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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support for those in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

1000 replies

ViVee · 20/05/2011 21:49

I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread, a place to vent, offer support, advice.

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship but I'm trying to find the tools to fight back - I've recently started counselling & the Lundy Bancroft book (Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) (recommended by mumsnetters) has become my bible.

Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
dementedma · 25/06/2011 22:02

does H know your mumsnet id?
Hope to God my H doesn't find out mine!!!
How long have you been together?

tinker316 · 25/06/2011 22:04

Hi!
I've left my P earlier 2day & I don't have a clue what 2 do Sad
I just had enough of the constant aggression & belittling me 2 a point where I have considered suicide several times.
I know deep down I have done the right thing, but I don't know where 2 go from here?
I'm staying at my mums at the moment, but can't stay here 4ever.
I feel so lost

ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 22:04

No he doesn't, but he'd know if he started poking around looking for threads on EA and I'd posted the info I want to share.... Sad

ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hurryup · 25/06/2011 22:06

RIBBONS-you can pm me or as demented said, let it out on here!!

hurryup · 25/06/2011 22:10

Tinker, welcome but sorry you have found yourself in a position where this thread is appropriate for you. Be kind to yourself and hope you're doing ok.

tinker316 · 25/06/2011 22:17

I had 2 leave but DD is still there Sad I feel terrible & so guilty.
I'm sure he is waiting 4 me 2 get in touch but I can't- not yet anyway.I've got work at 7.30 2m so I know she will b fine 2night

HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 22:23

Vivee, sorry I didn't mean that you were being dishonest, I meant when you felt ready to open up

If namechanging enables us to express stuff we need to say, bring it ON!!!!

Sometimes the truth is TOO BIG for us to admit to all of it in one go.

YOU know the truth, or you will do one day, in full. We are ALL of us hiding some things. Some of the stuff we have buried so deep we don't even remember them, but something will trigger them in time.

Please don't beat yourself up, the truth is important, no matter how we arrive at it. You will get there Vivee, you really will!

bigbuttons · 25/06/2011 22:24

Ribbons, PM me if you fancySmile
Tinker, tell us all the shit, it'll feel good, let it all out girl.

HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 22:26

demented/ribbons.... we talked about his upthread... remember?

We need to be a little more selfish. Life has been all one way up until now, and it's not been OUR way.

The time for US is now. What's in it for ME?

Remember? It's OUR life and we need to be happy too! It'll do us good and our kids good. That is all that matters.

HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 22:27

Tinker - when can you get DD out? How old is she? Can she come to you? can you collect her from school/nursery tomorrow? could your Mum?

ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 22:58

Can you remind me please miss? I can't remember the stuff about his upthread....

Blush
ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 22:59
Wink
HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 23:03

arse... nails too flipping long..

ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 23:15

Oh... ha ha ha!!

You meant "this upthread" not "his upthread".... feel very silly now. Especially as I still don't remember what you're pointing to... so sorry hissy, feel like I'm letting the team down.

Blush
ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 23:20

Oh god, ignore last post. Think I need to go to bed. Sleep deprivation getting the better of me..........

Blush Blush Blush

ribbonsandlace · 25/06/2011 23:21

No wonder I get flack from H.... am too sh*t for words!! Wink

HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 23:21

Oh arse indeed, it wasn't on here... I think it may have been on the Lundy thread...

OK so then my theory is that we are all people who want to please others, for whatever reason. we put everyone first, ourselves last.

we meet a man who initially "deserves" to be the object of our adoration. he plays his part well, but he wants more and more and more. He wants it all on his terms and it feeds our need to be needed.

He abuses us, we are so weakened that we feel desperate that if he leaves us, who will ever want us, we will have proved we are a failure, as he has told us we are in a million little ways.

... Fast forward to today.

We know it's not right, we know his game. We know how cheated we have been all this time.

We are now abjectly miserable and he is actually feeding off of it Shock

So now it stops.

Now it's OUR turn.

Our turn to put ourselves (and by definition our DC) in first place.

remember the advice on a plane in the event of depressurisation?

first fit your own mask THEN others.

So we need to look at life, and what others are demanding we do for them and ask ourselves the following:

WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

HerHissyness · 25/06/2011 23:22

OY... you get flack from H cos he is a shit...

he has no right to criticise you, remember?

seriouslynow · 26/06/2011 00:04

feck, feck feckity feck, I just typed a long post and mumsnet lost it.

