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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

After 17 years we have called it a day

184 replies

lou33 · 13/11/2005 12:50

My h is moving out tomorrow, we have just told the kids. It was decided when i was in Thailand, and i only got back on friday night.

I guess old timers will remember that we have been having trouble for a while, but we kept trying. We can't try anymore however, so have decided to end it. We havent really shouted at each other, it's all been v civil, and i hope we can carry on being like that.

Has anyone been able to separate and keep it nice?

OP posts:
lousH · 02/12/2005 15:47

Looking in for some help and I see this.

O.K reality check here.

  1. I discovered while Lou was on Holiday in Thailand an email from some guy saying " what a sexy voice you have"- if this wasn't enough I discovered that Lou was phoning him from Thailand, he also sent her a song with lyrics about how he was a better f##k than me.

-Tell me would that hurt you?

  1. I rung louise she admitted that her interent flirting had moved from msn to Phone numbers and she admitted she couldn't end it.

Would that hurt you?

  1. On arriving back in uk I moved out somewhere I couldn't self-distruct.

  2. Lou had said months ago that as we are in such bad financial way that if we seperated we could live under the same roof, when I got back for my sons birthday I mentioned this and she went ballistic, so I backed down and have stated that everything is hers from the sofa to tv etc, as not to upset the kids.

  3. This leaves me in no financial situation, I thought my family was life I now find I have two options

a.Live in some doss house hostel to be on call when needed

b. Go to Bangkok to a friends who has work for me.

I know that when the pain of losing everything in one swoop has subsided I will be the perfect dad down the road, but at the Moment the deceit has crippled me.

I am not blackmailing her in anyway, but she has decided I have to leave, she has decided she has a internet " friend", I don't think she has any right to tel me how I can try and regain some life for myself

dan

lousH · 02/12/2005 15:50

forgive the cr#p spelling, this is all still raw.

also I understand she is all your friend, and you don't need to listen, but to be called a c#nt is a bit rich until you have all the sides to a story

sarahinphuket · 02/12/2005 15:55

I am writing this on behalf of Lou33

she is not oinline right now but she will post the truth when she can get online. the truth is that her marriage didn't end because of this bloke it ended a long time before that and lou says that dan knows that full well.

i'll leave the rest up to her to tell you.

merryTissmas · 02/12/2005 16:00

sympathies to you both, but I don't really think this is the place for a fight...

lousH · 02/12/2005 16:02

In retrospect that might be true sarah, but up until 4 days before she went to Thailand we were still going to relate, so that was news to me, I thought we were trying to fix it.

I have always been a great dad and In the future I know full well that my kids will understand my moves.

Don't forget I still love her and it hurts, I know full well that my kids wil get a stepdad, but whether I am here or anywhere that will still happen, better I go away and get rid of the love, than hang in the uk in some crap room, dying.
Lou says we can't stay together for the kids sake because she needs to be happy, fair enough, but so do I

lousH · 02/12/2005 16:09

Also one thing for the record, I have stated to Lou when I get back cured, she can have five month break if she needs it, so you never know, she might be over to you

brusselsbeansprout · 02/12/2005 16:11

LousH, I'm not trying to get involved but dh's dd is now 18 and still hasn't forgiven her dad for leaving when she was 4. Kids don't always understand you know, even as they get older.

I wish you both well though, this must be a v difficult time.

sarahinphuket · 02/12/2005 16:11

well i don't think that this is the place to be bringing out all your dirty laundry and trying to pick a fight with her. you need to sort this out between you, not on here

lousH · 02/12/2005 16:42

sarah I agree, But I think you'll find I was getting crucified on here, so I just think balance is fair, who can argue with that?

And believe me the laundry is still in the basket-lol

sarahinphuket · 02/12/2005 16:46

fair enough loush

howeever from what i know, lou has only been stating the facts as they are.................

anyway i don't want to get any further into this! i just hope that you can sort it out so that both of you can be happy.

fwiw i've just ended it with my H too - and i know how difficult it is. we haven't been happy for a long time either, but it doesn't mean that it isn't a bit of a shock to the system.

better go and get your washing done!!!

6beetrootsAmilking · 02/12/2005 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lousH · 02/12/2005 16:56

Brusselbeansprout, all I can say is that my Dad left when I was two, and I forgave him.
Also I'm not "leaving the kids" I have been asked to leave, so that when I can get over the love for Lou ( 17.5 years is a f##cking long time), I will be of more help to her and the kids, than the angry man down the road ( which is what I will be for the next ##? Months.

Ideally oneday we will be great friends and can share all the child burden, but at the Moment I am just Hollow and have been since I heard nearly 4 weeks ago.

I have lost everything, and I mean everything, Surely you can all se the logic to rebuild and come back stronger, more positive and of more use to the people who'll need you.

Last post promise

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 02/12/2005 16:57

I kind if agree beety but I suspect it's just snowballed.

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 02/12/2005 16:58

of not if

lousH · 02/12/2005 16:59

Sorry beet bit angry that post isn't It?

Surely it makes a change to see two sides of a story as Opposed to the normal one side you get. where everybody gets Sanctimonous, unnecessarily so, in most cases.

Kathlean · 02/12/2005 17:00

I think you have been quite brave posting on here LousH.

I hope you can be happy again.

lousH · 02/12/2005 17:05

I hope we all can including Sarahphuket and her Hub

best to you all

bosscatsroastingonanopenfire · 02/12/2005 17:29

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone on here lousH. Of course there are 2 sides to every story and only you and lou can judge your situation. She came here looking for support that's all, you were never supposed to read it I'm sure.

cod · 02/12/2005 18:35

Message withdrawn

lousH · 02/12/2005 18:52

marriage, over.

Just got sick of all the slagging from people with half the facts.
some of whom I have met in person.

cod · 02/12/2005 18:54

Message withdrawn

Springchicken · 02/12/2005 18:59

Fair play for coming on here and defending yourself - there are always 2 sides to every story and here on mumsnet we don't usually get to see both sides.

What you've got to expect is that Lou is a very liked and respected member of MN and you are bound to get some who are particularly protective over her, rightly or wrongly.

I hope the 2 of you can sort things out and move on and your kids be happy and healthy.

Original poster
lou33 · 02/12/2005 19:31

I'm not going to get into a discussion with my h on here, but i will say we both know the facts in this, and i have done nothing to be ashamed about.

Once again i feel like i cannot post here anymore because he is checking up on me yet again.

OP posts:
lousH · 02/12/2005 19:49

Lou, you said yourself you wouldn't post here, I onlt popped into see if there was any info on others that could help me make sense.
anyway this is the world wide web so get over it-lol

lousH · 02/12/2005 19:54

Last comment probably not needed, but I take exception- to "checking up on you".

Although sometimes it is the only place I can see what you are saying, because god knows for the last 6 months all we have seen is the back of the laptop.

It seems that more and more people get the info from the net, I just hope the helpful are still there when the pieces fall apart.