After 17 years we have called it a day

[lou33]

My h is moving out tomorrow, we have just told the kids. It was decided when i was in Thailand, and i only got back on friday night.

I guess old timers will remember that we have been having trouble for a while, but we kept trying. We can't try anymore however, so have decided to end it. We havent really shouted at each other, it's all been v civil, and i hope we can carry on being like that.

Has anyone been able to separate and keep it nice?

Come on guys - this really isn't very dignified is it?

Do you really want to play out the ending of your marriage on the WWW?

I think its like any marriage failure, you need to get your support from different places, either in RL or somewhere else more private than this!

If it really is over, then you both need to move on to a place where you can at least be civil to each other - otherwise its your children who will suffer!

I know it's probably all raw right now, but please think carefully about what you are doing here

soapbox, I completely agree with you, but must point out that lou is not actually airing any dirty laundry on this thread. She hardly ever visits mumsnet any more.

FWIW I hope you can both move on from this eventually, but I understand what LousH is saying that it will take him some time - 5 months isn't so long and it will help you gather your strength. It's a testament to the feelings you once had (and of course still have) for each other that you both need the space to recover. For all the distress you and your kids must be going through, I'm sure you will succeed in building a friendship. Good luck.

lou and loush - I do wish you all the best in sorting your marriage problems out - and I hope the children can get their heads round it all too.

Loush - if you dont mind me saying, why not change your name and instead of being just "lou's dh" you can get your own identity and get some support on here too. There's several dads already as you know.

I so feel for you both and I hope that things can be worked out to please the both of you. IMO I believe that you are Both entitled to post on mn and like others have said there are always 2 sides to every story. I know if my dh posted on mn, his version on the story would be different to mine..life unfortunatly!! I wouldn't be annoyed with him though as I believe he to has freedom of speech. Lous dh, I understand & respect you for wanting to explain your side of the situation.

You both may be past the point of reasoning with each other so the only thing to do is to be cival and to move on. If not for yourselves but for the sake of your lovely children.

I agree with the advice given to lous dh,create another name for yourself and search for help that way. It may sound harsh (I don't intend it to) but one day you will look back in fondness.
My dh & I split (before we were married) and believe me I tried everything to make him change his mind. In the end the fact that I had moved on and had become a stronger person prehaps made him return. He didn't like the fact that I could have a life beyond him. I'm not suggesting the 2 of you will get back with each other but lous dh you need to rise above this. You are stronger than this.
Good luck xx

As a last note to this thread I would like to say
the more I think about the whole situation, the more I see my part in the whole mess.

Husbands out there do everyone a favour, pay more attention to signs and less to the b#llshit we give our attention to.

It is no good putting your head down and grinding on, hoping the sun will come out eventually, because unlike the day/night cycle, this cycle needs care

bye wish all and everyone a better nxt year

I havent been able to post on this while xh was about, but he has gone to india for 6 weeks now.

He was staying with me from since before xmas, as he had nowhere to go, and it has been very stressful and extremely sad. But he's gone now, so maybe finally i can start reclaiming my life and my privacy. No more hacking email accounts, no more searching where i post, and reading my messages, no more listening in on my phone calls. I can start to breathe again.

and breathe...................