Yes, hissy a people pleaser here too...but in a positive was (I always thought), always had lots of friends of all ages, normal boyfriends, good jobs, independence, fun, my own flat....I didn't need to be otherwise.

I was never cheated, bullied, insulted or screamed at.....before.

My long post was to tell demented, barbie, and ribbons that I feel exactly like them.

Is it really bad enough to leave ? (yes, I know it is, yet I'm still here).
The normal life we have....(we choose furniture, we entertain, we have a glass of wine) - is it worth chucking that away?
If I'm tired, stressed, resentful and bitter now....maybe moving out will just create another set of problems to be tired, stressed resentful and bitter about?

You're right it's a torment.

Sorry this probably doesn't make much sense. too tired.

Must go to bed.

Love to you all, keep strong.

MadameOvary · 26/06/2011 00:55

Seriously I just want to answer your post before I too go to bed Smile
The answer to your question about creating another set of problems if you move out is yes, because that is life.
However
It is a life where our choices are our own, our minds are our own, our lives are our own.
It is scary as fuck and can only be done when, and if, you are ready.
I know what you mean about the normal life, that's the bits where you start to relax, pretend that it's like this all the time, savour the good mood and cameraderie. The bits that allow you to keep going.

But the thing is, underneath all that, you are still sitting next to a man at the dinner table who, when your guests have gone, will think nothing of dropping the charming, easy facade and demand you tell him what the fuck you thought you were doing by flirting with so-and-so, wearing that, doing this.

I did live with X, pre DD. We weren't married and didn't entertain much but oh it was lovely to go out as a couple! The status you get, the identity you have, is very hard to relinquish. I remember talking to a Women's Aid worker who told me that abuse cuts across all classes, races, strata of society, and thinking, imagine you were, say, a judge's wife 30 years. Could you give up that lifestyle and go into a refuge? To get to that point you would have to have reached the point where your sanity and personal/emotional safety outweighed the lifestyle/sense of security etc.

For myself, I had none of that, my big draw was a sense of family and being wanted by someone coupled with very low self esteem and a terror of being on my own. The isolation didn't help either.

It has taken about two years to get me to the point where acknowledging the importance of adhering to my needs (trust, respect, love, affection) and putting myself first has enabled me to behave in a way that allows me to challenge him (by being the person I want to be, rather than the person he wants me to me) and not care if he fails the test.

That's two years of therapists, DV counsellors, support groups, sympathetic friends. And Mumsnet, DEFINITELY Mumsnet. Somewhere along the line I began to absorb the message that this was not only how I SHOULD be treated, but how I NEEDED to be treated. How I DESERVED to be treated. Everytime I read one of those "I'm sorry but if my DH did that he'd be wearing his balls for earrings"type posts, my need for a respectful, loving, equal partner got stronger, to the point that if I coldn't have that, I'd rather be single.

I'm sorry, I know I'm rambling, but I wanted to tell you that when you stop thinking about their needs and start thinking about your own, it's brilliant.
Hope that made some sense, feel free to say otherwise!

montbazens · 26/06/2011 08:48

so so so so glad to have found this thread and to know i am not alone xxxxx

dementedma · 26/06/2011 09:13

me too montbazes, me too!

HerHissyness · 26/06/2011 09:52

Tell me about it... when it comes to support, this is all I have at the moment!

sorry to hear you are in this kind of thing too montbazens, hope we can help you through it.

BibiBlocksberg · 26/06/2011 10:22

Sorry to butt in again everyone but just read HerHissyNess's post from 23.21 and am really struck by how true that is!!! Sums up what happened in pretty much all my relationships.

Loving another for me used to mean doing everything for them and only waking up when i realised that that also meant I'd taken on all the responsibility for another person (or so they were happy to let me think so anyway) and that not an ounce of the energy I'd given the other person was coming back to me because the men I chose were happy to take take take until I was totally empty.

Also wanted to say that, while being by myself does present a different set of challenges it is truly truly wonderful to be able to make my own choices again in all matters from the tiny to the big.

Not so long ago I wondered where I'd get the energy to get out of bed - now I have so much it's difficult to stop (and I was a MAJOR couch potato for years!)

To be excited about life and all it's twists, turns, up and down is a gift i can now see I gave myself the day I found the courage to kick the last emotional vampire out of my life.

What's in it for me will become my primary question from now on too since I still give far too much in other areas of my life (work for example)

One habit of 'overgiving' to tackle at a time I suppose :)

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