the avoidance of doubt, is: that if something horrible is done to you it is the fault of whoever did it. Maybe you can reduce the risk of it by doing, or not doing certain things but you should still not be blamed. And lying in bed next to someone you know reasonably well should not be an unsafe activity! Shame on them for making it unsafe, not shame on you for believing it was.

Erm, is that clear enough yet? Or have I confused things even more?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/06/2011 17:43

for believing it was safe - I give up...

bigbuttons · 06/06/2011 17:45

It implied that the man would actually be confused because he had already had sex with the OP. It would be perfectly normal to assume she would want to have sex with him again. Especially on a first date.

if I had sex with a bloke and tried to have sex with him the next morning and was told no, i would be confused
I said I agreed he should not have continued to try and have sex with her, that was wrong, completely, but I can also see why he might have been confused that she refused him. That's not saying it's the op's fault, that's trying to look at it from both sides.

TheCrackFox · 06/06/2011 17:48

So a man (any man) would be so confused that they would try to force sex (i.e. rape) on her. Do you think all men are capable of rape? Do you always man bash?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/06/2011 17:50

Yes dear, you may well be confused, but would that give you the right to attack him? Wouldn't you, perhaps, let go of whatever bit of him you had hold of and ask what was going on? If you didn't stop the first time he refused you would surely stop as soon as he used an angry tone of voice. Wouldn't you?

snaaiiiilmaaaaiiiilll · 06/06/2011 17:51

Why is everyone talking about rape? The OP had a horrible experience, an almighty shock and a nasty fright. Were she to go to the police about that, it could be very difficult for her. She would have to prove in a law of court that it was the intention of this man to have sex with her no matter what. The ensuing harrassement is another issue. This is why I am asking what changed? Did he use force? Did he threaten her?

These things can make getting out of a situation far harder. Did an assault take place?

I have had a lot of bad experiences which were not of my making. Proving them can be very difficult.

Has anyone here experience of the court procedure in relation to a rape trial? I did not go to the police because I did not think they would believe me.

Mamaz0n · 06/06/2011 17:52

Quite often Dp would try his luck first thing in the morning. We may well have had sex the previous night. But if i was tired or just not feeling it he would get the polite brush off.

that is perfectly acceptable. Even possibly flattering in a way.

But to continue to the point of trying to force himself between your legs is attempting to rape. That is not confusion, that is sexual assault.

HerBeX · 06/06/2011 17:52

Do you really think men are so easily confused buttons?

Is it that confusing to you, the idea that a bloke might be pissed off if you start pulling on his dick while he's fast asleep?

Do you not get the difference between being woken up by a sensual, lush mixture of kssing, stroking etc., all the way going further only when there is a positive response, and a dick penetrating you while you are still asleep?

Is your sex life that bad?

bigbuttons · 06/06/2011 17:52

How would I know if all men are capable of rape? I don't know all men. I only know the men I know and even then I wouldn't know if they were capable of rape until they raped. That's like asking if all people are capable of murder.

No I don't man bash either, that's why I'm trying to see the senario from both sides.
But the op's ex was a twat, he should have realised a lot sooner than he did, ie's only once the op got out of bed, that his advances weren't wanted.

swallowedAfly · 06/06/2011 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChristinedePizan · 06/06/2011 17:54

Ah maybe we are coming to the crux of the matter here. There are obviously a lot of people walking around - seemingly male and female - who believe that once someone has had sex with them, that person's body is their plaything and that they should be 'up for it' at all times should the other person decide they want sex.

Christ, I'm glad I don't live in your world.

HerBeX · 06/06/2011 17:54

snaiiiil, the OP has made it clear that she doens't want to go to the police, she just wants this dick to leave her alone and stop harrassing her

swallowedAfly · 06/06/2011 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StrawberryMewMew · 06/06/2011 17:56

I can't handle looking at this thread anymore, it is making me feel physically sick.

I bet all the apologists would be the first one to go to the police had this happened to them. I bet they would all be posting the same stuff on here too.

You all are completely unsympathetic and lack empathy. Basic human traits that are needed.

Mamaz0n · 06/06/2011 17:56

Snail - I was raped almost daily by xp.

During the time i was with him i sat in the jury of a rape trial.
It was not an inter relationship rape, but still that woman was put through hell.

It was degrading and humiliating.

There is absolutly no way on this planet i would go through that. Not least because the chances of conviction are so low and the possibility of him being found not guilty would kill me.

We both know what he did, despite his constant refusal. To have him be able to tell the world, with teh backing of the british legal system that i am lying... i just couldn't cope with that.

So no, i have never and would never go to court.

TheCrackFox · 06/06/2011 17:57

The main thing I have learnt from this thread is that some people seem to think men are so unbeleivably thick that they are confused by the word "no". Bizarre that some people think so little of the average man.

bigbuttons · 06/06/2011 17:58

annie, don't call me dear and expect an answer

Mamaz0n · 06/06/2011 17:59

like i said hours ago Crackfox

men don't rape people. Rapists do

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